The Jeeves Omnibus

Since this contains collections I’ve already read in The World of Jeeves, the latest story at the beginning of this volume is where I’ll begin. Although I do note, though the stories are the same, the beginnings and titles vary to accommodate the order they are to be read in this volume, which I found a bit odd and confusing, but do plan on reading them eventually, until then though I’ll be posting only the first.

Stiff Upper Lip, Jeeves has us see Bertie in an exceptionally good mood at having Jeeves return from a sojourn at his Aunt Dahlia’s, helping with a party she’d hosted. Jeeves then reminds Bertie of his visit to Totleigh Towers with Sir Watkyn Bassett, which was still quite fresh to Bertie, being the time he’d tried to steal back a cow-creamer with his Aunt Dahlia. Then I come to the part which shows this is another story shown in the TV series. Bertie then receives a phone call from his aunt and inquires why she had invited Mr. Bassett to dinner with them, which she explains it having to do with taking his Uncle Tom’s mind off of being taxed, believing it would show him there are worse possibilities to have to deal with. His aunt goes on to tell how Bassett had been showing off a new item he’d bought for his collection, his Uncle being properly perplexed by the item since he’d had his eye on it, as well. His aunt makes a date to have lunch with Bertie the day after the next and they end the call. Bertie tells Jeeves of their plans asking about the newly attained item, a black statuette “thing”, but when hearing it was a long story takes a rain-check for thinking he’ll be late to his date. Jeeves than gives some signs Bertie’s day is about to take a turn, it involving the choice of his hat, Bertie ready to stick up for himself and making his way out the door.

Bertie then divulges whom his date is and they’re meeting at the Ritz, she being Emerald Stoker, the daughter of Pop Stoker who had kidnapped Bertie on his yacht to threaten him into marrying his older daughter, Pauline. Bertie goes on to tell how everything had ended up for Pauline which were of happy tidings. We then learn it’s through Pauline whom Bertie meets her younger sister, she coming from America where she was studying painting. Bertie describes her physical attributes and tells of her kindly nature and when he sees her tells his concerns on how Jeeves had tried to insult Bertie’s taste in head-wear, knowing she’d be sympathetic. She relates to Jeeves of he sounding like her father, who could do with a bit of practice in keeping his opinions to himself every once in a while, Bertie then invites her to a musical she couldn’t attend due to a conflicting schedule. She then tells Bertie she’d be away for a month, he being impressed her hosts could stand her for so long, not having had the same experience himself. He then discovers he is quite familiar with her hosts, they living in Totleigh Towers and having the surname of Bassett.

When Emerald realizes he knows them, she tries to get him to tell her more about them, Bertie than deciding to air on the side of truth, she only having met Mrs. Bassett, they then commiserate on what they both thought of her, after he tells of the other Bassett’s. After describing Sir Watkyn Bassett, Madeline’s father as a bigger stinker then Emerald’s, she informs Bertie of how her father sees him, which doesn’t include being of sound mind. Bertie isn’t too bruised by this confession though, he going on to tell of the curate, Reverend “Stinker” Pinker at a neighboring village being the only positive receiver on Bertie’s scale of good people, then remembering to mention Gussie, whom she’d met before and seemed smitten with, despite knowing his engagement to Madeline. After Bertie and she part ways, Bertie has a funny way of revealing how he had gotten a bad feeling and should be careful in getting hooked by anything relating to Totleigh Towers. Bertie then goes to the Drones Club to sit and smoke, bothered by the thought of Totleigh Towers, when he’s approached by a waiter with information about a man wishing to speak with him and waiting outside the Club, it being Rev. Pinker, surprising Bertie with visible spasm. Bertie then tells the waiter to let him in and sees Pinker approach happily, tripping as he came over.

Bertie describes Pinker’s enviable ability to play rugby and how he’s engaged to Stiffy Byng who couldn’t intimidate him with all her wild plans for having played the sport so long as to have knocked all the fear out of him. Bertie then describes Pinker’s doppelgänger would be Roderick Spode, Pinker being the gentler of the two by far. Bertie then notices Pinker seemed to have something weighing on his mind and begins to question after their mutual acquaintances, everyone seeming to be “fine”. Bertie then tries asking after the promised vicarage Pinker had been waiting on which got him to talking a bit more freely, the subject of which being up in the air. Then Bertie figures there is something more on Pinker’s mind, which upon discovering he wanted Bertie to go stay at Totleigh Towers for Stiffy needed him there for a plan she wished to involve him in. Bertie reminded him how Sir Watkyn felt about him and Pinker mentioned he could ask Madeline to invite him, Bertie well aware of this, but going on to tell how he wouldn’t want to get involved in any of Stiffy’s plans if he could help it, staying strong and Pinker leaving, deflated of spirit. Bertie then attests to his inability to turn away from a friend in need, but due to his guardian angel keeping his safe in the knowledge to stay away from Totleigh Towers to comfort him, went home with nary a guilt-trip, seeing Gussie Fink-Nottle hanging out of a cab. He had gone to Bertie’s to tell him of his aunt’s wish to be hosted for lunch by Bertie which Bertie confirmed and then invited Gussie in for some orange juice which he had to decline for going to Totleigh Towers, Bertie then stating how he’ll be seeing Emerald Stoker again, for they were going to the same place, after which Bertie is told Gussie was no longer in love with Madeline and was fully interested in Emerald Stoker, whom he hadn’t gotten the name of when he’d met her at the party they were at and speaking of newts, again surprising Bertie with the new development between he and Madeline.

Bertie goes on to mention he was as revolted by Emerald Stoker as Spode was to him, but if he was required to marry the girl he would have no choice but to comply. We then learn Gussie would profess his love to Emerald if it weren’t for his lack of nerve which is why he enlisted Bertie to speak his love for him to the proper channels, it not being understood whom Bertie was referring to and so Madeline then tries to comfort Bertie with the knowledge her heart belongs to Gussie, but if anything should go wrong there, he would be next in line for her affections, which of course he didn’t require, after figuring this out he goes to Jeeves to tell him of what he’s heard from Gussie being terrible news for his bachelorhood. Bertie then blatantly speaks of getting Jeeves to work his brain on a plan to fix the situation also revealing how other than Totleigh Towers being a gut shaking thought when considering going back, he tells of Stiffy wanting him to do something for her, which of course doesn’t bode well. Jeeves suggests Bertie should get an invitation to Totleigh Towers and decline Stiffy’s plans for him outright, Bertie agreeing reluctantly for the idea of having to return to the Towers, but knowing it to be the only course of action.

Stinker was correct in his assumption Madeline would extend an invitation to him, so Bertie then sent a telegram to his Aunt Dahlia to decline his invitation in giving her lunch which she quickly called him about. His aunt didn’t take the news easily, asking where he could possibly go, only being known to come to hers to eat the heavenly food of Anatole’s, her cook. Bertie tells her where his point of arrival would be aimed, to her disbelief and then acceptance of his being an ass far surpassing her considerable expectations, to which Bertie could understand her perspective to and deciding to explain himself further. After he’d done so, his Aunt Dahlia sees his point more clearly, but continues he should be careful for Bassett had his eye on stealing Jeeves from him which catches Bertie off guard, his aunt not understanding why due to this being Bassett’s nature, abruptly hanging up for being told the time spent. Bertie then goes on his way to Totleigh Towers, he and Jeeves arriving shy of five in the evening and Bertie walks in mid-tea-time, Madeline greeting him. Bertie then tells of Madeline’s extreme beauty, but it being trumped by her verging on “baby talk” sentimental personality.

Then Bertie notices Stinker is present, he being surprised and probably happy Bertie had decided to come, which Bertie was ready to quash upon first chance, he resolving to stay strong and unrelenting to Stiffy’s plans for him. Then Stinker is called away to see Sir Watkyn and Madeline takes time alone to confront Bertie in her “secret romance” denied sort of way, confiding in Bertie they can be nothing but friends and wouldn’t being near her torture him, being unable to deny him invitation, confirming her love for Gussie. Bertie then believes everything must be fine between she and Gussie since she seemed unaffected by what Gussie had confided in Bertie. Madeline continues after, though confessing to Bertie she felt so badly for him which upset her to the point of uncontrollable tears, Bertie patting her head awkwardly and aware he should be careful to take his and away before getting stuck in the action, his plan not working out for the mechanical action of his hand, then noticing Spode had entered, asking what had happened, Madeline saying it was nothing and leaving to compose herself, also leaving Bertie to be regarded attentively by Spode.

Bertie tries offering snacks to Spode, he declining each attempt and stating he was debating whether or not to impart physical harm to Bertie’s neck area, he being a fan of the latter. Spode continues to confront Bertie on his presumptuousness to invite himself over and how he would be remiss if he thought he could turn Madeline’s head from Gussie. Bertie tries to explain his side since he wanted nothing to do with this line of consideration, but is interrupted by Spode not finished speaking his side. Spode then makes it clear, but not through words what would happen if Bertie continued to try and avail himself to Madeline in the way it seemed before Madeline reenters the room. She then leads Bertie out to show him his room, Spode giving Bertie one last word of warning and then the two running into Madeline’s father. Sir Watkyn, upon noticing Bertie didn’t seem to take it well, for being surprised at Bertie’s presence and also being told how long he was expected to stay from Madeline, he going off for a drink at the prospect. When dinner is called, Bertie tries to make thoughtful conversation, but doesn’t get far for the room seeming to be in a drab mood after which he decides to retreat to his room for the remainder of the night, believing any more time with the bunch wouldn’t do anyone any good.

Bertie then mentions how he’d been thinking during dinner what had happened with Emerald Stoker. He brings the point up with Jeeves who isn’t miffed by the thought soon having Bertie relay what he believed Madeline’s earlier words were conveying to him, which was she and Gussie were perfectly happy together still, Jeeves then bringing the happy thought to an end. Jeeves had found out from Gussie Madeline had decided he would become a vegetarian since the poet Shelley believed this to be best, but when Jeeves goes on to tell the cook had felt so sorry for Gussie’s position when Jeeves had told her this, she’d leave some edibles in the kitchen for him after all had retired for the night, Bertie thought this could relieve the tension between the two love-birds. Bertie felt so grateful to this unnamed cook, he asks Jeeves what the good soul’s name was, he being surprised to hear the name Stoker pass his lips, Bertie then wondering if it was a coincidence. Gussie then runs into Bertie, he laying his problems out for Bertie’s sympathy and then comes out with the truth of the situation about Emerald, who is the cook of Totleigh Towers now. Bertie then gets the story as to why and how this happened, he agreeing her reaction to staying quiet about it the right course of action. Gussie then departs with the happy thoughts of steak and kidney pie to come.

Bertie dozes off whilst reading a book, but when waking is baffled by a feeling he figures out slowly is hunger. He then decides, after realizing he knew the route to the kitchen, he should go and locate some food, knowing Emerald Stoker had left some steak and kidney pie about. On his journey to the kitchen, he runs into a body, which does his heart a jump-start and is ready to take down the possible burglar, when he realizes whom he actually ran into. After conversing with the shrimp-like Gussie for a mo., Bertie continues on his way to the kitchen, but not before running and toppling a Grandfather clock on the way, which gets Sir Watkyn’s attention, as Bertie soon sees when the lights get turned on by the man, his dressing gown more aversive than his attitude toward Bertie. Sir Watkyn is the first to speak and Bertie takes a moment to come up with a more respectable reason of being out and about at such an early hour, being for a book, which Sir Watkyn responds to with a caustic air. He then goes on to regard the Grandfather clock, rubbing in how Bertie could have avoided possibly breaking it by turning on a light, Bertie then fleeing off the ground once hearing growls from Bartholomew, the Aberdeen terrier, cutting Sir Watkyn’s insulting flow of speech, turning to speaking to Bartholomew in a tone of dismissal, which the pooch didn’t take kindly to, so shows his distaste by displaying some threatening moves toward Sir Watkyn, which gets him onto the same chest as Bertie, in possibly a quicker space of time. Sir Watkyn tries to stop Bertie from revealing his similar story which had happened to him with a swan a while back, so they sit in silence for a bit before Stiffy comes walking in, wondering what the two were doing perched on the chest.

After Bertie describes the hilarity of difference in heights between Stiffy and Stinker, she enquires again as to why he and her Uncle were sitting atop the chest, Bertie making light of the situation and laughing at how he and Stinker seemed to be sharing the lack of grace Bertie had shown when he’d knocked into the Grandfather clock. Stiffy not sharing his humor and asking for explanation as to why they were atop the chest, again. Sir Watkyn taking over the explaining due to her usage of “buzzard” and the two of them in the same breath, Stiffy then dismissing and defending her pup and suggesting Sir Watkyn go to bed which he agrees would be the first on his list of to-do items, but for the dog still giving them a dirty look, Stiffy then getting the “darling” to turn tail and prowl another part of the house. Sir Watkyn then away’s to bed and Stiffy utilizes the perfect moment to give Bertie the 4-1-1 on her plan for him which involved the ugly statuette Sir Watkyn had acquired, sitting on the dinner table and how much he’d been able to weasel the item from the man who sold it to him. Stiffy also mentioning of a previous plan which had gone awry, she then preceding to her point, Bertie trying to see her plan for him before she gets it out, but being off the mark, she describing to him the plan was for him to nick the statuette so Plank, the seller could get a better sum from a different buyer, Travers being the one she had in mind, who Sir Watkyn had been confessing his dirty scheme upon Plank. Bertie swiftly declines, but Stiffy ready with blackmail told Bertie if he didn’t reconsider, she’d have to tell Madeline of Gussie going against their “agreement” of him becoming a vegetarian. Bertie then decides he must agree to do her illegal bidding and she moves along, a much happier and safe-from-arrest conspirator-to-crime.

Bertie goes to his room and has a light and nightmare-filled sleep, until relating to Jeeves the happenings of the night before and feeling utterly stuck in his role as thief for Stiffy. Jeeves, looking almost like he were going to smile, then confiding in Bertie how he would have trouble stealing the statuette now for it being removed from out of the open to an enclosed collection room after Spode had spoken with Sir Watkyn about Bertie’s conversational topic being suspicious, thus Bertie being able to safely return to his stance of declining being able to go through with Stiffy’s tactless plan. After Jeeves explains to Bertie how it could be explained to Stiffy, Bertie suggests Jeeves tell her for he being able to do so in such an easy and acceptable way, Jeeves then informing Bertie where she was currently which was dealing with Stinker who was having problems with the idea of being in charge of the children of the town at the school “treat” the next day. Bertie persists Jeeves make himself impossible to deny a few words with Stiffy and he goes to relate his wonderful news, at least for Bertie’s sake, but upon his return we observe his plan and relief unfounded since Stiffy had acquired a copy of the key to the collection room and would have Bertie go through with his part, as planned, Jeeves then offering Bertie a restorative drink, he letting Bertie know the easiest way to expose Plank since he’d not seen him before, Bertie making a trip to the post office to uncover his whereabouts, which was easier than it would be today. Bertie then goes to meet the old man, who invites him in readily enough and Bertie gets some background history of the old man’s school days playing rugby and Bertie revealing he hadn’t played the sport, surprising the man. After a few other mislaid responses from Bertie, he identifies this is Plank and he was expecting a reporter and after Bertie shows him the statuette he’d sold to Sir Watkyn and how Bertie was about to ask for a fiver, Plank was ready to call the coppers, but is interrupted by Jeeves stepping through his french window to speak on Bertie’s behalf.

Bertie then goes on to narrate warmly of how Jeeves had the tendency to appear at the most opportune moments to save him from terrible outcomes. Jeeves proceeds to impersonate a policeman and declares Bertie a man of interest and how he’d tried to swindle other people the same way, even giving him an appropriate handle to go along with the story, taking Bertie and the stolen statuette to Sir Watkyn to confess once being done there, Plank going along with it and hoping Bertie will be properly punished for his would-be and already done crimes. When Bertie regains some ability to speak and enquires of Jeeves how he’d come to be there, Jeeves then explaining what he’d learned from Sir Watkyn and how he’d been hoping to intercept Bertie before he spoke with Plank, then stating, per Bertie’s request, what had been explained to Stiffy by Sir Watkyn, the results being he’d told Bertie’s Uncle Tom a lie in order to make him feel inferior to Sir Watkyn’s good fortune in his acquisition. Bertie then realizes Sir Watkyn’s terrible sense of satisfaction he must have gotten from this and gives Jeeves his warmest regards in coming to his rescue. Jeeves then lets Bertie in on Plank’s heritage as well as interests and before Bertie could drive off to relieve himself of the statuette upon Stiffy, Jeeves tells him of how it would be best for all if Bertie let Jeeves return it for how Sir Watkyn was out for Bertie’s blood, we soon getting the proof upon Bertie’s return, to his optimistically innocent surprise.

Sir Watkyn implements his search with no results which favored his declaration of stolen goods and when Stiffy shows up and decides to insult the man for the seemingly stupid idea Bertie was the culprit, going on to tell him to look in his locked collection room, upon he doing so, realizing Bertie’s innocence and giving a humble apology, but upon the conclusion of this mess, Bertie gets thrust with another difficult situation in relation to Madeline, who is annoyed with Gussie again with how he reacted to one of her flighty statements in regards to nature and then going off on her about Sir Roderick, she revealing to Bertie, upon his hypothetical questioning, being if she’d found out Gussie, on top of which, had strayed from his forced vegetarian diet, she would drop him like a hot-cake.

The next morning Bertie is seen being a husk of his former self with the dose of reality Madeline gives him and realizing how serious of a rupture Madeline and Gussie were dealing with when Jeeves comes to bring Bertie his cup of tea. Bertie gets right into relating the issues between the not-so-love-y lovebirds and due to the strain and learning the school treat was the same afternoon, Bertie decides he’s going to skip it and take lunch with his Uncle Tom instead, he wanting Jeeves to accompany, but discovering he’ll be helping with the tea at the school treat. Bertie has a reinvigorating luncheon with his Uncle and goes back to Totleigh in renewed spirit which inspires the optimism Gussie will get back into his love-induced ways through eating meats once he’s able to go back to London and everything will fix itself since women usually get obsessed with something and then drop it once giving it a thorough try most of the time. Jeeves locates Bertie when he arrives, offering a refreshing drink and relating to Bertie his making off unscathed at the tea tent, Sir Watkyn and Gussie not being so lucky. Gussie then walks in to borrow some cigarettes from Bertie, Jeeves having gone to prepare Bertie’s drink, Gussie confiding he was planning on walking with Emerald Stoker, which Bertie couldn’t help but feel the warning alarms in his actions also learning Stinker was looking for him. Bertie then discusses this with Jeeves and realizes Stiffy was baffled by Sir Watkyn’s idea Stinker might not be able to handle his own vicarage due to not being able to keep the children in order at the treat. Sensing all of these variables troublesome, Bertie is about to suggest retreat out of Totleigh when Roderick Spode bursts in and Bertie must regard why he’s decided to barge in on him, responding with grace and acceptance.

Sir Roderick enquires whether Bertie knew where Gussie was and since Bertie believed Spode had no good reason knowing the whole truth, tells him he doesn’t due to having been out with family and returned, inquiring if Jeeves knew, but he already having left the room. Sir Roderick then states why he’s looking for Gussie and it having to do with breaking a valuable vertebrae, Bertie wondering why he’s consistently looking to break these parts of Bertie and now Gussie. Spode divulging his reasons since he believed Bertie held the same emotion, it being for the love of Madeline, Spode revealing to him Gussie having been found kissing the cook, he moving off and leaving Bertie devoid of life for a moment before hunting for Gussie, his decision of going in the opposite direction of Spode working sparklingly and put a light under his nose to halloo to Gussie for how calm he was currently. Gussie continues to stay along this temperament, regardless of what Bertie tells him, firstly mentioning his kiss with Emerald, Gussie enchanted and pleased with himself for having done so, he mentioning how she’d aided him with his bitten leg and then given him a package of sandwiches, comparing how Madeline had reacted to his bite, it being unfavorable.

Gussie then mentions how he planned on marrying Emerald, Bertie trying to dissuade him by mentioning how her father was, but realizing after it wouldn’t matter since the man’s character couldn’t be as bad as Bassett. Bertie is then called over by Stiffy and Stinker and so leaves Gussie for the moment, promising to resume their discussion quite soon and informing the two S’s of how he’d heard about their situation through Jeeves and how terrible it must be, Bertie then asking whether there was something he could do, Stiffy mentioning there was and to stay away from Bassett until he cooled due to Bertie’s penchant of setting the man off. Bertie was a bit affronted by the idea he would go in search of Bassett’s company, confirming he’d gladly keep his distance then stating he was returning to speak with Gussie which reminded Stiffy of something she’d then remembered to mention to Gussie as well, calling him over and describing Spode’s blood-thirsty search for him to which Gussie reproachfully wondered why Bertie hadn’t told him, which of course Bertie states he’d forgotten to mention, but Gussie would do better to away like a rabbit from a wolf, which Gussie didn’t fail to do, but unfortunately in the direction Spode was approaching from, running into him.

They both pause to get their bearings which gives Spode the necessary time to catch Gussie before continuing his mad dash away. Gussie’s glasses fall with being shaken so thoroughly by Spode, Bertie wanting to be able to alleviate the situation for his childhood chum somehow. Stiffy also had the same thoughts in mind for Stinker, who mulled over his options deciding to start with a verbal hold to his actions, but upon noticing no change in Spode’s grip on Gussie, tries putting a hand on his shoulder, soon tugging at him, Spode finally loosening his hold only to squarely hit Stinker in the middle of his face to which Stinker is seen realizing his high position as curate fade as he showed Spode what he was made of, leaving him realizing his position, newly prostrate on the ground. The scene seemed to have made Gussie withdraw into a dazed state which Bertie promptly surfaces him from by informing him to move along before Spode regains his senses and after a certain amount of distance is made suggests he ask to borrow Stiffy’s car so as to stay properly out of reach of Spode, Gussie agreeing, but instead of making haste, goes to visit Emerald, Gussie and he both describing their experience. Spode not being far behind and running in to them in the middle of this when he resumes his grip on Gussie and gives Emerald the opportunity to be the second person to come to his rescue, she armed with a china basin, which puts Spode down for the second time. Then Madeline turns up which Emerald moves quickly to avoid being seen and Gussie takes the fall for Spode’s unconsciousness, Madeline making it clear she wasn’t feeling any love toward Gussie anymore and so he takes the opportunity to eat a ham sandwich; Wonderful. Bertie then bows out hastily and quietly, seeing Jeeves coming back from the vet with Stiffy’s dog, he relating what has gone on and for the first time, Jeeves not having a way out for Bertie at the moment, so Bertie goes off in search of a drink which leads him to Sir Watkyn even though he’d promised not to mingle, but he needed a snifter and has a couple before Stiffy walks in, visibly annoyed he was there, as well, but it not stopping her informing Sir Watkyn even though he was looking forward to dinner, he wouldn’t be getting it for the cook having eloped with Gussie.

Bertie then describes how he’d constantly been mystified by how one person can be happy and the other sad about the same news, but found himself in the situation with he feeling terrible and Sir Watkyn being on the moon once hearing of Gussie and Emerald eloping. Bertie then learns through Stiffy’s chat with Sir Watkyn Gussie had not only borrowed her car for the cause, but had gone to his Aunt Dahlia’s to leave Emerald so he could go on to London to get a license from the Arch Bishop in approval to the betrothal, this taking him a bit off-guard. Stiffy then decides to try and cast her line of getting Stinker the vicarage he’d been denied due to Sir Watkyn’s elated mood, which worked out well, he consenting happily and then going after his daughter to possibly console her newly becoming single once more. Stiffy was in mid-rejoicing of her good luck for Stinker when Bertie brings to her attention after her long-winded optimism paused for a moment, she should probably get Sir Watkyn’s agreement in writing, she being thrown in to paranoia and rushing to have it done, Bertie being left alone a moment before Jeeves enters to tell him of a phone call for him.

Bertie goes off to take the call with dread at the idea it could be his Aunt Dahlia since he believed he may have done something to upset her, but happens upon her in a pleasant mood, wondering why “Fink-bottle” is at her door with his fiancée, Bertie explaining, long-windedly he had no idea Fink-Nottle had planned to go and visit her, she not waiting for the end of his long explanation, but confessing to him she was pleased about seeing the girl due to her ability to cook since Anatole had gone to bed, ill. His Aunt Dahlia then asking about what was happening with himself and Madeline, he hoping there would be nothing to report, she then getting to the point of her call, the fact she wanted to get him to buy the black statuette off of Sir Watkyn for her husband also putting out the idea he could make it easier by stealing it, but gave him a cap if he did decide to see if Sir Watkyn would sell it. Bertie contemplating this until Spode enters the room.

Bertie greets Spode too familiarly in the hopes of sounding natural, but only getting glared at for the effort, Spode then tells Bertie how he’d been searching for him and getting on his nerves with the repetitive “eh’s” and “oh’s”. Sir Watkyn then comes in looking deflated from his high of Madeline unhitched, now having decided Bertie would marry her, Bertie taking it well since he knew this is what she’d do and Sir Roderick then deciding he would have to speak with Madeline with the hope of talking her out of it. When he leaves, Bertie is saved from conversation with Sir Watkyn since Stiffy and Stinker were walking in.

Bertie pitied the two for still on their upswing of good news by Sir Watkyn, they being unaware of what his feelings seemed to show after being told about how Stinker had defended himself against Sir Roderick. Stiffy greeting Sir Watkyn and leading in to the idea of putting their agreement on paper, which he swiftly gets to his side of where they now stood, it being not so close to the promised vicarage. Stiffy at first doesn’t get what he’s not aiming to do, but then protests, Stinker trying to get his thoughts out for explanation which Sir Watkyn didn’t seem to be helping, his statements of what Stinker sounded like when he tried making Stinker stutter; ha-ha. Stiffy comes to his rescue, explaining why he’d popped Sir Roderick, it being in defense of Gussie. Sir Watkyn, considering this still didn’t change his mind about the vicarage, which Stiffy claimed would haunt him for the underestimation of “the power of a woman”, stalking out of the room. Sir Watkyn then gets news of a constable coming by to tell him of the identity of the egg-thrower, motivating Sir Watkyn out of the room to meet the constable. Stinker than asking Bertie what he thought Stiffy had meant with her foreboding words, Bertie not knowing, but how he would’ve handled it if it were aimed at him, then noticing through a window Plank was waiting outside. Bertie goes into stealth-mode and hunkers behind a sofa whilst stating to Stinker to keep it quiet with the minimal explanation of not wanting to be seen, before Plank is led into the room.

Plank makes idle conversation with Stinker until Sir Watkyn enters, speaking of their not having dinner at home this night and getting the suggestion of needing to go to the pub and if he were in West Africa how he’d have the option of sitting in with the Chief for supper, Sir Watkyn not seeing how this was helpful, at all. When Sir Watkyn withdraws to reconvene with Madeline in their conversation with her terrible choice of a new husband, Plank inquires after Pinker, Stinker making it clear he was one and the same, Plank offering him a vicarage and Stinker readily accepting. Plank goes on making conversation and Stinker tells him how he was getting married to Stiffy, Plank recognizing all the surnames mentioned and having a story about similarly named fellows he’d been on safari with, he concluding with happy endings for the chaps which weren’t all that happy. Bertie meanwhile is feeling quite back-stabbed by Jeeves when Plank tells Stinker of how he’d learned of his being a prop-forward and when all leave, Jeeves enters with a tray as Bertie stretches out from his uncomfortable position behind the sofa.

Bertie tries to stay grave when speaking with Jeeves posing an impossible way to answer his question of why Jeeves would send Plank to Totleigh Towers. Jeeves appeases Bertie’s hard feelings for being put into such an uncomfortable position, he having to hide behind the sofa and all, Bertie then remembering to tell Jeeves of his impending marriage and for Jeeves to put his noggin to the grind. Stiffy then walks in and looking quite morose, Bertie springs the news of Stinker’s good luck, she unbelieving at first and then deciding to rub it in ole Sir Watkyn’s face, then showing what she’d nicked from Sir Watkyn once more and wanting Bertie to return the item since she’d gotten the good news of Plank helping Stinker with a vicarage.

Jeeves takes over the task and Bertie is left in the room figuring an exit through the window to be best, but soon learns it won’t work since the dog, Bartholomew had set up camp outside, Madeline walking in and Bertie taking refuge behind the sofa once more to hopefully wait out her consoling herself with folk tunes (which Bertie had no fondness for) whilst playing on the piano. Spode then walks in and confronts Madeline about her terrible decision to marry Bertie albeit the lack of love she felt for him, thinking he had the dumb look of love for her, Sir Roderick deciding to come right out with his true feelings toward her. Meanwhile Bertie had to stay hidden through this and the blaspheming of his name, Sir Roderick trying to get Madeline to understand how superficial and idiotic Bertie was, as well as a thief, finally leaving the room to verify his story with Sir Watkyn all in order to get Madeline to agree to his proposal.

Jeeves then enters the room to confirm Sir Roderick’s story and after Sir Watkyn, with Plank and Sir Roderick re-entering for a drink and to tell Madeline of the truth of Bertie’s sticky fingers and the proof of his black statuette. Madeline then finally agrees to Sir Roderick’s proposal and after leaving with Sir Roderick who had something to privately discuss with her, Sir Watkyn and Plank have drinks in celebration with Plank finally discovering Bertie who finally makes his presence realized with a sneeze, ending his quiet hide-out and Sir Watkyn calling for his butler to call for the police chief who was still in his home having a drink in the kitchen so he could press charges against Bertie.

Bertie gets his walk with the Iron Arm of the Law and spends a night in a jail cell all to himself, once morning dawning, making a list to be certain he’d done everything he’d meant to and coming to the conclusion he’d made out fairly well, then getting a visit from Stiffy. She being quite remorseful to his plight, but Bertie stopping her from her point of view for having been saved from marrying Madeline, whom he had no hard feelings toward, not wanting to be married in general and then the Police Chief comes back to inform them Bertie had been let off the hook by Sir Watkyn in he wasn’t pressing charges. Stiffy was then about to invite Bertie to stick around and stay with Stinker, but Bertie was ready to leg it back home, she disappointed in his lack of backbone, in her eyes. Jeeves then pulls up in the car and once driving, tells Bertie of how he’d stimulated his release by Sir Watkyn, it being a condition Jeeves take employment with him, temporarily, Bertie surprised senseless by this notion and then realizing what Jeeves had done for him and offering him anything he desired in return, it being his beloved Alpine hat, which he was reluctant to part with, but upon weeding out the reasons, decided it was suitable. A good story and strong ending, as Jeeves and Wooster stories tend.

 

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2 thoughts on “The Jeeves Omnibus

  1. Pingback: Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog) | Book Fiend

  2. Pingback: The Man with Two Left Feet and Other Stories | Book Fiend

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