I’ve noticed a lot of people down on this novel because of a lack of Jeeves, I guess I’ll find out if there is truly a lack of humor, as well.
Bertie begins with breakies with his ole juvie chum, Reggie “Kipper” Herring, Jeeves serving, and Bertie grabbing the phone when ear-balling it. His aunt Dahlia was calling, apparently in London to meet Roderick Glossop, Bertie at first surprised until being told it was for a free meal, and she was picking up her replacement butler whilst Seppings was on vacay. Bertie then relates of Jeeves also going off for R&R the same morning, so Dahlia invites him to Brinkley, this making Jeeves’ departure more palatable, Anatole’s cooking to fortify him. Dahlia already had 5 other guests, Unc. Tom off to be a buddy to an American called Cream, wanting to do some business, which’d save him income tax…
Anywho, Dahlia was keeping Willie and Adela, the man’s son and wife, Bertie thinking the son sounded familiar. Upon hearing Bobbie Wickham was also in stock startled him a tad, a pretty girl, but whilst Bertie’d offered his hand for once, she blessedly refused, and he not wanting to get into why o-t-p. Bobbie apparently was too much of a fireball, which made Bertie wonder what this visit could throw at him. Dahlia throws Aubrey Upjohn at him along with his step-kid, Phyllis, Bertie knowing Upjohn to be the sort one wished not to meet again, as Kipper had warned him years ago, but he insisting on tagging with her god-child, Phyllis. Dahlia planned to use him to give prizes at the local grammar school, she bidding him farewell soon after. (I’ve already come across a short-pip of an entertaining conversation with Dahlia which begins the delightfulness for me, so lets see if it continues!)
Bertie absorbs all the pills to come, returning to Kipper to catch him up, they on Upjohn for a bit, and Kipper meeting Phyllis, a “goofy” girl. After Bertie requires Jeeves to pack for him, Kipper is quietly giggling with jam and toast-filled mouth about how envious he was of Bertie being able to see Upjohn’s face when he read a review of his work, having written about the same school the 2 had been punished to go with Upjohn and eat his crap meals, Kipper having the opp. to review his work and not sparing his feelings Before Jeeves leaves, Bertie was reminded of whom Willie was, his name popular in NY for making scenes in clubs, like a college frat. Jeeves biffs off, and Bertie considers canceling, 3 problem kids too much for the Bertie constitution, but Ana’s food reviving his resolve, even if his hand did shake whilst lighting a ciggy. He’s then disturbed by the phone, Bobbie’s ma on the line, bawling, and asking if it was true what she’d reading the Times, Bertie confused, but then Ma Wickham laughing unstably and making a large thump, her butler coming on to announce her passing out and ending the call. Bertie grabs the copy Jeeves subscribed him to and searches, locating the offensive material in the Engagements column, seeing his name was a part of the same sentence as Bobbie.
Bertie was definitely at a loss for when he’d gotten Bobbie to agree to marry him, so when he arrives at Brinkley next day at noon, he was quite ready to hear more from his affianced. Since no tea was being had outside, he decides to take a wander in the sun, first hearing poetreh being read, then getting greeted by yappy dachshund, Bertie deducing he’d rooted out Willie and Phyllis, she seeming like the type to baby speak, which she did in regards to her pup and Kipper when she received Bertie relaying his best, WIllie impatient for a departing Bertie, so asks if there was someone in particular he was after, not caring where he left as long as he’d done so, but Phyllis providing Bobbie’s location, so Willie offering direct instructions to the lake, Bertie ready to give the boy a lashing of words, but refrains for the auntie, off and view hallooing Bobbie fishing on the pier in no time, she ready for Bertie’s puzzlement and confessing it was a part of a plan to make Reggie sound wonderful.
Apparently, she wanted her ma to be ready for her “real” marriage wants to Kipper. All this takes them til 5 pm, Bobbie guest-hosting for Dahlia, since her son, Bonzo was sick at school, she off like a flash, and Bertie left to wonder how it was Kipper whom’d tamed her wild heart, his boi not a looker by any means, what with his boxing leftover injuries. He considers how she must’ve actually looked deeper, since Kipper was a golden-spirited fella, she usually after the high society sportos. So, Bertie was plodding his way back when he quite unexpectedly body checks Upjohn, the 2 awkwardly close and practically dancing to stay upright. Bertie calls him out and Upjohn required a reminder of whom he’d partnered with a mo. ago, he uncaring and the 2 walking to tea, the only other attendees, being Bobbie and Glossop dressed and acting like a butler.
Bertie begins by stating normally he’d be well-nerved, but everyone’s got their leak, and mental doc’s wearing butler gear was the one. Bertie jumps like a bean and throws his tea upon Upjohn’s trou, he refraining from cussing, but Bertie able to fill in the blanks with the dirty look given. He then shares with Bobbie how much of a klutz Bertie’d always been, Upjohn getting an apology of which he didn’t accept, since his white flannel most likely were stained forever. Bobbie takes a crack at Bertie which leads to him instead countering with his q about Glossop, she gathering her thoughts on how to explain why he’d wished to do this taking as long as it took Bertie to gobble a cake. She starts with Upjohn wanting Phyl to marry Willie, and she obliging for being dedicated to him. Dahlia didn’t wish for this though, believing him a “screwball”, she inviting Glossop to watch for signs of nuts. Bobbie wants to help Dahlia, so suggests Glossop, Dahlia then having proof if crazy, this allowing Willie to get closer to mental health and away from marrying Phyl. This all takes place under “buttling” cover to save Ma Cream’s feelings. So, when Bertie mentions how he’d found Willie and Phyl lounging with poetry, Bobbie mistakes haste to share of Bertie’s purpose of staying was to make sure Willie didn’t get the chance to propose, Bertie disliking this role, but must swallow for dear ole Dahlia.
Bertie could detect at a “g.”-lance upon his arrival, of Willie regarding him as a “buttinki”, but when Phyl learns she’s late, hops to it. Bertie and she finds Bobbie alone, she relating Upjohn’s plan to go to London, Phyl checking if he’d left yet, and Bobbie deducing Upjohn had most likely read Kipper’s article. As they’re chatting, Ma Cream turns up, she having wrote a chapter and felt breaky time was due. Bertie gives stellar desc. of she looking like Sherlock Holmes (pff, haha!) Bobbie throwing Bertie under the bus by confessing Bertie’s fandom and he killing time for an answer, when Bobbie receives message, most likely from mama. Glossop has delivered it, and as retreating, Ma Cream mentions her suspicion of the man not actually being actual staff, the worry upon Bertie, so he speaks on Glossop’s behalf, Bobbie rallying round, as well. Ma Cream isn’t buying though, she reminding of Unc. Tom’s silver collection, Bertie harking to when he’d stolen the cow creamer for him, then mentioning the gem was in the (Ganymede?) “archives”. Then, when Bertie declares wishing to leave, Bobbie states requiring to see her ma and some host-like structure must be present til Dahlia is come. Bertie then gets Dahlia’s addy off her, so he could update the aged r.
Bertie wasn’t feeling Jeeves’ advice regarding seeing a situation brighter upon new day, it darker, and Willie seeming more hostile every time he runs into Bertie. So, when Phyl announces going off to type papa’s speech, Willie walks the pup, and Bertie grabs one of Ma Cream’s novels, lifted from Dahlia’s library, and is lulled into nap by 2nd chapter. Fortunately, upon waking, is required at the phone, Dahlia calling. She updates on Bonzo’s health, and in return Bertie reveals Ma Cream’s paranoia, Dahlia unconcerned, but not okay with Bertie possibly requiring to defend himself against Willie if Bertie’s presence constantly around him gets his gander, so when suggesting Kipper come tag Bertie out, everyone’d be covered and Unc. Tom’s deal wouldn’t be put in danger. Dahlia giving her blessing to write him on her behalf, Bertie heading toward relief and upon ringing for a shot, gets Glossop. The man doesn’t seem upset with him though, instead confirming Bertie knew the reason for his presence and job title, also divulging not having decided the state of the young man. In any case, he gets to the point of the ring and Bertie embarrassedly puts in his order, Glossop obliging and also returning with a letter from Jeeves regarding WIllie, he sharing with Glossop, which has them haster to the Unc’s collection room, cow creamer the missing link.
Glossop acts bowled over by the realization, Bobbie coming in and overhearing, she brings up Glossop now having a reason for Willie being a nutter. Bobbie discovers the snowball of a scheme she creates with Bertie unshaken by her decision he would look in Willie’s room, Bertie stalking away with what he believed was ice-cold. Upon noting the loveliness of the day and being too chivalrous, since inside readying to snoop, he surprises and is surprised by a maid inside talking of mice being about, the cat she’d brought to catch them being noticed to sleepy state, and Bertie getting the room to himself. He aims straight for the armoire, and as he’s reaching atop it after climbing a chair, hears Bobbie, quite close, asking status, he so overcome, sits upon a chair, and when senses return, Bobbie’d biffed, and Ma Cream comes in, Bertie using the mice excuse and being passive-aggressively made to exit.
Bertie locates Bobbie in his chair with his Cream book outside, she offerring to help him this time by warning of anyone outside by singing, which then gave him a chance to go out the balcony and shimmy down a water pipe, a specialty of Bertie’s, making him more comfy, and not wanting to have his Unc. Tom upset. They go back, and Bertie gets caught again by Ma Cream, he leaving with the advice to sleep, what with his mouse hunt obsession getting persistent. Upon detecting Bobbie at her car, she explains of her ma calling to bad mouth him, and she going off to have a detailed chat with her, now. So, Bertie returns to his book and falls asleep for a couple hours, when waking, sends the telegram for Kipper, and he then seeing him through the front door, getting out from his car.
Bertie greets him with confusion and upon seeing the wrought look upon his face, he relates having seen the engagements column, Bertie allowing Kipper to stay hooked before bringing him in to the fold, the chap not wanting to lose their old buddy-hood, and then cursing Bobbie, name-calling style. Finally, after he suggests he’d propose to Phyl, Bertie lays out his hand, Kipper well impressed with his chick, and getting better news of invitation to dinner and staying awhile, he at first worrying he’d be asked to pull a Gussie and hand prizes out, he quite willing to be the puncher, if WIllie deemed it necessary. Once cleaning up a bit, he’d be ready to keep the lovebirds apart, thinking of Anatole’s goodness.
Bertie rang for Glossop, since he didn’t know which rooms were free, “conspiratorial” looks getting thrown around merrily between the 2, and Bertie having a talk with him later, upon meeting in “his” pantry, he’s praising Glossop’s style and again unshockingly learns Bobbie’d been behind his name. After, he updates him of what’d taken place, receiving criticism on his excuse and Glossop unprepared to supply a better one, the man going forward with how perhaps Bertie was right to try and decline this task, believing now, himself a better choice. Bertie comes round when Glossop muses on stealing biscuits in his school, Bertie also having the feels of brohood.
The 2 then compare the types which they preferred and what was available to them upon nicking some, Bertie the one one to have been caught a single time. He wishes Glossop well on his hunt, then goes to replace Ma Cream’s book back, but instead decides to read a bit more before din din, interrupted by a parroting Kipper until Glossop comes in with drinks, relating of bad tidings. Bertie then listens to what Kipper’d sent by letter to Bobbie before knowing about her plan, and whilst he’d spoken with her in order to keep her from opening it, she does anyways, and gives him a good ole fashioned girl-talk whipping, she now after Bertie and he deciding Jeeves was needed on the case, off to Herne Bay. He doesn’t catch him and leaves a message for a return call, getting it at the Drones, and once finished, Jeeves stating he’d drop all to come to Brinkley and assist. They plan to meet at his apartment and drive up together, Bertie conversing about Poppet the dog’s temperament, and Jeeves confirming he hadn’t come up with a plan, yet, soon spotting Bobbie’s vehicle outside an inn, he deciding to sweetly chat t’were in order Jeeves waiting outside with his Spinoza.
Bobbie is surprised, but listens as Bertie is led to his point, taking a gentle path, so as not to anger her. When he’d finished, she shocks him with an empathetic response, she saying she hadn’t actually meant what she’d berated Kipper with, and was only feeling this for a handful of minutes, Bertie being sure to get the clearest answer, the 2 then moving to how Kipper’d been like every other boy as a youth and their time in Upjohn’s reign. After this Bertie walks her out and he returns to Jeeves in much higher spirits, he relating the now single issue of Willie and cow creamer. Bertie’s parking of his car reveals his Aunt’s return, as well, upon greeting updating her on why he’d picked up Jeeves being useless, now and the story of Bobbie and Kipper. When Bertie asks where Kipper was off hiding, Dahlia confides he was performing his duty, Willie and Phyl. out, so he with them. Bertie then mentions Willie’s thievery compulsion, Dahlia confessing she knew about the cow creamer, since Tom’d sold it to him.
Bertie is quite gutted with the thought of how much he’d gone through all for it to be unnecessary, Dahlia thoroughly amused. Bobbie then arrives, not looking chipper to Bertie, a hooded look about the eyes, she wanting to read Ma Cream’s book, Dahlia consenting heartily. Upon Bertie referring to Kipper, she says something so puzzling to them both, it takes a couple sentences to realize the tide had changed, Bertie considering ringing Jeeves and instead wants to locate Kipper, he making it easy and showing up. Bertie and Dahlia have him share the deets, he hedging a little, til letting out with getting engaged to Phyl, but this non-bindingly discussed between them and solely to turn off the Cream, Bobbie coming by as he locked lips with her to make it look authentic. Bobbie was letting Kipper have it agian out of range for Phyl to hear, she not having appreciated the buddiness between them at a previous holiday, Dahlia about to share her opinion when Phyl pops up to join them.
She informs Dahlia of Step-Pop’s call and he’d be back in the evening, he having been seeing his attorney about suing Kipper’s job for their article. This gives ole Kipper a shock, what comes next being a convo filled with the book Upjohn wrote being themed “preparatory schools” and this being repeated by dear, simple Phyl like it explained it all, she then off to fee her puppers, Poppet. After clarifying why Kipper was acting so torn up to Dahlia, she goes off in search of a copy of the article for curiosity, Bertie not understanding this, but distracted by how screwed Kipper was if Upjohn’s suit won and how his career’d be over. Bobbie comes back in stating she’d picked the wrong novel, and when seeing Kipper freezes, Bertie describing it hilariously. Not knowing why, of everything, Lot’s wife’d get turnt to salt.
Bobbie was speaking with stank when interrupted by a haunted moan from Kipper, upon viewing his stricken f., bounded at him like a wild cat to her cub, and inquires what ailed him, with concern. She briefly accuses Bertie of woe-ing her boo, he denying, then Aunt Dahlia returning with results, quoting the entirety, which Bertie delighted in, but Dahlia knowing it to be a brutal account of Upjohn’s book. The conclusion of the article is detailed, but the last sentence Kipper denies writing. Bobbie soon confesses she’d done it, thinking he’d meant to keep it, and she liking the statement of the kind of pig turnt to sausages every Sunday.
Bobbie apologises profusely, Kipper taking it quite well, esp. after Bertie refrains to correct Kipper’s earlier words of he being known as trubs at any future companies. Bobbie then suggests upon Upjohn’s return, he’d be able to charisma-tize him, Kipper deciding a drink t’were the ticket, everyone seal-yelping at Glossop in his pantry, Kipper taking some me-time, Glossop gaining interest of the young man, and learning of Bobbie, Bertie, and his friendship/engagement, Bobbie getting annoyed and bowing out, as well, Glossop speaking with Bertie about noting Kipper’s “neurosis”, and Bertie explaining the reason being a good’n. But, upon stating their posish was stuck, Glossop relates a story which he believed put Bertie’s theory out.
Glossop describing a young couple at first not being consented to marry, until after the boy’d saved his girl’s pop. Glossop states how this was simply an extra idea, but Bertie gives him mad props, definitely spreading the word, he later remembering he forgot to update Gloss. on Willie’s purchase, then not caring to complete his mish. He first goes to spring the noggins of both Bobbie and Kipper’s bowed heads. They q Bertie on how he’d come across the plan, Kipper wondering the strangeness of Swordfish, Bertie maintaining his normalness as a butler.
Bertie was let down by Jeeves take on Gloss.’s plan, he at first thinking it Bobbie’s, Bertie making a date as to get the full Jeeves reasoning, inviting him to watch it go down in a few mins. Bertie still gets the gist of Jeeves’ not liking it for sensing failure, and lack of grace, Bertie becoming defensive and thinking Jeeves jelly. Kipper’d already had courage failure when seeing Upjohn’s shaved upper lip, this a trauma ages old. Bertie sees Upjohn first, he still early, since Bobbie wasn’t with him, yet. Bertie muses how comfy Upjohn’d be upon hitting the cool water, since the day was tropical, he soon interrupted by a sad-looking Willie (Haha!) and Poppet, Bertie hoped would biff off soonish for his part he must soon play. Willie was chatting of Ma Cream telling him about Bertie’s mice obsession, he keeping it cool, Willie coming to the part where his cow creamer’d gone missing, and Bertie thrumming a bit, but still chill, alas-ing not catching the Gloss. in time.
Bertie is smoking the most “nonchalant”-making ciggy, advising Willie he needn’t bother informing his Aunt, since items like these show up again, Upjohn and Bobbie coming by, and Bertie noting to definitely have Gloss stick the gem back. Upjohn currently was in a mood, Bobbie having brought him to see a big fish in the lake, Bertie confirming this, and Upjohn wanting to be near the phone for his attorney’s call. When Upjohn tells of wishing he’d stay’d in, he begins to retreat, but stays a mo. more at their request, Bobbie saying her line, but Phyl then announcing Upjohn’s lawyer was waiting. He biffs off quick, Phyl carrying, Augustus the cat for Poppet to meet. The pup acts excited as Augustus snoozes at Phyl’s feet, and when the pup approaches and gets spat at, he flies at Bertie, and the 2 go into the lake, Kipper grabbing Bertie and at first thinking him Upjohn, whilst Willie’d saved Poppet. Bertie relates how shit had gotten complicated.
Bertie, Kipper, and Bobbie arrive back looking wet to he gills, Dahlia making note and attesting to Willie having looked similar, Bertie changes costume quickly and is met by Kipper and Bobbie after, they not looking as broken as they should, and being told of Dahlia’s new/old plan to have Bertie berate insults at Upjohn, so Kipper can defend him, then allow the 2 speak of his suit against his job. Bertie couldn’t decline due to the Wooster code, but he did walk off silently, going to his rarely visited Unc. Tom’s room of silver. He greets Upjohn reading one of Ma Cream’s novels, Bertie overcome by Upjohn’s looks and the room reminding him of Upjohn’s office from years ago at school. Bertie notes Upjohn wanted him to leave, but he stays strong and is interrupted by Phyl after mentioning Kipper. This has Bertie leaving out the French windows and being met by Bobbie giving him shit for not getting to his part quickly enough, and now must reconnoiter. Bertie sees Dahlia again, she updating Phyl’s status of engagem. to Willie.
Bertie properly empathised with Dahlia as she describes the mo. Phyl’d been taken in being with Willie getting her puppers out of water. Dahlia laments how she now hadn’t been able to keep her promise to Phyl’s ma, and once learning Upjohn’s close quarters, bellows for him, he turns up, and Dahlia lets him have it with her righteous anger. Upjohn takes her abuse up to a point, but then clarifies which Cream bro she was attached to being the prof of romance lit, this being Wilfred and not Wilbert, the playboy, he then shooting off after hearing the phone.
Dahlia blasts off with her dislike of how both bros shared the same nickname, Bertie again mentioning she chuck Upjohn, the idiot out, after she’s noted not having invited him in the first. He comes back in looking much less smug, attempting to get words out. Apparently his lawyer’d rustled up Kipper’s identity and stated how it was either he or Kipper whom’d leave Dahlia’s party, so Dahlia again is given opp. to give him shade, Bertie being tasked with giving hima ride and Jeeves, filling in for Glossop’s day off, would pack his bags.
Bertie gets Upjohn to the inn, and worries whether Dahlia had calmed. He learns she’d gone to her room for deep breathing of cologne, Bobbie in happiness over Jeeves having taken Upjohn’s speech, this ofc somehow keeping him from suing Kipper’s job. Apparently the idea was, he’d be unable to make his speech and he’d be willing to trade. Bobbie designates Bertie to the task just in time for the call, Bertie losing his nerve when hearing his voice. He goes through much yes and no-ing Mr. Upjohn until Bobbie takes the phone, lays on some honeying foundation to Bertie’s irritating nature. She shows his posish and he relents to her delight, Bertie discussing being in awe of the females with Jeeves.
Ma Cream comes in to tell Bertie of her suspicion of Gloss’d been confirmed, Berite sitting to hear the long tale. She gets to the bit of messaging lady Gloss about their employment of Swordfish, she not knowing the name, proving Ma Cream’s point, but Bertie throwing doubt upon wifey’s ability to remember the helps names, Ma Cream not ending there, but mentioning Swordfish currently in possession of Willie’s cow creamer. She also states of having rung for the cops and expected them soon, and would stand outside the door so no one could mess about inside. Bertie tells Dahlia and Bobbie when they come in, Dahlia bidding he head off Gloss’s return whilst Bobbie’d retrieve Jeeves.
Bertie looks for as long as his tummy’d allow, returning two apprise Bobbie, she updating he’d return’d long ago. Not only this, but also Jeeves figured it all out by having Gloss state his business, and then Ma Cream corroborates with her suspicions of Berite, Jeeves continually reminding this embarrassing status was only known to those at Brinkley, offerring him a drink. Upon reminding him, he takes the hit for his Uncle Tom’s happiness, Berite forgiving his rep again being sacrificed.
Bloody wonderful, I’m going to miss them once I’m finished. Continual reading in my future!