Jeeves in the Offing

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I’ve noticed a lot of people down on this novel because of a lack of Jeeves, I guess I’ll find out if there is truly a lack of humor, as well.

Bertie begins with breakies with his ole juvie chum, Reggie “Kipper” Herring, Jeeves serving, and Bertie grabbing the phone when ear-balling it. His aunt Dahlia was calling, apparently in London to meet Roderick Glossop, Bertie at first surprised until being told it was for a free meal, and she was picking up her replacement butler whilst Seppings was on vacay. Bertie then relates of Jeeves also going off for R&R the same morning, so Dahlia invites him to Brinkley, this making Jeeves’ departure more palatable, Anatole’s cooking to fortify him. Dahlia already had 5 other guests, Unc. Tom off to be a buddy to an American called Cream, wanting to do some business, which’d save him income tax…

Anywho, Dahlia was keeping Willie and Adela, the man’s son and wife, Bertie thinking the son sounded familiar. Upon hearing Bobbie Wickham was also in stock startled him a tad, a pretty girl, but whilst Bertie’d offered his hand for once, she blessedly refused, and he not wanting to get into why o-t-p. Bobbie apparently was too much of a fireball, which made Bertie wonder what this visit could throw at him. Dahlia throws Aubrey Upjohn at him along with his step-kid, Phyllis, Bertie knowing Upjohn to be the sort one wished not to meet again, as Kipper had warned him years ago, but he insisting on tagging with her god-child, Phyllis. Dahlia planned to use him to give prizes at the local grammar school, she bidding him farewell soon after. (I’ve already come across a short-pip of an entertaining conversation with Dahlia which begins the delightfulness for me, so lets see if it continues!)

Bertie absorbs all the pills to come, returning to Kipper to catch him up, they on Upjohn for a bit, and Kipper meeting Phyllis, a “goofy” girl. After Bertie requires Jeeves to pack for him, Kipper is quietly giggling with jam and toast-filled mouth about how envious he was of Bertie being able to see Upjohn’s face when he read a review of his work, having written about the same school the 2 had been punished to go with Upjohn and eat his crap meals, Kipper having the opp. to review his work and not sparing his feelings Before Jeeves leaves, Bertie was reminded of whom Willie was, his name popular in NY for making scenes in clubs, like a college frat. Jeeves biffs off, and Bertie considers canceling, 3 problem kids too much for the Bertie constitution, but Ana’s food reviving his resolve, even if his hand did shake whilst lighting a ciggy. He’s then disturbed by the phone, Bobbie’s ma on the line, bawling, and asking if it was true what she’d reading the Times, Bertie confused, but then Ma Wickham laughing unstably and making a large thump, her butler coming on to announce her passing out and ending the call. Bertie grabs the copy Jeeves subscribed him to and searches, locating the offensive material in the Engagements column, seeing his name was a part of the same sentence as Bobbie.

Bertie was definitely at a loss for when he’d gotten Bobbie to agree to marry him, so when he arrives at Brinkley next day at noon, he was quite ready to hear more from his affianced. Since no tea was being had outside, he decides to take a wander in the sun, first hearing poetreh being read, then getting greeted by yappy dachshund, Bertie deducing he’d rooted out Willie and Phyllis, she seeming like the type to baby speak, which she did in regards to her pup and Kipper when she received Bertie relaying his best, WIllie impatient for a departing Bertie, so asks if there was someone in particular he was after, not caring where he left as long as he’d done so, but Phyllis providing Bobbie’s location, so Willie offering direct instructions to the lake, Bertie ready to give the boy a lashing of words, but refrains for the auntie, off and view hallooing Bobbie fishing on the pier in no time, she ready for Bertie’s puzzlement and confessing it was a part of a plan to make Reggie sound wonderful.

Apparently, she wanted her ma to be ready for her “real” marriage wants to Kipper. All this takes them til 5 pm, Bobbie guest-hosting for Dahlia, since her son, Bonzo was sick at school, she off like a flash, and Bertie left to wonder how it was Kipper whom’d tamed her wild heart, his boi not a looker by any means, what with his boxing leftover injuries. He considers how she must’ve actually looked deeper, since Kipper was a golden-spirited fella, she usually after the high society sportos. So, Bertie was plodding his way back when he quite unexpectedly body checks Upjohn, the 2 awkwardly close and practically dancing to stay upright. Bertie calls him out and Upjohn required a reminder of whom he’d partnered with a mo. ago, he uncaring and the 2 walking to tea, the only other attendees, being Bobbie and Glossop dressed and acting like a butler.

Bertie begins by stating normally he’d be well-nerved, but everyone’s got their leak, and mental doc’s wearing butler gear was the one. Bertie jumps like a bean and throws his tea upon Upjohn’s trou, he refraining from cussing, but Bertie able to fill in the blanks with the dirty look given. He then shares with Bobbie how much of a klutz Bertie’d always been, Upjohn getting an apology of which he didn’t accept, since his white flannel most likely were stained forever. Bobbie takes a crack at Bertie which leads to him instead countering with his q about Glossop, she gathering her thoughts on how to explain why he’d wished to do this taking as long as it took Bertie to gobble a cake. She starts with Upjohn wanting Phyl to marry Willie, and she obliging for being dedicated to him. Dahlia didn’t wish for this though, believing him a “screwball”, she inviting Glossop to watch for signs of nuts. Bobbie wants to help Dahlia, so suggests Glossop, Dahlia then having proof if crazy, this allowing Willie to get closer to mental health and away from marrying Phyl. This all takes place under “buttling” cover to save Ma Cream’s feelings. So, when Bertie mentions how he’d found Willie and Phyl lounging with poetry, Bobbie mistakes haste to share of Bertie’s purpose of staying was to make sure Willie didn’t get the chance to propose, Bertie disliking this role, but must swallow for dear ole Dahlia.

Bertie could detect at a “g.”-lance upon his arrival, of Willie regarding him as a “buttinki”, but when Phyl learns she’s late, hops to it. Bertie and she finds Bobbie alone, she relating Upjohn’s plan to go to London, Phyl checking if he’d left yet, and Bobbie deducing Upjohn had most likely read Kipper’s article. As they’re chatting, Ma Cream turns up, she having wrote a chapter and felt breaky time was due. Bertie gives stellar desc. of she looking like Sherlock Holmes (pff, haha!) Bobbie throwing Bertie under the bus by confessing Bertie’s fandom and he killing time for an answer, when Bobbie receives message, most likely from mama. Glossop has delivered it, and as retreating, Ma Cream mentions her suspicion of the man not actually being actual staff, the worry upon Bertie, so he speaks on Glossop’s behalf, Bobbie rallying round, as well. Ma Cream isn’t buying though, she reminding of Unc. Tom’s silver collection, Bertie harking to when he’d stolen the cow creamer for him, then mentioning the gem was in the (Ganymede?) “archives”. Then, when Bertie declares wishing to leave, Bobbie states requiring to see her ma and some host-like structure must be present til Dahlia is come. Bertie then gets Dahlia’s addy off her, so he could update the aged r.

Bertie wasn’t feeling Jeeves’ advice regarding seeing a situation brighter upon new day, it darker, and Willie seeming more hostile every time he runs into Bertie. So, when Phyl announces going off to type papa’s speech, Willie walks the pup, and Bertie grabs one of Ma Cream’s novels, lifted from Dahlia’s library, and is lulled into nap by 2nd chapter. Fortunately, upon waking, is required at the phone, Dahlia calling. She updates on Bonzo’s health, and in return Bertie reveals Ma Cream’s paranoia, Dahlia unconcerned, but not okay with Bertie possibly requiring to defend himself against Willie if Bertie’s presence constantly around him gets his gander, so when suggesting Kipper come tag Bertie out, everyone’d be covered and Unc. Tom’s deal wouldn’t be put in danger. Dahlia giving her blessing to write him on her behalf, Bertie heading toward relief and upon ringing for a shot, gets Glossop. The man doesn’t seem upset with him though, instead confirming Bertie knew the reason for his presence and job title, also divulging not having decided the state of the young man. In any case, he gets to the point of the ring and Bertie embarrassedly puts in his order, Glossop obliging and also returning with a letter from Jeeves regarding WIllie, he sharing with Glossop, which has them haster to the Unc’s collection room, cow creamer the missing link.

Glossop acts bowled over by the realization, Bobbie coming in and overhearing, she brings up Glossop now having a reason for Willie being a nutter. Bobbie discovers the snowball of a scheme she creates with Bertie unshaken by her decision he would look in Willie’s room, Bertie stalking away with what he believed was ice-cold. Upon noting the loveliness of the day and being too chivalrous, since inside readying to snoop, he surprises and is surprised by a maid inside talking of mice being about, the cat she’d brought to catch them being noticed to sleepy state, and Bertie getting the room to himself. He aims straight for the armoire, and as he’s reaching atop it after climbing a chair, hears Bobbie, quite close, asking status, he so overcome, sits upon a chair, and when senses return, Bobbie’d biffed, and Ma Cream comes in, Bertie using the mice excuse and being passive-aggressively made to exit.

Bertie locates Bobbie in his chair with his Cream book outside, she offerring to help him this time by warning of anyone outside by singing, which then gave him a chance to go out the balcony and shimmy down a water pipe, a specialty of Bertie’s, making him more comfy, and not wanting to have his Unc. Tom upset. They go back, and Bertie gets caught again by Ma Cream, he leaving with the advice to sleep, what with his mouse hunt obsession getting persistent. Upon detecting Bobbie at her car, she explains of her ma calling to bad mouth him, and she going off to have a detailed chat with her, now. So, Bertie returns to his book and falls asleep for a couple hours, when waking, sends the telegram for Kipper, and he then seeing him through the front door, getting out from his car.

Bertie greets him with confusion and upon seeing the wrought look upon his face, he relates having seen the engagements column, Bertie allowing Kipper to stay hooked before bringing him in to the fold, the chap not wanting to lose their old buddy-hood, and then cursing Bobbie, name-calling style. Finally, after he suggests he’d propose to Phyl, Bertie lays out his hand, Kipper well impressed with his chick, and getting better news of invitation to dinner and staying awhile, he at first worrying he’d be asked to pull a Gussie and hand prizes out, he quite willing to be the puncher, if WIllie deemed it necessary. Once cleaning up a bit, he’d be ready to keep the lovebirds apart, thinking of Anatole’s goodness.

Bertie rang for Glossop, since he didn’t know which rooms were free, “conspiratorial” looks getting thrown around merrily between the 2, and Bertie having a talk with him later, upon meeting in “his” pantry, he’s praising Glossop’s style and again unshockingly learns Bobbie’d been behind his name. After, he updates him of what’d taken place, receiving criticism on his excuse and Glossop unprepared to supply a better one, the man going forward with how perhaps Bertie was right to try and decline this task, believing now, himself a better choice. Bertie comes round when Glossop muses on stealing biscuits in his school, Bertie also having the feels of brohood.

The 2 then compare the types which they preferred and what was available to them upon nicking some, Bertie the one one to have been caught a single time. He wishes Glossop well on his hunt, then goes to replace Ma Cream’s book back, but instead decides to read a bit more before din din, interrupted by a parroting Kipper until Glossop comes in with drinks, relating of bad tidings. Bertie then listens to what Kipper’d sent by letter to Bobbie before knowing about her plan, and whilst he’d spoken with her in order to keep her from opening it, she does anyways, and gives him a good ole fashioned girl-talk whipping, she now after Bertie and he deciding Jeeves was needed on the case, off to Herne Bay. He doesn’t catch him and leaves a message for a return call, getting it at the Drones, and once finished, Jeeves stating he’d drop all to come to Brinkley and assist. They plan to meet at his apartment and drive up together, Bertie conversing about Poppet the dog’s temperament, and Jeeves confirming he hadn’t come up with a plan, yet, soon spotting Bobbie’s vehicle outside an inn, he deciding to sweetly chat t’were in order Jeeves waiting outside with his Spinoza.

Bobbie is surprised, but listens as Bertie is led to his point, taking a gentle path, so as not to anger her. When he’d finished, she shocks him with an empathetic response, she saying she hadn’t actually meant what she’d berated Kipper with, and was only feeling this for a handful of minutes, Bertie being sure to get the clearest answer, the 2 then moving to how Kipper’d been like every other boy as a youth and their time in Upjohn’s reign. After this Bertie walks her out and he returns to Jeeves in much higher spirits, he relating the now single issue of Willie and cow creamer. Bertie’s parking of his car reveals his Aunt’s return, as well, upon greeting updating her on why he’d picked up Jeeves being useless, now and the story of Bobbie and Kipper. When Bertie asks where Kipper was off hiding, Dahlia confides he was performing his duty, Willie and Phyl. out, so he with them. Bertie then mentions Willie’s thievery compulsion, Dahlia confessing she knew about the cow creamer, since Tom’d sold it to him.

Bertie is quite gutted with the thought of how much he’d gone through all for it to be unnecessary, Dahlia thoroughly amused. Bobbie then arrives, not looking chipper to Bertie, a hooded look about the eyes, she wanting to read Ma Cream’s book, Dahlia consenting heartily. Upon Bertie referring to Kipper, she says something so puzzling to them both, it takes a couple sentences to realize the tide had changed, Bertie considering ringing Jeeves and instead wants to locate Kipper, he making it easy and showing up. Bertie and Dahlia have him share the deets, he hedging a little, til letting out with getting engaged to Phyl, but this non-bindingly discussed between them and solely to turn off the Cream, Bobbie coming by as he locked lips with her to make it look authentic. Bobbie was letting Kipper have it agian out of range for Phyl to hear, she not having appreciated the buddiness between them at a previous holiday, Dahlia about to share her opinion when Phyl pops up to join them.

She informs Dahlia of Step-Pop’s call and he’d be back in the evening, he having been seeing his attorney about suing Kipper’s job for their article. This gives ole Kipper a shock, what comes next being a convo filled with the book Upjohn wrote being themed “preparatory schools” and this being repeated by dear, simple Phyl like it explained it all, she then off to fee her puppers, Poppet. After clarifying why Kipper was acting so torn up to Dahlia, she goes off in search of a copy of the article for curiosity, Bertie not understanding this, but distracted by how screwed Kipper was if Upjohn’s suit won and how his career’d be over. Bobbie comes back in stating she’d picked the wrong novel, and when seeing Kipper freezes, Bertie describing it hilariously. Not knowing why, of everything, Lot’s wife’d get turnt to salt.

Bobbie was speaking with stank when interrupted by a haunted moan from Kipper, upon viewing his stricken f., bounded at him like a wild cat to her cub, and inquires what ailed him, with concern. She briefly accuses Bertie of woe-ing her boo, he denying, then Aunt Dahlia returning with results, quoting the entirety, which Bertie delighted in, but Dahlia knowing it to be a brutal account of Upjohn’s book. The conclusion of the article is detailed, but the last sentence Kipper denies writing. Bobbie soon confesses she’d done it, thinking he’d meant to keep it, and she liking the statement of the kind of pig turnt to sausages every Sunday.

Bobbie apologises profusely, Kipper taking it quite well, esp. after Bertie refrains to correct Kipper’s earlier words of he being known as trubs at any future companies. Bobbie then suggests upon Upjohn’s return, he’d be able to charisma-tize him, Kipper deciding a drink t’were the ticket, everyone seal-yelping at Glossop in his pantry, Kipper taking some me-time, Glossop gaining interest of the young man, and learning of Bobbie, Bertie, and his friendship/engagement, Bobbie getting annoyed and bowing out, as well, Glossop speaking with Bertie about noting Kipper’s “neurosis”, and Bertie explaining the reason being a good’n. But, upon stating their posish was stuck, Glossop relates a story which he believed put Bertie’s theory out.

Glossop describing a young couple at first not being consented to marry, until after the boy’d saved his girl’s pop. Glossop states how this was simply an extra idea, but Bertie gives him mad props, definitely spreading the word, he later remembering he forgot to update Gloss. on Willie’s purchase, then not caring to complete his mish. He first goes to spring the noggins of both Bobbie and Kipper’s bowed heads. They q Bertie on how he’d come across the plan, Kipper wondering the strangeness of Swordfish, Bertie maintaining his normalness as a butler.

Bertie was let down by Jeeves take on Gloss.’s plan, he at first thinking it Bobbie’s, Bertie making a date as to get the full Jeeves reasoning, inviting him to watch it go down in a few mins. Bertie still gets the gist of Jeeves’ not liking it for sensing failure, and lack of grace, Bertie becoming defensive and thinking Jeeves jelly. Kipper’d already had courage failure when seeing Upjohn’s shaved upper lip, this a trauma ages old. Bertie sees Upjohn first, he still early, since Bobbie wasn’t with him, yet. Bertie muses how comfy Upjohn’d be upon hitting the cool water, since the day was tropical, he soon interrupted by a sad-looking Willie (Haha!) and Poppet, Bertie hoped would biff off soonish for his part he must soon play. Willie was chatting of Ma Cream telling him about Bertie’s mice obsession, he keeping it cool, Willie coming to the part where his cow creamer’d gone missing, and Bertie thrumming a bit, but still chill, alas-ing not catching the Gloss. in time.

Bertie is smoking the most “nonchalant”-making ciggy, advising Willie he needn’t bother informing his Aunt, since items like these show up again, Upjohn and Bobbie coming by, and Bertie noting to definitely have Gloss stick the gem back. Upjohn currently was in a mood, Bobbie having brought him to see a big fish in the lake, Bertie confirming this, and Upjohn wanting to be near the phone for his attorney’s call. When Upjohn tells of wishing he’d stay’d in, he begins to retreat, but stays a mo. more at their request, Bobbie saying her line, but Phyl then announcing Upjohn’s lawyer was waiting. He biffs off quick, Phyl carrying, Augustus the cat for Poppet to meet. The pup acts excited as Augustus snoozes at Phyl’s feet, and when the pup approaches and gets spat at, he flies at Bertie, and the 2 go into the lake, Kipper grabbing Bertie and at first thinking him Upjohn, whilst Willie’d saved Poppet. Bertie relates how shit had gotten complicated.

Bertie, Kipper, and Bobbie arrive back looking wet to he gills, Dahlia making note and attesting to Willie having looked similar, Bertie changes costume quickly and is met by Kipper and Bobbie after, they not looking as broken as they should, and being told of Dahlia’s new/old plan to have Bertie berate insults at Upjohn, so Kipper can defend him, then allow the 2 speak of his suit against his job. Bertie couldn’t decline due to the Wooster code, but he did walk off silently, going to his rarely visited Unc. Tom’s room of silver. He greets Upjohn reading one of Ma Cream’s novels, Bertie overcome by Upjohn’s looks and the room reminding him of Upjohn’s office from years ago at school. Bertie notes Upjohn wanted him to leave, but he stays strong and is interrupted by Phyl after mentioning Kipper. This has Bertie leaving out the French windows and being met by Bobbie giving him shit for not getting to his part quickly enough, and now must reconnoiter. Bertie sees Dahlia again, she updating Phyl’s status of engagem. to Willie.

Bertie properly empathised with Dahlia as she describes the mo. Phyl’d been taken in being with Willie getting her puppers out of water. Dahlia laments how she now hadn’t been able to keep her promise to Phyl’s ma, and once learning Upjohn’s close quarters, bellows for him, he turns up, and Dahlia lets him have it with her righteous anger. Upjohn takes her abuse up to a point, but then clarifies which Cream bro she was attached to being the prof of romance lit, this being Wilfred and not Wilbert, the playboy, he then shooting off after hearing the phone.

Dahlia blasts off with her dislike of how both bros shared the same nickname, Bertie again mentioning she chuck Upjohn, the idiot out, after she’s noted not having invited him in the first. He comes back in looking much less smug, attempting to get words out. Apparently his lawyer’d rustled up Kipper’s identity and stated how it was either he or Kipper whom’d leave Dahlia’s party, so Dahlia again is given opp. to give him shade, Bertie being tasked with giving hima  ride and Jeeves, filling in for Glossop’s day off, would pack his bags.

Bertie gets Upjohn to the inn, and worries whether Dahlia had calmed. He learns she’d gone to her room for deep breathing of cologne, Bobbie in happiness over Jeeves having taken Upjohn’s speech, this ofc somehow keeping him from suing Kipper’s job. Apparently the idea was, he’d be unable to make his speech and he’d be willing to trade. Bobbie designates Bertie to the task just in time for the call, Bertie losing his nerve when hearing his voice. He goes through much yes and no-ing Mr. Upjohn until Bobbie takes the phone, lays on some honeying foundation to Bertie’s irritating nature. She shows his posish and he relents to her delight, Bertie discussing being in awe of the females with Jeeves.

Ma Cream comes in to tell Bertie of her suspicion of Gloss’d been confirmed, Berite sitting to hear the long tale. She gets to the bit of messaging lady Gloss about their employment of Swordfish, she not knowing the name, proving Ma Cream’s point, but Bertie throwing doubt upon wifey’s ability to remember the helps names, Ma Cream not ending there, but mentioning Swordfish currently in possession of Willie’s cow creamer. She also states of having rung for the cops and expected them soon, and would stand outside the door so no one could mess about inside. Bertie tells Dahlia and Bobbie when they come in, Dahlia bidding he head off Gloss’s return whilst Bobbie’d retrieve Jeeves.

Bertie looks for as long as his tummy’d allow, returning two apprise Bobbie, she updating he’d return’d long ago. Not only this, but also Jeeves figured it all out by having Gloss state his business, and then Ma Cream corroborates with her suspicions of Berite, Jeeves continually reminding this embarrassing status was only known to those at Brinkley, offerring him a drink. Upon reminding him, he takes the hit for his Uncle Tom’s happiness, Berite forgiving his rep again being sacrificed.

Bloody wonderful, I’m going to miss them once I’m finished. Continual reading in my future!

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Jeeves and the Feudal Spirit

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Bertie was currently bathing and dreading hosting a couple of his Aunt Dahlia’s friends. He wanted to impress, ofc, for this was his beloved Aunt, but she admitted they’d be a bore. Jeeves was currently on holiday for summer, so this only lowers Bertie’s self worth, but then his trusty man walks into his bedroom, he hearing from tub-side, as he drops off a piece of mail, Bertie assuming Jeeves would be going to his club.

Before they parted though, Bertie has Jeeves relate the letter, it being from a Percy Gorrige wanting to be givena  thousand pounds. Jeeves continues once he’s met with confusion, Percy being a step-son to Trotter, the peeps he was entertaining later. The man would put it toward his play, Bertie suspicious, and then confirming with Jeeves his best course being to deny the request. Upon dressing and a revitalizing drink, Bertie felt buoyed. Jeeves then coldly noticed Bertie’s face, he collecting a moostosh. Bertie sticks to his guns and then Mr. Cheesewright arrives.

Bertie was reduced to nerves when it came to certain fellas, Cheesewright one of these bunch, the 2 never having meshed, they being acquainted, since boyhood. Cheesewright no longer worked with the law, but through his uncle, his habit still in this vein, though, which helped put Bertie off. Although, Bertie had a couple, he was able to keep relatively cool, even offering the judgemental fellow a drink, he snooty and giving Bertie a hard time, since they usually bet on their dart tourney at the Drones, and Cheesewright had pulled Bertie’s name, so he usually’d say something about his imbibement habits. Cheesewright goes on to accuse him of also going to Catsmeat’s going off to Cali party, believing he’d have gluttoned the bad stuff more, even considering he’d be off for the same after eyeing his outfit. Upon Bertie setting him straight though, he affects acceptance of a sort, he currently awaiting Florence to show. They almost ready squabble when she arrives, since he’d made fun of Bertie’s moostosh.

Bertie clarifies his earlier description of Florence wasn’t becoming of her actual clever lovlieness, she not short on suitors or eyeballing American horndawgs. Cheesewright berates her lateness, which she doesn’t register, instead keeping her vision on Bertie, which rustles his feathers, and worse when she praises his moostosh, this giving Cheesewright the stick, so Bertie changes the subj. to Florence’s novel, she bringing up Percy’s play, stating how whilst there was small trubs with funding, he’d assured he’d raise the funds. Cheesewright goes into insulting snorts, believing Percy to be incapable, Florence defending his honor, facially and cranially.

As the 2 bicker, Cheesewright hurries the along for his unc’s inability to wait long. Bertie watches the 2 with worry, knowing he could get dragged into their eventual split if Florence looked at him the right way again, he knowing Florence was out of all his leagues, esp. intelligence. This only bode of  being “moulded”, and this wouldn’t do. So, after his smoke and thoughts of never again being forced to read Tolstoy over mystery thriller fic, he goes to meet the Trotters (Like, Only Fools and Horses!). His expectations are met with bores galore, Bertie happy to conclude his evening at the Drones, with “restorative” drinks, Cheesewright interrupting not long after.

Bertie expounds on the Cheesewright and how often he rowed, presently and in college. His physique wrestler-esque and he staring at Bertie in a way which had him cringing. Cheeswright begins with threatening him, then inquires why he’d grown the moostosh, he having to endure Florence chatting nonstop about it, and upon arriving at her doorstep, wishing he’d grow one. Cheesewright refuses and she ends their engagement; a lead-up to this, ofc being listed. Bertie was showing empathy which Cheesewright q’s, since he was suspicious the growing of fuzz was for Florence’s reaction, Bertie attempting to ease his mind and failing, his nerves at him, now, but does throw back some good plausibility.

Cheesewright decides he’ll judge this new evidence, Bertie feeling worried, changing venue to the sitting-room where Jeeves was finishing a phone call. Bertie soon thanks Jeeves for handling Gorringe, whom was on the phone. Bertie brings more concern to his 11 pgs in the Ganymede club books, pleading for Jeeves to rip them out, and then learns more about who was listed in his stories with him. After, Jeeves remembers Florence’s request for Bertie to call her back, once on the line with her, she confides having to research a grungy night club, Bertie having Jeeves make a reservation for a table away from the band, Jeeves having confirmed rightly.

Bertie kept his handful of memberships to different nightclubs about town, but’d fallen out of taste with it, the one he was taking Florence being the kind she’d requested, flashy. When meeting up with Florence at nearly midnight, she was in a damp mood, Bertie readying to warm her heart toward her beloved once more, he directing chat to her book, she ready to tell why she was having her main character go to a nightclub being caused by love woes.

They then move to her staying at Brinkley and meeting the famous author, Morehead, and they eating kippers and drinking whilst doing so. Bertie eventually brings up Cheesewright and how he was in similarity with her main character’s feelings. It’s then when it’s shown how uncaring Florence currently felt toward Cheesewright, then the subj. takes a nasty turn about marriage and Bertie, they getting raided, and Florence bouncing when hearing the process Bertie confided. He then trips the officer in hot pursuit of her and gets himself well knicked.

Bertie spends the night in jail, pays his 10 pounds to society, then totters home, Jeeves found and debriefed on his disliked experience of jail, the judge, a comedian in his own right, which Bertie also doesn’t get pleasure from, mostly in roast-style. He then goes about ordering a ginormous breakies and despaired over Jeeves having to add this tale to his others in Ganymede, this being confirmed regretfully by the man, he also restating there wasn’t any juice on Cheesewright in there, and then leaves on the behest of Bertie for his breakies.

Florence then calls up and was caught up on what had happened and why, to Bertie, she thanking him and then letting him know the judge he’d encountered was Cheesewright’s unc, Bertie properly amazed, as well as by Florence having gotten back with him. She also decides Cheesewright must not learn of their chat or nightclub for his crazy jealousy, he even having bent on growing a moostosh, so Bertie agrees as he notices Cheesewright in the room.

Bertie thinks fast and begins referring to Florence as Catsmeat, til ringing off, restating whom he’d been speaking with, and Cheesewright not poisoning him with his stare for this ofc, he asking instead where he’d been the night before, proceeding to explain how his unc’d mentioned him at lunch and he’d been with Florence, Bertie playing this off as if it’d been possible, Gadsby, his alias, was his look-alike and could’ve been responsible for his unc’s confusion.

This leads to Cheesewright q’ing whether it actually had been Florence in the club last night, Bertie in support of this, as well as when Jeeves comes back with his elixirs for both boys. Bertie declines his in performance for calming Cheesewright, and when he’d drank the stuff, he’d become much more forgiving toward him, the 2 parting on relative good terms, Cheeswright following Florence to Brinkley when his stash came in properly.

Bertie was on his best legs the next days to come with Cheeswright gone, up until getting telegrams from his dear Aunt Dahlia, he properly paranoid by them after his cow-creamer debacle. He knows he must take it and open, so discovers it’s the Aunt, their message convo. insulting and warm, to end with, anyways, and he learning she required him quickly to cheer up a bloke with whiskers, and upon prompting for more info., receives a blast with why he was to do as he was told.

Bertie responds with he’d be thinking it over, due to complicados of his own. His main concern was Cheesewright’s presence, Bertie not able to avoid this for long, since Dahlia calls in the evening, and eventually comes out with the woeful man being Percy Gorringe, he having raised the moolah for the play, but was broken-hearted over Florence marrying Cheesewright. He was worrying about him, too, but Anatole’s cooking ultimately decides him, he apprising Jeeves and tasking him with the necklace pick-up, Dahlia had requested.

When he drives down to Brinkley and delivers Dahlia’s necklace to her, they speak of his unc’s sympathy pangs toward Percy, since he’d sacrificed Anatole’s cooking for his emo needs. Dahlia chucks a book at Bertie’s face when he begins singing because a phrase reminded him of some similar lyrics. They get back to her theory she couldn’t get Trotter to sign was because of his mother, whom was also staying with them,

Percy interrupting to inquire after Florence, and upon being intro’ed to Bertie, shows he hadn’t forgiven or forgotten being spurned his money. This doesn’t concern Dahlia though, she focused on the Trotter she wished to buy Milady’s Boudoir, so Bertie is sent out after Percy, he not looking for him much when he runs into him on the garden path. For some unknown reason, though Percy was in grand attitude, speaking of the sunset and then quoting a poem he’d written of the same subj. matter, revealing how he’d been inspired by Cheesewright. Bertie could relate, he also bringing up how he knew Dahlia had blabbed about his feelings and being upset it Florence was marrying an idiot like Cheesewright.

Bertie then hears how the telegram Percy had delivered was of Cheesewright breaking off with Florence and she biffing off, Percy doing the same for energy, and Bertie a bit unnerved only for Florence not seeing Percy in this way, he knowing Florence going backwards in love was more her style. He then speaks to the horse herself, she confirming Percy’s words and Cheesewright apparently gone so far as to bribe people at the night club for info about who was there the night they’d been out and knew Bertie had reserved a table. When he nervously inquires if Cheesewright’d mentioned him, Florence gives him the bad news of she believing Cheesewright’d promise he’d break 5 spots on his spine, now.

Florence biffs off and whilst Bertie hates to be late for an Anatole meal, he was flummoxed by Cheesewright. Then, he calms himself with knowing Cheesewright wouldn’t be at Brinkley at least, hastening to his room, Jeeves then informing him of Cheesewright’s presence and wishing to see him. Bertie was well shocked, esp. after learning Cheesewright planned to meet with him after din din, Bertie not impressed with his inelegant etiquette. So, whilst Bertie’s first meal on his stay at Brinkley wasn’t the best, the menu consisted: Le Caviar Frais (The Fresh Caviar), Le Consommé aux Pommes d’Amour (with the apples of love), Le Sylphides à la crème d’Écrevisses (with the crayfish cream), Les Fried Smelts, Le Bird of some kind with chipped potatoes, and Le ice cream.

To top it off, it tasted like nothing spectacular because of Cheesewright’s presence. He didn’t make it easy on anyone, since he sat in silence, not chit-chatting. So, by meals end, Bertie high tails it outside, thinking he heard a baying, not waiting for this Cheesewright to catch up, the night being zen if not for this. He runs into Unc. Tom, he having a breath of a walk in the night, inquiring of Bertie’s quick exit and sidetracking on Dahlia’s acting peculiar. He decides to return to his room when his unc continues his walk, readying to read most of his “sleuth” fic when Cheesewright comes a-callin’. Bertie makes clear he wasn’t opening up for the fella, since he’d threatened assault, so Cheesewright rattles and cusses for a bit before learning. Jeeves then knocks, Bertie requesting whisk. and sod., and upon his fetching, next arrives Dahlia, she needing Jeeves touch of genius before her rep lost all goodness.

Dahlia confides her worry for her hubby, Tom, she interrupting herself in order to give Bertie what for on his moostosh, she then resuming with how she hadn’t asked Tom for money for Morehead being in her mag, she instead having pawned her pearl necklace and now sporting a fake, Bertie flabbergasted. The terrible part of this news was Tom’s buddy whom’d be visiting knew jewelry, as well, so would looky loo her neck gear, Bertie seeing the issue. Jeeves returns, Bertie gives his aunt first dibs of drink, then relates the prob. and Jeeves shows his passing interest with jewelry and diamond detection, then once upon learning Dahlia’s issue, must take a mo to pace.

Aunt Dahlia can’t quite get over Jeeves’ choice of descrip., “disturbing”, which bothered her despite Bertie’s attempts to soothe. She begins to come around with reminders of how often Bertie’d been saved, Jeeves then returning with the idea stemming from Shakespeare, she getting it burgled, so the jeweler had nothing to verify, Bertie disappointed, esp. when being offered his services as thief to Dahlia by Jeeves, she all for it. Bertie not, ofc, but they’d covered all the possibilities for a relatively easy thieving scheme, so he agrees, Dahlia readying her item within her room. Bertie fetches the ladder and promptly enters the wrong window, identifying Florence’s vocals of confusion, she flood-lighting the room. (Wow! First misspelling, “farily” Ch.13, psh!)

Bertie cannot believe how Dhlia got her instructions wrong, but Florence acts pleased to see him, and when she suggests he’d been planning to kiss her, he tries to steer her away, it ofc not working, and so he gives her the desired snog, reluctantly, she then confessing Agatha’s view of Bertie needing to have been committed long ago, puzzling Florence. Bertie takes ample offense to this, esp. with entertaining her spawn, Thos., (and the 2nd error “w(h)ere they stood”, tsk editor!) and Florence continuing about how she’d been curious of his progress, since finding him with a book she thought he’d been buying. When she learns about his current reading choice, she’s quite stink-faced over it. They’re soon interrupted before Florence could share what she believed he should be reading, Cheesewright announcing himself. He insists on delivering her mail to her face, they now having to discover a hiding place for the Bertie.

They settle him within a cupboard and Cheesewright places her mail on a surface indicated, everyone “stiffly” speaking. Cheesewright broaches the subj. of his telegram first, saying how he’d immediately shaved his moostosh upon learning of Bertie at the club, he insulting her by claiming she hadn’t written her last book, and attempts to specify further, losing his train of thought, so Florence states he should make like his thought, and biff off, but he relocates the R word, and even mentions his paranoid fear, but walks himself into bad territory when Florence confirms her plans to attach to Bertie, he violently shuddering enough to shower himself with hat boxes, Cheesewright discovering and withdrawing him by his ear.

Bertie attempts good humor, but it isn’t met, Cheesewright preferring to take it outside Florence’s room. Bertie uses this to his advantage, but soon realizes the much needed ladder wasn’t at the window any longer, he then curbing Cheesewright with he being the chosen Dart member, which pauses him. He’s soon reasoned into staying his spine-cracking hands and Bertie’s allowed to retire to his room, finding Dahlia waiting and sputtering at him, Bertie feeling the tides should have him in this state. SOon after Dahlia puts forth her q’s, Bertie adds his side, Dahlia then getting his hang up. She was also updated to the status of the ladder: missing, Unc. Tom then entering before Dahlia could curse.

They team up with a natural excuse, Tom revealing he’d discovered a ladder and believed a thief group was on the premises. The mys. solved, Dahlia felt better, she able to set up the paranoia to her needs. Unc. Tom throws them a loop though, upon stating where he’d moved the valued items, they then hoping Jeeves knew combo locks, he locating them like a demon and confirming he didn’t have the skill of the backwoods, this giving Dahlia the hopelessness of what was to come, and once Jeeves learned who they were expecting, reminds Bertie Lord Sidcup was Spode of Totleigh Towers, they in the clear for knowing his secret, so he’d hold his tongue about the necklace if it was to be kept.

Bertie awakes late per usual, and after breakies notes Dahlia’s behavior had improved, she informing how Jeeves had brought her into the fold regarding Spode’s other business. Before leaving so he could finish his morning toilette, she commends him for keeping a steady front when it came to his fiancee, Florence and her thoughts as to when and where’d they marry, knowing he’d have a decent chance of getting out of it, like always, but also considering if he did have to sign the love contract, at least he’d be without assault upon his bod. Jeeves then updates Bertie of Ganymede’s lunch being moved up a week to accomodate a butler, Bertie ofc “right-ho”-ing.

Jeeves aways and Percy moans, his outlook having switched again. As he’s confessing his reason and approaches having asked Florence’s hand, Bertie gave buddy support response, and Percy isn’t amused, since he’d lost her to Bertie. What truly confuses Bertie, is when revealing he’d been bought off Cheesewright for the Darts tourney, he then reacts with aflutter. Ofc, he’d have liked to biff off immed., but Dahlia may need back up and Bertie had a strong sense of loyalty. A plan involving perhaps Jeeves seeps in, he making a quick dash to where he’d parked to see if he could catch him in time.

Bertie was currently relying on Jeeves still possessing Thos’ cosher, he catching Jeeves looking like a bohss and would’ve missed him if he’d been a few seconds longer, Bertie getting straight to the point with short preface. Jeeves offers to return with it, but Bertie worries about length of time without and Cheesewright’s desires for him too strong. Jeeves is soon agreeing with Bertie’s surmising and metaphor, adding more than enough on his own to make Bertie wonder his intent, stopping him and deciding to carpool, wanting to feel safer sooner than later.

They do as expected, retrieve the cosh, Jeeves going to his club, and Bertie eating at the Drones, then returning to Brinkley, upon getting back, first seeing Dahlia. She was frustrated with Spode being held up by her hubby showing off his silver for so long and she not getting the chance to speak with him privately, yet. She’s reminded of Jeeves and his advicing through chit-cat with nephew, but is despaired by his absence, Percy interrupting before Bertie could relinquish with the time he’d return. Percy nags Bertie about his health what with having gone to the city in such warm weather, he then relaying his mama’s desire to speak with Dahlia after she berates him for interrupting. Dahlia agrees to see the woman later and leaves to vulture her hubby, Percy sharing how much Cheesewright wished to see him, fetching him, and Bertie ready with his blackjack.

Bertie with cosher, was ice steady, he taking Cheesewright’s threats with ease. He finally produces the little weapon to Cheesewright’s frozen stance, but Bertie begins setting a scene, and Cheesewright catches him off guard with a lunge in mid-sentence, getting the weapon, but Bertie instinctually mad quick retreating, keeping the mini couch between them, after jumping to the far side initially with adrenalin (fucking hilarious!). Bertie tuckers Cheesewright out, they being discovered by Dahlia’s butler, Cheesewright getting more pissed as their exchange was only leading to the fact of his coming through for the bell having rung at the door, Bertie explaining and referring to him as a dance partner (great fun!).

The butler fetches a blond female, she bowling Cheesewright over with her looks, fosho! She announces whom she is for the butler’s benefit for Dahlia. Bertie understands the value she brought to the mag with Morehead to talk it up. She surprises the mute Cheesewright more, when she recognizes him, and after Bertie offers to show her in to his Aunt, she declines in preference to a walk, Cheesewright getting his words out and offering a look at the place, she accepting and the 2 biffing off. Bertie goes off and lounges to sleep, awaking abruptly for recalling the dropped weapon, aiming on reclaiming it for obv. safety precaution. He goes to where it’d flown, near Unc. Tom’s safe, cosher not there, and safe open.

Bertie locates pearl necklace, though and locates Dahlia in her room with Agatha Christie novel, she looking much more chipper, Bertie expecting a happier blow up upon his good deed reveal, but Dahlia cuts him off with her good news, first. She goes on about waiting, she following them to the safe once Tom’d remembered, he getting a phone call and Dahlia talking Eulalie but Spode having sold his share, Dahlia then noticing the cosh.

Bertie guesses rightly, she using it on Spode before he got a close look at the necklace. Dahlia is in mid-celebration of getting her necklace, when Bertie asks about the one he’d grabbed. After a bit of a recap of Dahlia’s events she figures the necklace was Ma Trotter’s, she having Bertie return it to the safe. Bertie goes of to do this as Mr. Trotter comes in, Bertie hoping the safe was still ajar. It was, but before Bertie could place necklace within, the man sees the door open, wacks it shut before Bertie’s bulbous eyes, and necklace stays out of its needed setting.

Bertie knew his fate, jail by inspector, he getting accused of thievery. He rushes back to Dahlia, Ma Trotter just then leaves and he sees Dahlia’s mood change again, she revealing Ma Trotter wanted Anatole in exchange for her hubby being allowed to sign. Dahlia’s too caught up with this prospect to listen to Bertie’s trubs the first time, catching it after he gives it a 2nd go, then Tom comes in. He updates them of Ma Trotter discovering her necklace missing, Bertie declining the offered drink Tom planned on getting for himself, leaving.

Bertie calls for Dahlia’s butler when she mentions not having Jeeves available, they learning he’d come back, and send for him, Bertie telling his problem first and Dahlia allowing she’d be second. Jeeves suggests Bertie secret the necklace to Ma Trotter’s room during din din, but then decides it’d be easier for him to shimmer past unnoticed, he then hearing Dahlia’s, letting her know she could get Trotter to go against his wife by relating to hubby she knew he’d declined the honor of knighthood, which his wife yearned for him to receive, this making his acquiescence guaranteed. Due to his turning in early though, she planned on dropping her know-how after breakies.

Next morning, against the grain of Bertie’s normal rising hour, he was at the stairs at 9, wanting to see Dahlia’s victory firsthand. Cheesewright and Morehead were there and readying for a row on the lake later, Bertie showing his cosher again and Cheesewright updating his stance of no longer needing to break Bertie’s stance in multiple spots, he also having gotten over Florence. This froze up Bertie, a bit, he chasing after Morehead, and Bertie left with Trotter complaining about the French cooking giving him pubic pain and being married meaning the loss of one’s power over one’s spirit, and next the room fills with the rest of the houseguests and hostess, Spode’s 7 foot frame walking in and delicately relating what he remembered, Dahlia brushing it up to “giddiness” on his part, then giving Bertie a piece with lighting his ciggy inside, it stanky. As he stands by the window, all hear Ma Trotter quake over some fool being knighted, she then deciding hubby should decline, if ever offered, Dahlia losing hope, but gaining Ma Trotter’s pearl necklace when her butler delivers it to her.

As Bertie listens to Dahlia’s suggestion as to how it’d gotten in her butler’s hands, she is moved to ring for the cops (after it’s been found, mind you…), Dahlia a bit miffed Trotter would accuse her butler of swiping it, the man relating he’d discovered it in Jeeves’ room, he having found it in the hall. Trotter requests for Jeeves, Bertie ready to reveal everything in case Jeeves got the axe. When he’d arrived, though, Ma Trotter gets her reason of why Jeeves’d kept it, saying it was fake pearl, bringing about silent shock, Trotter denying this and accusing Jeeves of being drunk, his verbal agility put to the test, and this obv. not the case.

Spode looks at it and agrees its worthlessness, Percy coming clean when his mama is accused of shorting her hubby the money for her bro. Percy confesses to needing it for the play of the lady he lurved, Florence looking upon him differently. Trotter wishes to leave quick as possible, his abdomen being mean to him and wanting a doc, Dahlia’s hope to sell diminishing. Bertie yells for Jeeves, whom offers one of his specials to Trotter, and upon hearing it’s close proximity, follows Jeeves, Dahlia close being for support and chat, ofc, Bertie now alone with Florence.

Bertie uses the same tactic offering items as with Trotter, she declining and confessing her upset about her feelings budding toward Percy, he making the getting to the point easy by offering to end their engagement, and get right with Percy, she so happy she hugs him, and Percy walks in to see. Florence, fortunately is given time to explain what she’d been doing to Bertie, the 2 accepting how chivalrous he was, but wouldn’t be able to guess to look at him, Florence then wondering how they’d live according to her lifestyle needs, Percy reluctant to reveal he had a back up income as a detective author, which Bertie enjoyed, his pseudonym, Rex West, and Bertie fanboying asking a q about his current story, Florence then showering some love for jonesing on his literariness. Before the 2 could tottle off to talk of his current proj. though, Bertie gets Percy’s autograph, then sits for more sausage and bacon, Dahlia returning and looking much better, Trotter in recovery, Bertie catching her up, and Jeeves relaying Trotter’s readiness to deal, Dahlia off like a shot. Bertie then, after contemplation decides the moostosh was too dangerous for him to keep, Jeeves obv relieved, and thanking Bertie.

Perfect and hilarious good fun, as usual! This one gave me the good imaginings to the point of LOLing for quite a while through a few sentences. Wodehouse is the man.

The Return of Jeeves

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Another humorous choice in the Jeeves collection, which was originally titled, “Ring for Jeeves”, but at no point do they actually ring for him, and this story contains no Bertie Wooster other than by honorable mention from his peers and Jeeves.

A waiter begins sharing with a lady American customer the news of a horse winning in the Oaks, sometimes following/preceding the Derby. This woman happens to be dripping riches, Rosalinda Banks, adept at free verse “vers libre”, had married and been widowed trice, this how she’d acquired her savings. As shed continued reading her mystic spiritualistic book, the waiter had returned with he refill and chatter about the winning horse still. Next, she’s shocked by the presence of one of her deceased hubbies friends, Biggar, he the type to be found in safari settings.

As they caught up, she informs of her meeting with Sir Roderick for the possible selling of his property, Rowcester Abbey, whilst it’s also learned Biggar was h.o.h. for Rosalinda. Biggar reminisces upon his first meeting with her, and references Simba the lion! When he returns to himself, he clarifies of being on the chase for a bookie and was waiting on a car repair. He was quite adamant to catching the bloody thief for his pay out, but then turns the subject back to her before he got too graphic, she expounding on her psychic ouija board interests, he being magnanimous to her comfort and dotingness. She insists she must continue her journey to Rowcester soon after and he stiffens the upper lip and focuses on his car.

“Roaster” phonetically, Abbey was being surveyed by Moke (Monica), Bill Roaster’s sis and her hubby, Rory, he deciding the place looked worse since their last visit. When she reveals the plan to attempt selling the property, he’s dubious of it’s interest level. Whilst the 2 make snarky remarks at each other, Rory also learns no one is about to answer the bell, Moke relating the bells hadn’t worked for many a year, but the door would allow them in nicely. Moke, upon reminiscing in the living room, is discovered by Jill, coming in by the window from the garden.

Jill was small, slightly freckled, and athletic, she catching up with Moke on her abrupt appearance being caused by low fundage. When Rory comes in, he doesn’t recognize Jill, since he’d last seen her at pubescence and she’d filled out since then, everyone then being caught up with Jill now engaged to Bill. Rory relates how Bill’s type seemed to have changed, since he’d usually be seen with curvy ladies. Rory moves onto his workplace’s “esprit de corps” = pride amongst group.

Once they get to the surprising news of Bill hiring help and one of them was Bertie’s Jeeves, whom had offered his services temporarily due to Bertie’s being off somewhere. Bill had a boring sounding, supposedly lucrative posish and couldn’t possibly be gambling again, he having Jeeves accompany him for being a numbers man. When Jill departs to help a pup in need, Rory brings up his suspicion on Bill’s job, then picks up a call from the fuzz about wanting to speak with Bill. Rory supports Moke’s desire to think there was innocent reasons for this and request she encourage him verbally and physically (perhaps cheerleader-style) as he got their luggage.

Bill finally makes it back, he not the sharpest knife int he set, a reference to Poirot’s “leetle grey cells” being stolen, most charmingly. The man was good-looking, but his moostosh minused this some. It’s shown later to have been a grooming stick-on of some sort. Bill proceeds to call for Jeeves, the dynamics perfect from the Jeeves perspective, I suspect. Upon learning they could be visited by the man they fled, Bill had to practice being at ease and oblivious.

The man happened to be Biggar, they owing him quite a few thou pounds and it paining him, esp. since their disguises would be more difficult to use at the Derby. Bill starts complaining about Jeeves’ plan on he becoming a bookie being complicated, this because he was engaged to Jill and couldn’t find a suitable posish from the Classifieds, but his choice also being a slight to his soon-to-be wifey. As Bill staves off Jeeves’ quotes, and orders a drink, he’s in mid-anxious relieving wheeze when Jill walks in

Jill thought he’d be relaxing after work, not hyperventilating. When Bill hears her voice, it snaps him into reality, he denying any issues. She even calls him out on bettering, but he’s able to deny less guiltily since she’s specific, but he still looks spooked, he making like he’s right as rain. She doesn’t believe him, he loses his temper and she suspects foul female play from him. Jeeves comes in with drink and announces Moke and Rory’s arrival, as well as Mrs. Spottsworth and her plans. This perks Bill up, Jill thinking of how they could buy a farm. When Jeeves saves his butt after mentioning the specific amount he owed and Jill had left for more housecalls, he explains Bertie’s school didn’t allow students to be butlerfied, he taking home-ec. in case he should fall on hard times.

So, Mrs. Spottsworth was speculating the importance of Biggar’s happening to see her, was ‘discussed’ with her deceased hubby, Alexis and the other dead hubs were wishing she’d remarry. N, lo! out the ether comes Biggar, with his massive crush. She’d learned this through seeing his reaction to her, etc. (FYI, metaphors have been on point from the first, and they’re still delightful!) So, the more she considered Biggar’s skills, and how golden of a protector he’d be, Spottsworth was warming to him and was contemplating her woo pitch face so he’d make a move, when she’s distracted with the view of Roaster Abbey, it apparently stunning only from the distance she was currently viewing. Meanwhile, Bill was getting advice and reminders for his goals and objectives from Moke. Then, they reveal how the cops were looking for him to question and another fella after his license plate #, Bill looking hella shaken. As Moke and Rory attempt to lure the info out of him, Jeeves announces Spottsworth’s arrival.

As Moke greets Rosie formally with hubby, Rory, shes interrupted with the unfortunate nickname she’d given Bill, but is pleased to learn their past acquaintanceship would give Bill an edge to making the sale. Bill is careful with what was said about their time in Cannes when Rosie becomes chatt. This is offset with Rory talking shit about the place and reminding of how he’d said more unfriendly to buyers statements earlier, catching her up and Moke looking like she’d throttle him. Rosie , though tops him fairly well with the idea of believing she was a resident in the past at the place, a “Rotationist”.

The trio mostly entertain this description of hers and she attempts to lead them to a specific spot instinctually. Jeeves is interrupted by Rory asking if he agreed Rosie had lost it with all her psychic nonsense, Jeeves then also impressing Rory with his horsey know-how. When Rosie returns with the others she’s told Biggar had turnt up. When she leaves, Rory brings up how Jill would understand the ‘relationship’ Bill had back when with Rosie, but Bill rankles at his term and agrees there’d never been anything between them. The news of Biggar’s arrival green’s Bill’s tinge a bit, making Moke confused and jogging Rory’s memory on a double entendre rhyme.

Some background on A.B. Spottsworth shows his appreciation for the conclusion of female co. at the end of din din, Bill esp. not sharing this view toward Biggar, regardless of he not mentioning his chasing him, and kismet-style, as soon as he hopes the subj. doesn’t come up, the question of whether Biggar appreciated racing is asked by Rory. This allows Biggar to relate his frustrating experience. Rory is properly disgusted when hearing Biggar had been snubbed his winnings, Bill feigning shock and empathy, barely, and Rory awaying after a lil to catch the pre-race chatter on telly, Biggar requiring Bill stay and chat, he having Jeeves make busy to stay nearby and not be left alone with the large fellow.

Finally, Biggar gets his chance to confront Bill on whether he knew Honest Patch Perkins, whom had taken or been lent his car, Bill playing dumb with Jeeves quite readily, which leads to Jeeves stating Biggar must’ve been memorizing the wrong number, Biggar insulted due to how long he’d had to get it. Biggar then describes what’d happen if he found the swindler after Bill suggests the bookie may only require time to pay off his winnings, the result not good for the culprit. When Bill makes a good getaway reason, Biggar asks to make a call, and after Jeeves shows him to the phone, Bill gives him props for the slightly slow delivered possibility of the lic. # being a coincidence which Honest Patch had happened upon.

Bill sees only Jill remaining in the room, Moke and Rory checking the Derby, and when Rosie is mentioned, Jill has her mo. to inquire why, and suggest how he could’ve broached the subj. of how he’d known her. Bill disagrees due to he not having known she’d changed her last name since he’d last seen her. When Jeeves walks in, their convo. ends there, Jill leaving to pack and stay with them for a night per Moke’s invite. Bill then thinks on whether there was a “tinkle” in Jill’s voice, he being in trubs if there had been, understandably paranoid. When he goes off on how “dotty” females were, esp. with the ESP– ;), Jeeves attempts to give anecdote about his Aunt no longer with them and Bill says how “…that’s something” (daaaang!), Jeeves biffing off after clearing the coffee cups.

Bill has no guilt since he’s sensing he was fucked with Jill. Moke reenters and inquires what’s up Bill’s butt, he getting snippy, apologizing, and Moke ordering him to start turtle-doving, as promised, since it was primetime to do so. Bill’s at first perplexed, then calms, knowing sis was right, he thinking of the money, he could pay up for Biggar. After he’s gone, Rory appears and asks his hubby about Bill’s stability and it having to do with Biggar, Moke unconvinced by Rory’s theory, she telling him to say more positive things thenceforth about her home, Rory promising to try, going back in for more Derby interviews.

Rosie was sitting outside for a smoke after her attempts to commune with the dead came up empty nearly a half hour in waiting. She was also regaining some starry eye from the pretty evening, thinking of Biggar and plans of marriage. The devil having been thought of, Biggar appears, clumsily and ready to serve her, esp. when she’d dropped a pendant worth nuttin (10k) and asked him to replace it drapingly upon her neck. To keep himself from throwing himself on her, reminds himself through the memory of 2 buddies of being “a white man”, this keeping him in check (raised eyebrow much higher than Trump’s “shitty wall”, much?).

As Rosie attempts to grind his lurv gears into life, Bill pops by and greets them nervously atwitter (quite entertaining(, this allowing Biggar to flee before losing himself and proposing to her. He’s close enough to overhear Bill’s well-crafted cooing and whilst he wanted nothing more than to end him, he followed his bro code, resisting. He instead returns to the house and unloads to Jill of Bill “making love” under the moon, the nutter. As the room fills with the main players, Moke opens a chest containing Bill’s bookie costume, Biggar recognizing it and when Rory and she go back to the Derby interviews, he interviews Bill further.

Bill isn’t calmed by the angry seeming state of Biggar, Jeeves staying quiet whilst wishing to whisper sweet Marcus Aurelius quotes at Bill. Biggar states his judgement of Bill being Honest Patch, Jeeves comin in to answer with quick stealth, but partial truths, Biggar ready to send both to prison and Jeeves acknowledging whilst Bill wanted to pay him in full, he currently lacked the fundage. So, Biggar resorts to sharing his predicament in desperation and threats to them if spread,

Bill offering to be able to start monthly payments in 2 months (“That(‘s) won’t do me any good”, doesn’t make sense, do it?), but this not being acceptable. Biggar threatens the reality he expected for them before taking a restful breath in the garden, Jeeves coming up with a sneaky plan of acquiring Biggar’s ticket and paying him back without threat when he could. Bill likes and okays the executing thereof, Biggar ruining it by reentering frontally rather than French window-y.

It’d barely been 5 mins. since Biggar’d been gone, but after a frustrated kick of a frog, he realizes Rosie lurved him back@ What was worrying him was his weak financial state and hers being kingly. He thought having his large would-be winnings in his picket would aid his ego enough to overlook her wealth enough to grow the balls to marry her. When Biggar remembers Rosie’s pendant, he enters to see Bill and Jeeves near the window, Bill startled with his entrance and Biggar jumping to his point, but swiftly interrupted by Bill’s nerves and confusion, Jeeves quoting Tennyson.

Biggar gets his mo. to share his plan for the pendant pick-up, and puts Bill to the task of lifting it, he ofc refusing like our Bertie would, not wanting to steal from another of his guests, Biggar reasoning how the pendant actually was his and was telling a roundabout story of why this was so, explaining of meeting with Tubby and the Subahdar, then Hobo Sycamore walking in and reuniting with Biggar, he having first been in possession of the pendant, wanting to sell, so his 2 buddies and he pitch in the cash for it, Bill winning it by dice and this being the ownership background, gifting it to Rosie upon acquisition. Bill’s fears are eased with this borrowing idea and Biggar leaves to perform his nightly yoga.

Bill has Jeeves come up with a plan using the “spider sequence”, the pendant being “found” next evening. Jeeves then offers a practice run for confidence, Jeeves doing an un-Jeeves-ly reaction, scaring Bill and all because he’d felt it worked with his performance as Rosie, but after, they do the scene properly for the lead-in to swat the “spider”. (Great scene, unlike Jeeves to say, “Ha, ha, m’lord…”, as well) After this, Jeeves insists Bill attempt this plan sooner than later, he off, and his fiancee’, Jill entering looking glum. She joins Rory and Moke, Biggar entering after, she upset more by the news of Bill having gone out and Rosie was in the garden with him. Biggar moves to where Jeeves was, Bill enters and looks worse for wear, the sequence working, but the locale of the pendant closer to Rosie than the grass.

Biggar comes up with a solution first, it involving Bill dance the Charleston, to his confusion. After another revealing story, though and Jeeves explains for Bill’s benefit, he’s ready to swing the girl free of her pendant once more, she coming through the French windows with her pup, Pomona. Jill puts doggy in her room, by request, and Bill invites Rosie to dance, she seeing it as good incentive to light a fire under Biggar’s ass, accepting. Biggar can’t stay and watch the spectacle, kicking more frogs in the garden. Jill is jealous and wants the justice system to punish Bill with the idea of this somehow being an illegal offense, Rory and Moke joining the dancers. Bil throws Rosie a good’n and she upsets her leg, she being sent off to rest after Rory points out her fallen pendant. Bill gives up by this time and goes to bed, sleep expected not to come with ease.

Everyone was nicely warm in bed, Jill and Bill struggling for lullness. Jeeves interrupts Bill’s sheep count to update of having come up with a plan to get him the pendant. Temporarily distracted by Bill’s pj color, Jeeves remarking the distasteful nature of it on Bill, but getting shushed like Bertie would and also gifting the destruction if his plan succeeded. Jeeves begins using “the psychology of the individual”, which Bill was familiar, since he’d heard stories from Bertie at the Drones. Once Bill saw where Jeeves was heading, he took issue with the psychic-side of his plan; until he heard the whole of it, since he wasn’t expected to take the role of the ghost, but to seen unconscious for having seen one, Rosie ofc wanting to see one, too, which’d get her out of her room. The plan works, but for Bill’s escape punctuated by shrieking dog, Jill seeing him and upon Jeeves returning, getting Bill’s engagement ring back.

Jill’s father was currently getting annoyed by his young butler of 16 yrs and his 15 y/o cook, wishing for the old school quality. Which was mostly the reason he approved of Jill’s marriage to Bill, he having Jeeves, but then she comes in to reveal she’d canceled their nuptials. Once he’d heard the part about exiting Rosie’s room so late and in mauve, no less, he discovers he didn’t have a horsewhip available, so he’d have to ask to borrow Bill’s so he could hwhip him; haha! Meanwhile, the guests of Roaster were enjoying their gourmet meals, whilst Colonel Wyvern suffered with his teen bumpkin cook. Bill was in too much of a state to marvel at the flavors given, and when Rosie was about to bring up the source of his nerves again, Rory in his way, gegan speaking a bit ill of Biggar, Jeeves interrupting before a spat developed further. This new possibility of Biggar being a liar, freaked Bill out, Rory and Moke finalizing their research over what horse they’d bet on, then off to locate Jeeves for his informed opinion of their choices. Bill asking Rosie about where she’d gotten her pendant, her answer doing the opposite of quelling fear, Bill excusing himself to go to the pantry for restorative, and hopefully Jeeves.

Jeeves is found by Moke and Rory first, they getting their advice and learning of Bill’s ex-engagement, giving opportunity for Rory to exude empathy and the support of BIll now having the better “single” life. Moke leaves, ROry sensing issue with his words and decides to pick the ole bouquet to r this w. After his exit, Bill shares his concern and Jeeves reasons it was more likely Biggar’d seem like the suspect due to his absence, and Bill’d be able to pay her the value of it upon the house sale, he much more comforted and needing a drink. Jill then enters via everyone’s fave, French window.

Whilst being peeves with Bill, she didn’t want him hwhipped, her plan involving having Jeeves warn Bill, so he could defend himself by fleeing or hiding. This prompts Jeeves to reveal where Rosie’d been at  the hour Jill’d mentioned, this bringing her hopes round, she giving Jeeves chance to explain the situation, including the truth of BIll’s shady ex-profession, as well as the deets behind what it all looked like, after which Bill is called in, and Jill forgives him with a snuggle hug. As Moke, Rory, and Rosie come in, the latter was ready to sign a deposit after being assured the place was dry, Rory coming in and blathering about its dampness, Rosie then receiving news her pendant was stolen. Bill immediately inquires of Jeeves on whether he sported a plan, the only supply being if the right horse won, Biggar’d come back with the pendant.

Rosie was resistant to believe Biggar’d gotten off with her pendant, Moke calling the po, and as Bill remembers and shares with Jeeves before he went to claim the jewel-case, he forgetting to wear gloves and hadn’t wiped his prints, Colonel Wyvern coming through the French windows. He was halted by seeing his daughter all over Bill, but Moke’s confusion about thinking Colonel Wyvern had come because she’d phoned the cops, he taking a report, the Chief COnstable arriving, as Rory scrambles for a radio, since the tv stopped working, and for awhile the convo with Jeeves and the Constable with Colonel Wyvern taking notes, the radio announcers is spouting names and the race so close they had to wait for the pic, everyone disappointed it wasn’t Ballymore. (Editor missed a name misspelling “Subahdah(r)”) When Biggar confessed his always love and going off into the sunset, alone, Rosie reasons how she knew one of his buddies, Tubby, this fella having married a lady richer than she was, and Jeeves had detected a way to get Rosie to buy, he also giving his resignation notice, Bertie having been expelled. Rory gets last joke about Biggar’s name with Mrs. Biggar being bigger. Fun, quick, and funny as usually, even if it did lack Bertie, the old chap!

Lazarus Churchyard: The Final Cut

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Immediately reminiscent of Transmetropolitan, Lazarus Churchyard watches a lady looking like a fella get fucked at the bar whilst someone else bleeds from their mouth, perhaps from drugs. Lazarus meets up with a skull-headed fella offering to kill him and get him wasted whilst they discussed the details. This dude offers a high quality death, Laz being for centuries old and wanting to go feet up by now. the deal was he must locate a missing scientist whom had the most knowledge about datasea, a VR which apparently was exploding some people’s heads. On top of this, the scientist was already dead, Laz taking the job from PJ Proby, whom was with Isis-Elek.

As PJ takes him through the Headquarters, he states how there was a VR “heaven” for those they couldn’t move forward with their projects without. PJ then shows Laz’s incentive, the machine scary-looking. Laz is attempting, a quiet lie-down when he must kick some hindering asses who’d walked themselves in (Holy fuck, the violence!). He’s escorted by PJ to another fella, whom updates what’d occurred to those programmers who’d gone searching for Bruckner. Then, Laz deduces they planned to stick in in the datasea, he pretty much only needing to go in and wonder to himself why he wasn’t seeing the heaven-like program, Bruckner interrupting his thoughts and taking him to a different part of the sys, assumably, “to talk”, which she does.

Once they see what PJ had done, she helps him back into his body and Laz spares PJ, for a short time until deciding to let Bruckner mess with him, instead. By the end of it, Bruckner accidentally screws him over, destroying the kill machine before Laz can do the deed. Laz has been stuck underground for more than 2 months, and when he breaks surface, a hoor greets him looking to party! She immediately leads him along, she catching Laz up on what he’d missed, the police disbanded and everyone living it up, since Isis-Elek blew. Laz knocks her out when he denies her further advances. She wakes up in time to explain her lil “pet”, it killing her, then apologizing and offering to explain, Laz curiously allowing this, and by the end of the monster’s diatribe, dreams of whether crazy ho’s deed for the club was lying around.

He discovers it, since he’s now owned the club over a year. He’s convinced by the monster book to tell his origin story, involving a 12-year-old looking plastic girl called Lucy. One of the scientists gets creepy screwy with her and by the end, she’s burned in a bed, but survives, even after being dumped in the sewer, she developing a way to cry for help, her message becoming the name of the club. Once she was found round about 40 years later, they put her down properly, making Laz much more durable than his predecessor.

Laz enters his club to be met by Angel Hellequin, whom Laz was excited to get drugs from as she attempts to catch up with him, he sprouting big breasteses. As he’s investigating his other bits in the bathroom, the toilet is inquiring about his pooping needs, on the wall, graffiti, “women need men like fish need bicycles.” He goes upstairs to consider how to reverse his lady bits when a vengeful lady, Justine comes in, Laz getting scary tits, not amused by her, at all. She ignores this to mention how Isis-Elek was still active and she’d joined, planning on keeping him captive within their experimental fancy, but he’s saved by Angel, more IE crew waiting downstairs.

They mess with the barman, though and it starts a fiery bar-fight. Laz is almost tricked into believing he’d killed his last ex, which leads to a memory when he’d been getting a beating by a trio of brothers. He turns the table on ’em once they want to set him up for bonfire status, taking out all 3 due to they not being bright boys. 4 centuries later, an old woman watches the news and is eager to implement revenge.

Laz is then shown viewing a lady’s man-like body lying on the bar, he recognizing the name on the knife after the body was removed, an Inspector Sleep arriving and impressed Laz’d be so calm as death approached him. Laz finally becomes impressed when Sleep starts throwing punches at him, they making ouchies and realizing this fool was reinforced not as strongly, but still impressively, as himself. He beats him til Sleep flees, Laz’s boobies gone by now, he knowing Sleep’d be back if his final shot hadn’t killed him, which he realizes is the case when the fool comes back in a fly ship with guns strafing.

This doesn’t save him though, Laz shooting him in 2, but fella survives, so Laz has his barman store him in the cellar. He then has the ship take him to it’s home base in Spain. When he meets the Lizaran organization mostly nakie weapon-toting crew, he tries out his memory-gathering skill, realizing the old woman had been pretty much leaching off of the fam’s parts as well as empaths. Laz doesn’t make her feel placated when noting how stingy she’d been when giving her 3 sons a single grave. He continues with how she’d done terrible things to the empaths for her own longevity, he reaching her, and she ready with a bomb about to go off, it decimating the area to rubble and sand, Laz wandering his way back quite nakie, himself.

30 years have passed and Laz is in Iceland talking of his mother to a stripper. Laz’s hometown is in Germany and his pop was a perv from London, he reminiscing how his parents had met and they being the perfect fit for each other, but his pops being found by a London cop ready to kill his girl and him. He makes it back to her in time to plant lil Laz in her, then croaking, Laz telling this sad, disgusting love story to a dead girl.

Fucking grand! Ellis is the bomb!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Year Seven)

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Snape joins Voldemort with the other Death Eaters at Malfoy’s home to discuss Harry’s next move, false news having been created to mask Harry’s actual plan. Lucius has gotten out of prison by this point and had to relinquish his wand to Voldemort to use on Harry (an even more unnecessary “that” being added to a sentence, Rowling? Jeez..). A professor of Muggle studies is killed after Voldemort seethes and makes fun of the Malfoys’ relative, Tonks marrying Lupin.

Harry was currently at Privet drive unloading his school trunk and packing a backpack with all important items. He also has 2 articles, one Dumbledore’s obituary and the other an interview with Rita Skeeter about her biography on Dumbledore’s life and how dirt-filled it truly was. Vernon was flip-flopping with whether he truly believed he and his family were in danger, but Dudley was scared enough to want the magical protection offered them, so they’d be escorted to a safe spot. Dudley surprises all relatives with his concerns for where Harry was going, but everyone’s farewell being fairly underwhelming, but Dudley shaking his hand in the end being the most contact made through it all.

Moody was whom Harry thought would be escorting him, but it turns out to be Hagrid along with his buddies and others, including Mood himself. This doesn’t help much though, since they were met with 30-odd Death Eaters flinging deadly curses at all of them, Harry being repeatedly reassured by Hagrid of having everything handled, thusly Harry’s sidecar detaches from the motor-bike and during all this, Hedwig has been shot and was limp. Harry blows up his sidecar, supposedly with Hedwig still inside, he now seated with Hagrid as a Death Eater recognizes Harry to be not a poser, the 3 disappearing. Voldemort soon joins them, but not before Harry crashes the bike into a pond. The 2 make it to their Portkey to the Burrow and the only others to show up so far is Lupin and George, whom lost an ear. In the end, everyone returns except for a dead Moody and a biffed off Mundungus.

Harry wanted to leave them for fear of endangering them further, he getting a vision of Ollivander at the bad end of Voldemort’s rage, Hermione desperate he attempt to shut his mind from this. Mrs. Weasley attempts to learn what Dumbledore had ordered Harry to do, which also includes Ron and Hermione dropping out of school to help, but the most she gets is agreement to help tidy and do chores she had for them for the wedding. They weren’t able to recover Moody’s body, so the funeral was on hiatus. The trio found time to talk, Ron suspecting Moody may have survived. They then discuss Hermione’s acquiring Hogwarts library books on horcruxes, when Mrs. Weasley interrupts, mega-pissed the three were sitting around rather than helping her with chores. When Fleur’s family arrives, the trio get only one chance to speak, Mrs. Weasley still thwarting their plan-making and she putting together, what Harry hopes would be a quiet birthday the day before Fleur and Bill’s wedding.

Harry gets a good amount of birthday prezzies, he particularly taken with Ginny’s snog gift. Scrimgeour crashes to speak with the trio about Dumbledore’s will and the unique items he’d left them. Harry receives his first won snitch and was supposed to get Gryffindor’s sword, Hermione got a book, and Ron was gifted a contraption which put out lights. Harry figures out a clue on how to use the snitches memory ability, but it isn’t easy to decipher from there, Hermione confesses she not having heard of the book she’d be given, to Ron’s surprise, since he knew them as children’s tales.

Harry was disguised as a cousin to the Weasley’s after they’d acquired some hair from a local redheaded boy. Luna and her father had been invited, he acting and looking as eccentric as his daughter normally would. Then, after Harry discovers Dumbledore’s family had Godric’s Hollow in common with him, they discover Scrimgeour had been killed and the Ministry “fallen”, them’s coming. (Decent dramatics by this point)

The trio escape by disapparating as Death Eaters break up the party, Hermione providing the boys with less conspicuous attire. They are followed and eventually attacked again by a couple Death Eaters. After the trio defend themselves and flee to Harry’s inherited property, he gets a vision of Voldemort punishing one of the Death Eaters who had attacked them, by ordering Draco to torture him.

They learn R.A.B. was Sirius’ brother after Harry discovers a part of a letter from his mother. They also realize they’d handled a locket during past clean up of Sirius’ home, they off to Kreacher’s quarters. They discover nothing and when Harry summons Kreacher to grill him, they learn Mundungus had filched it all. Kreacher relates what he remembered of the locket, then Harry nicely orders him to retrieve the real locket and Mundungus to meet them back there, taking a tip from Hermione and even gifting the fake locket to Kreacher as incentive and appreciation.

The 3 are up to day 3 of waiting for Kreacher’s return when they see 2 robed men standing outside for quite some time, but not going any further, everyone inside attempting to quell nerves and boredom. Harry is first to see a figure enter the house, it t’were Lupin, they catching up. By the end, Harry had insulted Lupin in order for him to hopefully go back to Tonks, they learning she was up the duff and he was plagued by his status and how it’d effect his newly made family. Harry then reads an excerpt from Skeeter’s book after Lupin runs off, pissed. Kreacher returns with Mundungus, whom reveals he’d practically gifted the locket to Umbridge.

Harry brings back a Daily Prophet with news of Snape securing the title of headmaster, Ron and Hermione shocked. Harry then renews his idea of implementing the plan they’d worked out for 4 weeks. They each obtain a Ministry employees hair and polyjuice themselves for entrance purposes. Hermione and Harry meet Umbridge in the elevator after Ron was tasked with stopping a flood in a particular office. Harry is then separated from Hermione when Umbridge uses her for a court proceeding and he’s left with the new Ministry of Magic, Thicknesse, not being conspicuous and parting ways with him before covering himself with invisibility cloak again and creating a distraction which allowed him access inside Umbridge’s office, he not having learned from his Hogwarts snooping to leave his cloak ON when he’s searching, again scrambling to cover his ass up as Thicknesse enters.

Harry makes his way out with no discovery before learning what they had on Arthur. He makes his way to the courtrooms where a shit ton of dementors were chilling in the hall with the accused muggles, he making it inside the courtroom Hermione sat in with Umbridge, they seeing the locket around Umbridge’s fat neck. Harry throws caution to the dogs and stupefies the old hound so as to snatch the locket, Hermione making a replica so she wouldn’t immediately notice, and saves the half blood witch on trial for being muggle-related. The trio along with the muggle bunch escape, but Harry notices an odd sensation after they apparate since by the end it was becoming obvious what they were doing.

Hermione conducts first aid on Ron’s arm, they now stuck in the forest where the World Cup had been, Yaxley having seen the trio’s hidey hole she setting protective charms about them whilst Ron recovered. They then fool around with the locket to attempt opening it, none succeeding and so Harry resigns himself to keep watch with Hermione off and on. Harry gets another vision, he still having given up Occlumency despite Hermione harping on how he should still at least attempt to bar him mind and instead chooses to get pounded by the scenes, he rather preferring sharing the visions with his buds (he’s tho thmart!), overcome with whomever stole an item from Gregorovitch which Voldemort was now after, Harry recognizing the face in his memory, but unable to currently place it. (This seems to be a going theme and mystery style of Rowling’s, which I’ve grown tired and yet accustomed, *sigh*)

During their passed off time wearing the horcrux and negative moods because of it, they hear Dean Thomas with Tonks’ pops and some goblins (Rowling, you suggesting a Goblin language be named, Gobbledegook??…) eating nearby their camp, learning Ginny had attempted to lift Gryffindor’s sword, the goblins confiding the one protected in Gringotts being a fake. Ginny did get one helluva punishment, though, according to the goblin, they also discussing whether Snape or Harry was the baddie, as well as The Quibbler now being the one spot for real news. They move off and Hermione grabs the frame of Phineas Black to inquire about the sword, which reveals why they needed it to destroy horcruxes. They end the night with a blow out of a fight between Ron and Harry, the former off to his family and Hermione brokenhearted by Ron making her stay seem like betrayal of him.

The two hoped silently Ron’d return, but this doesn’t occur, Harry reminded how Ron had assumed Harry had a ginormous master plan (the fuck?), and he seeing if Ron’d go to Hogwarts again, his name not appearing on the Marauder’s Map. After some more move-abouts, Harry suggests once more they go to Godric’s Hollow, Hermione agreeing this time. They prepare with Polyjuice disguises and see the graveyard first. They visit Dumbledore’s family graves, Hermione locating another symbol on an unrelated grave, and they take a moment to visit Harry’s parents, leaving with Harry at least getting to see where they were.

After suspecting they were being watched, the quickly leave and somehow spot Harry’s first home. Bagshot finds them and leads them back to her place, he nicking a pic of the man whom had stolen from Gregorovitch and then Bagshot becoming Nagini before Voldemort was to arrive. The two barely escape, but Harry’s wand is broken and loses the pic in their haste, Harry stuck in Voldemort’s thoughts most of the night.

Harry was starting to annoy himself at Dumbledore, rather than try solving the snitch and discover his next move. Hermione helps a bit by showing a copy of Rita’s book to Harry, he finally learning the man in the picture was Grindelwald. He and Dumbledore became buddies after he’d been expelled from Durmstrang. Harry has a flip out and Hermione recognizes he being mad Dumbledore hadn’t shared more with him. After they move, Harry sees a doe patronus which leads him to the Gryffindor sword, Ron saving him from drowning and Harry suggesting he destroy the horcrux. It gives Ron a good psychological beating, but he succeeds. Hermione gives Ron a more unceremonious welcome, but they settle after Ron explains how he’d used his deluminator. Since he’d also been able to swipe an idiot’s wand from a watch group for muggles, Harry was able to practice doing small spells, the results unappealing. Later on, Hermione decides she wanted to visit Luna’s father because of Grindelwald’s sign, Harry uncertain, but acquiescing, and upon being received, are greeted hesitantly. When Harry does finally get to his point, Luna’s papa reveals it’s a sign of the deathly hallows. Harry soon blunders to the knowledge Luna wasn’t there and her pop had informed the Ministry, Hermione devising and implementing the trio’s escape plan.

When they’d disapparated, Ron supposed the Death Eaters had Luna in Azkaban, but she’d be fine for now. Harry then considers if his defense would include the acquirement of the magical items of the Deathly Hallows. Ron and Hermione think he should focus on the horcruxes, but instead he dedicates his time in attempting to open the snitch, thinking the stone or ring could be inside. The one thing to get his thoughts away from this is Ron’s found pirate radio stating, they learning Ted Tonks was among the murdered by Death Eater recently. (Rowling’s way of allowing each character intro whom is speaking on the radio is goofy.) Hagrid was now an outlaw, as well, because of a Potter Party, the doofus, and the last dumb move Harry making being to say Voldemort’s name, they found out hella quick.

The trio are captured with Dean Thomas, Hermione having puffed Harry’s face up, Greyback and crew unable to identify them, yet, until discovering Gryffindor’s sword, they deducing Harry and Hermione’s identities. When Bellatrix sees the sword, she tortures Hermione on where they’d gotten it, thinking they’d stolen it from Gringotts. Meanwhile, Dobby apparates and saves Ollivander, Luna, and Dean, this getting attention, Ron and Hermione having to overpower Wormtail, but this ultimately killing him. Voldemort is finally summoned once the goblin confirms the sword counterfeit, Ron attempting and failing to save Hermione, but not being quick enough to dodge a knife and get kilt.

They have a quick burial and funeral for him in the garden of Bill and Fleur’s, Harry then speaking to the Gringotts goblin and Ollivander before Harry sees Voldemort claim the Elder wand Dumbledore had been buried with. Harry was torn by his decision to hang back rather than fight, in the meantime the goblin agreeing to help them in return for Gryffindor’s sword, Harry not specifying when, but would do the exchange. Lupin visits to announce Tonks and his son, Ted being born, and Bill warning Harry about dealings with a goblin being a sensitive thing if treasure is involved.

Hermione had been chosen to Polyjuice as Bellatrix what with having a hair of hers on her robe and also having the wand, but she having trouble controlling it. They still go through with their plan, Harry under invisible cloak with goblin and Ron disguised with face-feature changes, they running into Travers in Diagon Alley. It only gets worse from here, since he’s also going to Gringotts and it seemed the goblins were aware of Bellatrix’s stolen wand. They make it to the vault without being caught, though, instead now had to worry about making the contact with the treasure. This soon doesn’t matter, since it ends with all of them in contact with it, but Harry obtains the cup, but loses the sword, they escaping on the nearly blind dragon (yay!) and landing themselves in a lake some distance from the bank. Harry soon sees the results of Voldemort learning of Gringotts and his questioning whether his other horcruxes were safe; The trio soon aiming for Hogsmeade.

Upon arrival, they’re immediately known to be there due to a nifty alarm charm, Death Eaters looking around and almost catching them early upon arrival. After dementors are added to the search party, the Hogshead’s owner saves them by letter them inside the bar. Harry figures out he’s Aberforth, he feeding them and attempting to convince Harry to get far away as possible. Instead, he’s convinced somehow into detailing most of what’d happened to Ariana. She’d killed their mother accidentally after being abused by some boys in some way to make her ever use magic, it going wild within her and when she was 14, had an unfortunate episode resulting her mother’s death.

Aberforth was made to continue school by Dumbledore, he taking care of their sister until Grindelwald distracts him. Aberforth confronts Dumbledore about containing his ego in order to take of their sister rather than go off and gather a following in their new wizarding regime. The 3 end up fighting, Ariana attempts to help and 1 of the 3 kill her. Harry puts in his 2 cents when he mentions the horcrux charm he’d drank, the torture making him say when he felt worst about and his greatest fear, Neville then being brought when Aberforth acquiesces to helping them enter Hogwarts.

They go through a hidden tunnel behind Aberforth’s painting of his sister. Neville catches them up a bit on Snape’s disciplinary Carrows Death Eater professors, he also finally gets positive feedback form his Gran once she escapes and goes to ground so as to stay hidden, since escaping the Death Eaters’ attempts at using her as leverage on Neville. When they reach Hogwarts about 20 more peeps greet them uproariously. They’d made the Room of Requirement their safe haven, the Carrows unable to reach them. They were catching up when Harry learns Voldemort had discovered another horcrux destroyed, the group of kids desperate to be a part of helping overcome Voldemort, but Harry attempting to keep Dumbledore’s secret, Ron and Hermione then considering they could use their friends’ help without revealing the true nature of why, so Harry begins asking them questions about Ravenclaw items.

In the end, Luna leads Harry to the Ravenclaw statue where one of the Carrows catches him, touching her V (haha) tat. She’s knocked out by Luna’s curse, Harry then cursing her bro when he insults McGonagall. She then helps the two game plan the way to get students out of the castle and overthrow Snape before Voldemort comes, and Harry could search the grounds. Snape gets in McGonagall’s way, but flees by chucking himself out a window when she receives help from other professors. They soon are enlisting the help of other professors to protect the school temporarily from Voldemort, whilst getting everyone to meet in the Great Hall to give those the option to stay and help who were of age. Upon Harry getting back to the Req. Room, most of the Weasleys arrive, they surprised when Percy shows up as they’re trying to get Ginny to leave, but instead agreed to let her stay in the Req. Room, Voldemort now at Hogwarts as Harry’s looking for Hermione and Ron in the loo.

As McGonagall describes what would happen, Voldemort’s voice echoes through the hall to maintain resisting wouldn’t do any good and he didn’t desire offing anyone, he only wanted Harry. Since Voldemort wasn’t actually there, after dumb Pansy attempts to get Harry chucked out, McGonagall has them all leave with their Houses, she having to remind Harry of looking for the horcrux, since he’d been plagued with where Hermione and Ron could be. He comes to a lightbulb moment though, on whom to ask what had happened to the diadem, getting his answer through Nearly Headless Nick, he speaking with the Ravenclaw’s House ghost, Helen Ravenclaw, she stealing the diadem from her mother and how the Bloody Baron had killed himself because he’d stabbed and killed her.

Finally, she admits hiding the diadem in Albania, and Voldemort had brought it back to Hogwarts when he’d interviewed for a job. Harry is met by Hagrid (I realize now Harry could’ve been using “Tom” as his choice to call him the whole time to mock his name for himself, in a way, as Dumbledore had.), the fight being on by this point, since it’d reached midnight. Harry realizes where he needed to go, also spotting Ron and Hermione who’d gone to the Chamber of Secrets, Ron speaking Parseltongue by memory and stabbing the Cup, Harry ecstatic. Ron and Hermione give each other a good snog until Harry thrusts them back to Erf. They have the Room of Requirement become the place with everyone’s hidden treasures, Harry locating the diadem, but foiled by Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle.

Crabbe curses the place with a fire monsters thingy and Ron and Hermione have to save the 2 burkes, Crabbe getting himself kilt, but Harry also catching the diadem as it’d been falling down from a victory throw of treasure by the creatures. When they escape, Harry sees the diadem crumble, since the fire had been cursed and fortunately did the trick in destroying the horcrux. Then, as the twins and Percy are fighting Death Eaters in the hall they’d come in from, an explosion kills Fred. Harry helps Percy stow him, everyone then continuing fighting Death Eaters except for the trio, Harry looking into Voldemort’s mind upon Hermione’s request. He sees Voldemort chilling, knowing Harry’d pursue him for Nagini, he commanding Malfoy’s Pops to get Snape.

The trio use the invisibility cloak due to how many faculty and students were fighting Death Eaters, Hagrid getting swept away with giant spiders as his bro searches for him at the castle windows. They retreat toward the forest, Harry too desperate by the dementors approaching to summon his patronus. Luna and 2 others save their asses and they reach the Whomping Tree where they’d get to the Shrieking Shack, Harry overhearing Snape speaking with Voldemort about the uprise and the Elder wand not impressing him like he expected. He concludes it’s because Snape had killed Dumbledore, meaning he’d have to kill Snape, leaving before he’s truly dead and giving Harry time to collect Snape’s memory.

Voldemort speaks loud-speaker style again to them about allowing an hour to help the injured and gather their dead, and if Harry didn’t reveal himself, he’d kill anyone to get in his way. Ron and Hermione encourage Harry to ignore Voldemort’s terms and focus on a new game plan at the castle. They see the Weasleys at Fred’s body, along with Tonks and Lupin’s, Harry too distraught to see who else hadn’t made it because of him. Instead he makes his way to Dumbledore’s office, which still contained the Pensieve, believing Snape’s memories could be no worse than what he’d currently experienced and having a temporary escape. He sees Snape as a boy confronting Lily about her magic and how Petunia had been a prude from childhood, and Snape’d struggled controlling his emotions around the close-minded Muggle, Petunia.

James and Sirius had taken a disliking of Snape from their first meeting on the train, Lily torn from the start on liking and disliking both Snape and James. Later on, after Snape’d heard part of the prophecy, he’d met with Dumbledore, whom had shown contempt of Snape for the first time because of his love for Lily and disregarding her new family. Snape is shown attempting to heal the injured Dumbledore after he’d worn Slytherin’s ring. The 2 discuss how this’d kill Dumbledore in about a year and how Draco’s task of murdering him should go to Snape as Voldemort had dictated. Dumbledore eventually shares with Snape how Harry’d have to be killed by Voldemort before Voldemort could die, because Harry carried a piece of his soul. The last memory is of Snape preparing to leave Gryffindor’s sword for Harry to find.

Colin Creevey dies, Harry seeing this after noticing how little time he had left, using his invisibility cloak and passing Neville and Oliver Wood carrying him. He leaves the castle without speaking to anyone, making the leaving easier, but does run into Neville again as he’s gone back out for more bodies. He made sure Neville knew to kill Nagini, he going invisible again and not stopping even when he sees Ginny helping someone. He learns how to open the snitch and gets the Resurrection stone, he seeing his parents, Lupin, and Sirius, they walking with him to Voldemort. 2 of the Death Eaters unknowingly lead him there where the rest of the followers, plus a bound Hagrid, whom is aghast Harry’d come. Harry was apparently thinking of Ginny kissing something of his (“—-“, not a period.), then gets the green flash.

Harry wakes up feeling alive, but meeting a quite dead Dumbledore, he believing Harry wasn’t quite corpse. Dumbledore also reveals how Grindelwald had killed his sis. After some time, they reach the subj. of Harry having the option to live, he ofc choosing accordingly. Voldemort had collapsed, as well, he delegating the task of checking Harry’s vitals to Narcissa, she asking after Draco, they then all heading for the castle with Harry playing dead, and Voldemort having Hagrid carry him. Voldemort does his voice boom trick and tells of Harry’s kaput inaccurately, then threatens death to anyone who didn’t kneel before him.

Ultimately, there’s a revolt and Neville kills Nagini with Gryffindor’s sword, Harry getting under his invisibility cloak. Once Harry’s given shield charms to those on his way to Voldemort, Bellatrix is taken out by Mrs. W and Harry extrapolates how Voldemort wasn’t true owner of the Elder wand, he having deduced Malfoy should’ve gotten it, but when Harry’d taken Malfoy’s wand, ownership should be his, now, the wand doing his bidding and Voldemort’s death being his own fault. It takes a few beats before everyone celebrates, Harry getting his 2 buds to accompany him to Dumbledore’s office as he explains Snape’s memories and his plan. Harry leaves the fallen Resurrection stone where he’d dropped it in the Forbidden Forest, he fixing his wand with the Elder wand and deciding to return it to Dumbledore’s resting place, Ron shocked, but Hermione understanding, ofc.

19 years later, Harry and Ginny are taking their 3 kids to the station, Longbottom’s a Herbology prof, Draco married with a son (obv), and Ron and Hermione with their 2, Harry not having been bothered by his scar since, and quelling the fears of his youngest if he were chosen to be Slytherin, mentioning how he’d get a choice, in the end.

Decent enough, I’ll still check out The Tales of Beedle the Bard.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Year Six)

Image result for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince book cover

The Prime Minister of Britain is told by portrait of Fudge wanting a chat, his call with the Prez to be rearranged. Fudge’s presence apparently was an annoyance across Muggle/Wizarding communities alike. The Prime Minister relives his handful of encounters with Fudge, the 2nd one regarding Sirius’ escape, the 3rd about their transport of magical creatures for the Goblet of Fire, the 4th regarding the Azkaban breakout, and now the 5th being Voldemort’s return. Fudge also details how the Muggle disasters had also been caused by Voldemort and his followers as of recently. Fudge reveals to him of already having been fired and was there to intro the new Ministry of Magic, as well, Rufus Scrimgeour. The man bustles in, the down-to-business, sort and taking care of certain Muggle-related needs in regard to the Jr. Prime Minister quacking, Fudge acting as the P.M.’s liaison.

Narcissa and her sister, Bellatrix are in a Muggle town, Bellatrix attempting to stop Narcissa from informing Snape of a secret, she not thinking it was in Voldemort’s best interest for her to reveal this. Despite her advice though, the 2 continue to Snape’s, he entertaining them readily and Wormtail preparing them drinks, since Voldemort had assigned him “to assist” him. After, Bellatrix goes off on him to explain his action and lack thereof in regards to the bidding of Voldemort. Snape comes back with how discerning Voldemort is and he’d already told the one whom most required it. Bellatrix is on a manic roll though, so Snape spends some time reasoning why he’d not been a team player more obviously to the team.

Snape does a stellar job of dotting all them i’s, and then Narcissa keeps stop starting on confiding her issue, but it going against Voldemort’s word, Snape agreeing with Bellatrix of she needing to keep her mouth shut, since he also was aware of the plan, pissing off Bellatrix again, but Narcissa focused on how this would endanger Draco, since he was such an eager puppy to help. She continues to beg for him to attempt to change Voldemort’s mind due to his inter-relationships with the Malfoys and Voldemort, he reminding her Voldemort’s main concern was allowing Snape to keep his position under cover, so would be in reserve to take over the task upon Draco’s failure, this ofc not comforting the distraught mother, but the consent to an Unbreakable Vow does the trick.

In regards to how Harry is found (I wonder if “fug” was supposed to be, “a misty ‘fog’.) at his window, asleep and breathing on the pane, he had been reading news referencing the attempted lifting of the prophecy in the Dept. of Mysteries, as well as another article about Fudge and his replacement, Rufus Scrimgeour, he and Dumbledore butting heads almost immediately. Regardless of this, Scrimgeour was setting up a variety of magical security for Hogwarts, and Harry currently was awaiting Dumbledore to collect him to return to the Burrow after a couple weeks at his Aunt’s (His letter concludes, “I am, yours most sincerely”, eye raise?).

Harry gets his visit from Dumbledore only a little bit after 11 pm. Harry hadn’t prepared the Dursleys, rightly so, but Dumbledore is a smooth talker anyways, he wiling some time away in their living room, so they could discuss some necessities before biffing off. One of these topics was Sirius’ will and leaving all to Harry, his home among them, but they needing to test if any charms placed on his possessions could be null if not a blood relative, Kreacher being the subject which showed Harry had claimed his inheritance. Dumbledore then details and requests the Dursleys allow Harry to return one last time before he came of age, so he’d carry the protection of the charm a bit longer, they then leaving for Dumbledore’s task.

This turns out to be convincing Dumbledore’s colleague, Horace Slughorn to teach at Hogwarts. They are met with what looks like a home broken into and weird, red, gelatinous goop high on the wall, Dumbledore detecting where Horace was laying, the two putting his home back to clean-state. Dumbledore intro;s Harry, and Horace, sensing why he’d brought him, straight out declines, but they staying for a drink. Harry learns Slughorn had been his mother’s teacher and he loving how his former students who had made themselves successful, send him gifts, and once Dumbledore has them leave abruptly, ensures Slughorn would come back for the new semester. Before next leaving Harry at the Burrow, Dumbledore gives him kudos on how he’d taken the Ministry of Magic drama, his loss, and how he should, most definitely confide in his buddies on what the prophecy contained. He’s then given some interesting news of studying under Dumbledore.

They then go to the Burrow, Mrs. Weasley and Tonks up to greet them at the early hour, the latter looking sickly and leaving quickly, Dumbledore following soon after, Harry getting fed. Molly mentions Arthur getting a promotion and was returning soon, Harry having to sit through a slightly embarrassing question and answer regarding a private name between the two. Soon after Harry is sent to the twins’ room to sleep, they staying in a flat above their shop, Molly acknowledging their natural business acumen. Later on Ron, Ginny, and Hermione come in to greet him, he getting breakies from Fleur, she sharing her engagement to Bill and the family not on-board. They also receive their grades from O.W.L.s and Harry’s dream of becoming an Auror being dashed.

On his birthday, they learn Karkaroff had been discovered dead, and a few days later came their class and book list, Harry learning he’d made Quidditch Captain and now had similar benefits as prefects. Molly would take them all to Diagon Alley for supplies and look in on the twins shop by the weekend, upon everyone going, they seeing how Diagon Alley looked much seedier with the closed shops, Hagrid escorting the trio whilst Ginny was stuck with her parents. They end up seeing Malfoy with mummsy in the robes shop, the two Malfoys being cunts in tandem, but Harry rising to the occasion, as well.

After, they see the twins had made quite an eye-drawing ad in front of their shop and inside, they learned the twins were making mad bank, Harry being offered whatever he fancied for free. As everyone is looking through the shop, the trio steal away after Malfoy, whom had gone solo to get an item fixed without any parentals finding out, they not able to discover what it was or what Malfoy wanted to purchase, they returning to Mrs. Weasley and Hagrid.

Harry can’t shake Malfoy’s odd request at the shop, he considering and sharing how he thought perhaps Malfoy had been sworn in as a Death Eater to replace his imprisoned father, neither buddy convinced, Arthur taking a similar opinion when Harry confides his suspicion at the train stop, Harry then hanging out with Neville and Luna, since Ron and Hermione had prefect duties. Harry and Neville end up bowing out due to an invite from Slughorn for lunch with promising students, one being passed on when he learns the boy wasn’t in close contacts with his powerful family member. Slughorn reserves interviewing Harry last, they all finally released when it darkened to evening, Harry getting his chance to snoop on Malfoy when a Slytherin enters his compartment.

His nosiness gets the best of him, ofc, so he allows himself to be caught by Malfoy, whom freezes him, breaks his nose, and covers him with his cloak in the hope he wouldn’t be discovered until the train had returned to London. Fortunately, Tonks helps him, she acting much sobered still and to top it off, Snape collects him from the highly secure gate. When Dumbledore gives his speech, Harry is shocked to learn Snape had gotten his wish to become the Defense teacher and when everyone leaves after the speech to dorms, Harry shares with Ron why his nose had been messed up and how the 3 would inform Hagrid none of them were continuing Care of Magical Creatures.

They get their new schedules and once going to Defense with Snape, he starts the class with silent spell-casting and shielding, which Harry gets a detention when talking back without thinking. Dumbledore sends a message about when his first lesson was, unfortunately the same time as poor Snape’s detention. When they take Potions with Slughorn, Harry’s borrowed textbook gives him notes on how to prepare the classwork perfectly and winning the good luck potion, Ginny worried by Harry having followed notes from an unknown person, it revealing in the back it’d been owned by the half-blood prince.

As their Potions lessons continue, Harry follows the half blood prince’s notes and Hermione sticks with the official way even after being offered to share, getting annoyed it wasn’t giving her the same results, Harry getting all the potions perfectly the next few times. When Harry makes it to his Saturday lesson with Dumbledore, he discovers he’d planned for them to learn more about Harry’s situation with Voldemort together, since Harry now knew as much as him, this point on being the theories into hopefully discovering more truth (Rowling has Dumbledore use a word like “huger” after he just claims to being a cleverer man than most?…say tf what???) To begin, Dumbledore has them view a memory through the Pensieve from a Bob Ogden, whom had shared a memory whilst he’d been working for Magical Law Enforcement. They are soon following Ogden to a hidden home outside Little Hangleton, he confronted by an intimidating grungy man speaking Parseltongue. He sets a spell on Ogden, an older man coming out to collect his son and warn how he’d had every right to defend himself and his property.

Ogden sees Gaunt’s daughter, as well, she ignoring them. Soon, Ogden shares a summons being given to Morfin, Gaunt having a cow, since they’d been purebloods for hundreds of years and were descendants of Slytherin, the group interrupted by a passing couple outside, Morfin then outing his sister for having eyes for the Muggle man and their father going into a rage because of their pure heritage and racism. Ogden returns later with more back up and the 2 men are sentenced to Azkaban, Harry also learning Morfin’s sister was Voldemort’s mother and his father had been the handsome Muggle.

By the time Gaunt had been released, Voldemort’s mother had biffed off and when Morfin had gotten out, his father was already dead. Merope had eloped with her bedazzled lover, gets pregnant and before giving birth, Tom Sr. ditches her for possibly returning to his senses and doesn’t inquire after his offspring thereafter. Before leaving for the night, Harry sees the same ring Gaunt had been wearing inside Dumbledore’s office, he hurting his hand around the time he’d acquired it, but this story still on pause.

Hermione’s begrudgement toward Harry’s mastering the Potions lessons so far was the only mo. she could claim, since everyone’s classes had become more detailed and work-heavy. The ability to spell-casting silently alluded many, but was needed in more than one class, so practice was viewed in Gryffindor’s common room often, and visits with Hagrid were nonexistent, he now ignoring them in halls. The trio contend with finding the time to attempt a chat with Hagrid, Harry having tryouts and the numbers be more excessive than the years before.

They learn through the news, the young conductor, Stan had been arrested for Death Eater info before they all go to the Quidditch field for the tryouts. Ron and Ginny make it again, Hermione jinxing the most talented boy, so Ron had a chance, they visiting Hagrid after and fixing his attitude about they not taking his class, he also sharing Aragog the spider seeming ill. Before reaching dinner, Slughorn invites Hermione and Harry for late din din saying he’d speak with Snape on postponing his detention once more, this not happening and Harry learning his task would be a messy one.

The day of Hogsmeade trip, Harry was flipping through the half-blood prince’s Potions textbook, the made up hexes and jinxes fascinating him. Later, he’s confronted by Slughorn in Honeyduke’s since he’d missed all of his invites so far, due to making Quidditch practice the same hour, his next save being his class with Dumbledore. When the trio decide to make an early day of Hogsmeade due to weather, Harry learning Mundungus was nicking Sirius’s stuff, and everyone getting into more of a mood, on their way back, a girl student has a disturbing episode in front of them, Harry getting Hagrid and he running back to the school with her. They told McGonagall what they’d witnessed, Harry still believing Malfoy was behind it, despite he being in detention, Ron and Hermione not arguing anymore, since he couldn’t see past his own theory.

Monday evening Dumbledore has them enter one of his own memories regarding Tom and the day he’d spoken with his orphanage mistress, she loosening her tongue about how he’d come there and the weird incidents to happen around him. Upon meeting Ton, he was suspicious, but eager to attend Hogwarts and after viewing the memory, Dumbledore has Harry remember Voldemort’s reactions during certain pieces of their interaction, before ending their session.

Harry is going on and on about how he mustn’t have feelings for Ginny because Ron would kill him. Instead, he gives Ron his luck charm, Hermione catching him, and he defiant. After Ron plays the best game of his life, Harry reveals of duping Ron with fake potion, but Hermione and he not making up, he ending his night with a snog with Lavender and Hermione siccing her conjured birds at him for being a snob and show off. At Slughorn’s party where Harry took Luna, he snoops on Malfoy and Snape by invisible cloak, they having retreated to a classroom nearby, it revealing quite a bit indirectly.

Harry shares this information with Arthur at Christmas, Lupin also present and saying the repeated, “If you trust Dumbledore, might as well trust Snape.” On Christmas morning, Percy is accompanied by Scrimgeour, whom obviously came to see Harry on the pretense of Percy wanting to spend time with the family, which was not the case. Harry soon learns Scrimgeour wanted him to agree to at least look like he’s aiding the Ministry, to calm people’s fears, but Harry not falling for being a fluffer for the Ministry in the press and declines outrightly.

When they return to school after holidays, they are presented with opportunity to receive apparating lessons, the trio all signing up. Harry’s lesson with Dumbledore had him relating his chat with Scrimgeour and the conversation between Snape and Malfoy, Dumbledore acting as Lupin anticipated, unphased. Harry shows his being butt-hurt, since Dumbledore became short with him about his loyalty to Snape having been unchanged, Dumbledore regarding this before refocusing them on the couple of memories he’s collected. He starts with how Voldemort dropped his father’s name and his search into his family background.

The first memory from Morfin which proved Voldemort had killed his father and grandparents. The second was an altered memory from Slughorn which Dumbledore tasked Harry in having him confess properly. Harry’s first attempt fails, another chance arriving on Ron’s birthday when he’s accidentally love-potioned, then poisoned in Slughorn’s office. Harry ends up next to Ron to recover a cracked skull from Quidditch, he also realizing and having Dobby and Kreacher do his bidding and spy on Malfoy for him.

When Harry meets with Dumbledore, he’s made to feel guilty for not completing the Slughorn task, but they continue with more memories, Harry apologizing and determined to try again. They go to a memory when Voldemort killed to retrieve his mother’s locket as well as a Hufflepuff cup from Hogwarts’ history and one from Dumbledore’s memory where Voldemort returns after Dumbledore had become Headmaster recently and asks for a position again, Dumbledore ofc refusing, this also being the origin of when Defense would employ an annually changing teacher.

Harry soon learns Malfoy was going to the Room of Requirement for an unknown purpose, learning later it was used for 2 pieces of furniture, one in the antique shop, but first Harry takes some good luck potion to help persuade Slughorn, which leads to him going to Hagrid’s invite to Aragog’s funeral, Slughorn tagging what with the acquisition of fang venom and Harry using a refilling of wine charm, getting Slughorn toasted and convincing him to supply the memory to him.

Once Harry learns Dumbledore had come back late, the two immediately view the memory. After which Harry gets his chance to destroy a horcrux after hearing Snape had been the snooper of the prophecy getting Harry’s parents killed. They retrieve the horcrux without too much trouble, but upon getting back to Hogsmeade, they see the Dark mark above Hogwarts. Malfoy soon has Dumbledore at his mercy, Harry enchantedly frozen, he having been the cause of the girl student and Ron’s close death calls. In the end, Snape must do the deed, Harry giving chase and losing him outside the boundaries of the school to disapparate. Hagrid doesn’t believe Harry, he seeing Dumbledore’s body, Snape also having admitted to being the half-blood prince.

Harry refuses to part from Dumbledore’s body, only Ginny able to lead him away, she guiding him to where everyone else was currently, the hospital wing. Bill had been disfigured by Greyback, a werewolf curse making it difficult to heal, but fortunately everyone had taken some lucky potion. McGonagall had taken the post as Headmistress and she having the Heads of Houses vote on whether they should keep the school open before the Minister of Magic arrived. They have Dumbledore’s funeral, Harry declares he planned on not returning to Hogwart’s and instead look for the horcruxes, but before setting out, Hermione and Ron ofc plan to join him, they having to go to Bill and Fleur’s wedding, Harry also having broken up with Ginny to protect her. The End. Good enough, onward!

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Year Five)

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Harry’s been attempting to keep an eye and ear out of word regarding odd deaths in relation to Voldemort all summer, he not having any luck. An interaction with Dudley gets him in enough trouble with the Dursleys and the Ministry of Magic where he’s first automatically expelled for using the patronum spell against a couple of dementors. Soon after, he gets word from Sirius, and 2 of the Weasleys, as well as Hermione as to how he should proceed. After which, he gets another official letter condemning him a bit more lightly in only being suspended until a hearing was held as to his reasons for applying magic outside the wizarding community. Throughout all this mess, his uncle officially kicks him out only to be swayed by a letter which Petunia was the only one to understand, so Harry is again “lucky” in having his back up “home” still being an option.

When Harry does finally get the chance to ditch the Dursleys, it’s with the newly introduced Nymphadora Tonks, as well as Lupin, Moody, and a few other wizards who would escort Harry by broom to their new headquarter for the Order of the Phoenix, Sirius’ family home. Hermione and Ron soon get a huge bitch fit from Harry, since he’d felt so alone and left out of being told anything and having been tailed all summer and everyone seeming to know. He receives updates on Percy and his new position having him fall out with the family because they feel he’s being used solely for information about his family and Dumbledore, whom was now a bad word in the Ministry of Magic. Kreacher is the elf of the house and was touched in the head, he attempting to periodically lift family heirlooms which Sirius was in the process of dumping, one of the portraits in the main hall of Sirius’ mother, whom continually shouted expletives against him and held similar views to the Malfoys.

Sirius decides to answer some of Harry’s questions despite Molly Weasley vehemently against it due to Harry still being a child, regardless of how the men in the house felt, which was he was old enough to hear what they thought was necessary for him to be safe. Later, Harry learns from a portrait of Sirius’ family tree, he was related to Tonks, a cousin, and also the Malfoys and Weasleys. After this, Kreacher is still on a rampage after more family items whilst talking shit about everyone under his breath, but not enough for it to be discreet. The night before his hearing he is updated of Arthur accompanying him and Sirius would sit this one out by Dumbledore’s order, Harry a little miffed he hadn’t wanted to speak with him personally after learning he’d been over the night before. He and Arthur walk to his office today, they entering by broken phone box. After a little runaround, Harry is only late by a few minutes, Arthur not able to join Harry inside, but the room shocking him, since he’d viewed it from the pensieve.

Harry sits in the chair with chains in front of the panel of about 50, Fudge in the center and Percy at the far end taking notes, Dumbledore arriving as introductions of the panel were made, to Harry’s surprise and Fudge’s displeasure. The change of venue and time seemed to have changed so abruptly being to keep Dumbledore out, but he’d prepared by arriving early. Fudge begins his damning questions when another wizard asks for Harry to elaborate after mentioning the dementors, Fudge cutting him off again making it seem he was lying, since Dudley couldn’t see them, but Dumbledore jumps in to state of another witness being available which puts Fudge off, so Dumbledore makes certain it’s within Harry’s rights to be allowed outside witnesses to testify on his behalf.

Figg is called in, Fudge attempting to make her sound un-credible. Bones seemed to take the story more seriously and Dumbledore admits the dementors wouldn’t have been there by chance and if Fudge wouldn’t admit to what Dumbledore had previously stated to him, then the Ministry would have to be responsible for releasing the dementors and ordering them to a Muggle city. Fortunately, even though Fudge kept attempting to throw Harry under the bus, Dumbledore had the answers and after stating the forum should make their decision, Fudge isn’t happy in having to announce Harry being cleared, Dumbledore not acknowledging Harry and leaving swiftly.

Harry tentatively exits and shares the verdict with Arthur, they seeing Malfoy speaking with Fudge, being a dick and then the two finally deciding to hold hands and skip to Fudge’s office to finish their important, gold-filled sharing conversation (not quite the way as describe, ofc). Arthur gets Harry back before returning to work, he sharing his good news again and they getting lunch. Sirius, apparently was happy, but also a bit aggravated, since Harry wouldn’t be staying with him now, in the trio’s opinion, anyways. After a few days, they receive their book list letter, Ron getting an extra surprise of also being prefect, Harry struggling with feeling truly happy for a bit, getting through it after reminding himself Ron is a friend (ffs). After, everyone meets for dinner and they also celebrate Ron and Hermione’s prefectdom, Harry feeling warm toward the group after reminding himself his papa wasn’t ever a prefect, either.

Harry helps Fred and George complete a deal with Mundungus for their shop, mentioning Moody possibly watching. Harry feels a bit guilty when imagining what Molly would think of him if she found out he’d helped the twins with their low quality dream. Harry’s good vibes at the party swiftly souring and feeling antisocial. When Molly bows out, Harry planned on following, but is side-tracked by Moody, whom shares a pic of himself and many people Harry knew, including the Longbottoms and his parents, he finally getting a reason to leave when Sirius interrupts them, Harry off after Molly. He also thinks about how unsettling Moody’s thoughtful photo share had been, when he heard crying, and seeing the dead bodies of some of the Weasley sibs and himself, Molly having trouble with the boggart, Lupin then assisting. Molly asks they keep her fears from Arthur, Lupin quelling her anxiety a bit, Harry awaying to his room and realizing how dumb he’d been feeling like shit over helping fund the twins and not making prefect.

Harry has odd dreams, waking to Ron in mid-sentence about his mother freaking out at the twins for almost killing Ginny with a trunk transporting method and being late for the train. Sirius joins them in dog-form despite Dumbledore’s opinion, everyone arriving as usual and no weirdness occurring. They get on the train, but Harry soon learns Ron and Hermione had to report to Head Girl and Boy in the Prefect carriage, he and Ginny finding a compartment. Neville joins them, Ginny suggesting they sit with Luna Lovegood, an odd owl-eyed girl, she responding to Ginny, then identifying Harry, and admitting she didn’t know Neville. The boys were unnerved by Luna’s flighty socializing skills, Ginny entertained.

Neville doused the group with stinksap when Cho decides to greet Harry to his and her severe embarrassment, an hour after the food trolley passing before Ron and Hermione are able to accompany them and share who were the other Houses prefects, one of Slytherin being easy to identify. Ron makes a joke at one point which completely overtakes Luna, everyone soon laughing at Ron’s reaction to Luna’s overreaction Harry then distracting himself with a politi-comic about Fudge wanting to buy Gringotts and an article on Sirius being an alias for a lead singer of a band. The lady whom identifies him believed Sirius would soon be pardoned from his crimes, since he couldn’t have been there at the time. Hermione makes an assertion about the magazine which Luna takes offense to, since her father was editor, Malfoy then dropping in, briefly to provide some paranoia about whether he knew about Sirius’ dog form. When they get to the station, Harry doesn’t hear Hagrid’s usual greeting, a female rounding up the first years. Another odd thing was how the horseless carriages now had creatures pulling them. Ron didn’t have a clue what Harry was talking about, but Luna confirms Harry’s vision, this not quite comforting.

Luna gives her opinion on how Ravenclaw students saw Hagrid’s teaching skills, Hermione’s response being the only one without loyal heat. When they’d gotten to the banquet hall and still didn’t see Hagrid, Harry suggests it could be due to the mission Dumbledore had given him, the Sorting Hat next doing its First Year division, but including a warning for the Houses to stay strong, together. When Dumbledore makes his introduction speech after supper, he’s interrupted for the first time, by Umbridge, the new Defense teacher, she having been a judge at Harry’s trial. She gives one helluva boring speech about being open to change where needed and keeping only the good rules in place. Hermione deduces the meaning simply for them: the Ministry had plans to mess with Hogwarts rules. As Harry and dorm boys readied for bed, there’s a bit of an upset between himself and Seamus, whom decided to believe his mother, whom thought the news written about Harry, the 2 quickly falling out and Harry wondering how many more people he’d lose before Voldemort made his presence known.

Next morning, Hermione sees Fred and George’s notice on the Gryffindor bulletin board for part-time workers, Hermione taking charge by stating they’d have to speak to the twins about their ad. When they enter the banquet hall, they are again greeted by a Hagrid-less room. Later on, Harry is made a fool of by Snape in class again. He was still so butt hurt, he takes it out on Ron and Hermione again, since they were still tiffing with each other. Then, in Divination Ron shares Hermione’s thoughts of Harry treating them unfairly, but the 2 also having stopped their little arguments. When they get to their first class with the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, she declares they’d be filling in their gaps of knowledge due to their teachers never staying past a year.

Umbridge decides to have them begin with a reading assignment, Hermione soon making a scene with her silent hand raise. The class is soon paying more attention to her as Umbridge ignores her for a few minutes until finally regarding her question about application of defense, Umbridge soon receiving more raised hands and Harry costing 10 points after suggesting Voldemort could be a danger to anyone outside, she maintaining this was untrue and they wouldn’t have to practice for their O.W.L.s, since reading should be enough. By the end of Harry’s insubordinance, he’d gotten detention for the rest of the week and sent to McGonagall’s office, she making certain Harry understood what was required of him and to watch his step around Umbridge.

At dinner, the trio leave early with all the loud retellings of Harry’s confrontation, Hermione incensed on how Dumbledore could’ve allowed Umbridge be their professor. The day of his first detention, Harry’s Quidditch team leader angrily demands he get Friday off for their tryout. Harry does ask, but it’s clear Umbridge planned on having him suffer, especially with his standards which cut and healed on his hand after each being written. He decides not to share this part of the punishment with his buddies. It does come out to Ron by the 3rd night, though, he having been practicing for Quidditch tryouts, Harry still attending detention, but viewing part of the tryouts from a bit of a distance, by the end of his session, he getting a shock from his scar and a weird feeling from Umbridge and how she responded to his pulling away from her, Harry leaving and busting in on Ron celebrating becoming Keeper.

On Saturday, the boys put off their other homework to practice for Quidditch before actual practice, it not going well in the proper practice, especially after Fred and George give a teammate a wrong pill and her nosebleed gets worse. As the boys get to their homework, Ron receives a message from Percy which has him promoting Ron to ditch Harry and to see what role Dumbledore would soon have listed in tomorrow’s paper. Sirius visits by flame, they learning what Fudge thought Dumbledore could be teaching and why they’d only be studying from text. Sirius also notes how Dumbledore wasn’t worrying about Hagrid’s absence, so they should do the same, but when the idea of he perhaps meeting up with them again at a Hogsmeade outing goes against him, he pulls a Harry and reacts petulantly and declares Harry was being unlike his father after he and Hermione noted the risk what with Malfoy and the news.

The news certainly showed how Umbridge’s position had doubled in title and power, since she also held the newly stated position of “High Inquisitor”, as well as professor, she now taking notes on the professors and sitting in on classes. Harry also gets himself a second week of detention after talking back in Defense again and getting an extra night in Care, etc., since Umbridge was rating the temporary professor and Harry butted in on Malfoy’s injury story. At night, Harry’s given the suggestion of he teaching his buds Defense, since he was the best at practical use, but it slowly descending into Harry getting upset, he frustratedly agreeing to think about it, at least.

Hermione waits a couple weeks before asking again, Harry a bit more flexible to the idea, Hermione even suggesting they hold an open meeting the weekend to Hogsmeade in case other students were interested. Harry’s only other concern was the possibility of Sirius turning up. Upon the day, they go to the Hog’s Head, so as to stay from under Umbridge radar, the group which Hermione expected to being more than a couple, a baker’s dozen, at least. Hermione warms the crowd up, since she’d set all this up and master-minded it, making sure those students understood it was for only those who actually wanted to know how to practice what they read. One kid seemed to want to make trouble, but the twins with Ron defending Harry and what he’d been explaining to them about half of what he’d done being good luck, the group wanting Harry to teach them, anyways. Setting time and place was a bit difficult, so Hermione had a parchment ready for people to sign and be given the details later, this also being an agreement to keep their lessons to themselves. After, Ron learns Ginny had a boyfriend and Hermione had seen the constant looks Cho was giving Harry, which left him in the clouds again, whilst Ron blustered.

The trio spend Sunday finishing homework and sitting outside whilst doing so, Hermione knitting magically. Harry stayed in happy spirits all the way to Monday morning, when on the “notice” board, Umbridge had posted all types of clubs canceled and those wanting to apply could only be approved by her, and any outlaws would be expelled. Ron shows Hermione, she believing no one from their meeting had done it, since she’d jinxed the parchment and they’d see. Harry didn’t realize until Angelina, the Quidditch leader reminded him, they’d have to behave themselves if they wanted Umbridge to allow Gryffindors team to re-form. Hedwig next interrupts Harry’s history class due to an injury, he leaving her with Grubbly-Plank, reading Sirius’ reply on meeting time and place. Hermione and Ron note how hopefully no one’s been reading his messages, a possibility for how Hedwig became injured.

In the meanwhile, at Potions, Malfoy is loudly sharing how Slytherins team had been reinstated quickly and bashing Harry indirectly until mentioning he should be sent to St. Mungo’s, Hermione attempting to warn the boys of keeping a cool head, but Neville being the first to react, Harry and Ron holding him back, Snape then coming out to see the 3 struggling and wresting 10 points from them. Today also happened to be Umbridge’s sit-in, Harry quite nosy about how Umbridge would display her stepping upon Snape’s toes. It not being worth the 0 credit he receives for his botched potion in class plus essay on how he fucked it up. In Divination it’s obvious Trelawney was sent her sit-in results, she quite aggressive and only a little bit passive toward the class in response. The trio learn later of how Gryffindors team would be on hiatus until Umbridge made up her flabby-assed mind, Hermione noting how Harry had time for Snape’s extra essay now, at least…huzzah. When Sirius shows up, he mentions how he’d heard about their rebel training and whom had spotted them, since Harry was still being tailed.

The trio also got a message from Molly about not continuing the group. but Sirius’ opinion opposing hers, he giving suggestions for meeting spots, but they being interrupted by Umbridge’s hand in the flames attempting to catch Sirius, the conversation quickly ending and the trio retreating. Hermione is now almost certain Umbridge has been the reason Hedwig was injured through her attempts at reading Harry’s mail. During free time, Angelina updates Ron and Harry of getting their team approved, so practice would resume in the evening. Hermione is considering how good an idea it was to keep their secret group active, what with not quite finalizing everything, yet, she noting how Sirius was preoccupied with his isolation (Boosh) and perhaps wanting the trio to do as he and James would’ve done, rebel; the boys don’t take reality well.

During Quidditch practice, weather was still at downpour level, they trying to play for an hour before the session ended, Harry’s scar hurting again due to Voldemort’s mood. Harry tries to do more of his essay late into the night, his mind wandering on Voldemort, before sleeping for a short while, Dobby visiting him in the common room when he wakes up again, he sharing how Hermione’s knitting endeavors was affronting most of the elves, so Dobby had been collecting them for himself and Winky, he even having a decent spot for the Defense group to practice. During the day, Harry tells Angelina of their practice area and time, she passing it on and Hermione agreeing once learning Dumbledore had spoken about it, as well, since Dobby’s word alone was similar to Sirius’ in quality. They have their first official group meeting by voting Harry leader and naming themselves Dumbledore’s Army, Harry then having them start with the disarming charm. The first practice goes so well, there is agreement to meeting more often, but it’d wait until next week for confirmations.

This turns out to be difficult with opposing schedules, but worked for their needs to deceive obvious patterns to be caught. Hermione did come up with a convenient way for everyone to be updated on when their next sessions were by using a coin to present date and time when Harry set his, this soon being put on hold with the game soon to be had. Snape and McGonagall also decide to refrain from homework, so their teams could practice, the day of. Ron is extremely nervous, and Slytherin kids are wearing a crown badge, saying “Weasley is our King”, because of how shit he is, sometimes, when nerves get him; They even have a flipping song!

By the finish with Gryffindor winning, Harry and George both get sent to McGonagall’s office for fighting with Malfoy. Umbridge steps in and bans the 2 from playing Quidditch for life. Harry and Ron have shitty feelings later on, respectively when Hermione sees Hagrid was home.When they see him, his ass had got beat! By giants, which Hermione guesses and it being the obvious choice, after all. Hagrid is then baited with deets from Harry’s summer so they could hear about his secret mission with Madame Maxime. They’re interrupted by Umbridge, Hermione not seeming to stress enough how serious Umbridge’s sit-ins were to Hagrid, he too tired for this shit.

They go to Hagrid’s first class back and Umbridge wasn’t there, Hagrid having his class in the Forbidden Forest to “see” Thestrals, Umbridge locating them, giving her usual spiel on having sent a message, etc, Hagrid continuing admirably, even whilst Slytherin kids shared insulting opinions of their time in class, how he spoke and whatnot, Umbridge relating similarly and talking to him like he wasn’t an English-speaker and slow. Hermione rages a bit after, Malfoy taking another hit at Ron and Harry, nothing of note happening up to the talk of holidays, Harry spending it with the Weasleys, Hermione skiing with her folks, and poor Sirius all alone. Upon their final D.A. meeting, Harry gets selfish when Cho breaks down after class and Harry having wanted it to be a sweet moment rather than being about Cedric, but then she gives him a happy Christmas, for a 15 year old, but his thought on whether to share or take it to his grave, is puzzling.

Hermione completely guesses, though, so she doesn’t care much after, but Ron getting a decent Q&A, Hermione rejoining the chat when the boys need some insight on why Cho may be conflicted about liking Harry. Afterward, Harry yearns for advice from the one fella whom probably had almost the same capacity of knowledge as Harry, emotionally. He does have one fairly forward-thinking thought, which was to have the school teach teen girl psyche (not a bad idea, if one wishes to be empathetic). He then wakes from a violent physically-ill-causing dream, he trying to have Ron believe his father had been in danger. When McGonagall hears his story, she decides to take him to Dumbledore, whom has orders given out to available wizards. He then has the other Weasley kids sent for so they and Harry could wait at Sirius’, Harry feeling some exorcism-hateful kind of thoughts toward Dumbledore, and when getting to Sirius’ before Umbridge had come, Harry retells his vision slightly differently to offset possible accusation for having let it happen.

Sirius soon has to convince the Weasley twins to stay put until they could get Molly there, he settling by giving all butterbeer, Harry shaken and guilty about his first-person-snake vision and his murderous feelings toward Dumbledore earlier. Molly sends a message with instructions to stay put, the kids not liking her choice of words, implying Arthur was only hanging in there. Everyone stays awake and wonders what was happening, until Molly arrives before dawn, confirming he’d be fine. Harry and Sirius both getting her grateful thanks, especially when he invites them to stay through the holidays. Harry has a not-so-fruitful heart-to-heart with Sirius when he admits his dream and feelings toward Dumbledore after reaching Sirius’ home. Harry doesn’t sleep, unlike the rest, caught up with his snaky feeling, they being escorted by Tonks and Moody to hospital later, it being through a closed shop front. The Weasley kids learn about Harry’s possession by snake whilst eavesdropping on Molly, Arthur, Tonks, and Moody’s chat after they’d had seen Arthur themselves.

Harry begins believing he was the weapon Voldemort was using which was why he was being guarded. In the end, he believes he’d be saving those around him if he stayed at the Dursleys, but Dumbledore sends word by one of the paintings to remain where he was, pissing Harry off again. Feeling teen loner angst, he falls asleep, doesn’t go down for supper, and when awaking again, comes back to his thought of going to the Dursleys due to thinking everyone was afraid of him again. He wastes the day sequestering himself away from everyone, Hermione showing up due to making an excuse and not being a great skier, as it was. When she leads Harry back to his and Ron’s room, Ginny also there, Harry acts stuck up and angry until Ginny reminds him she’d been possessed by Voldemort and would know better than most, he finally calming down, apologizing to her, and eating a sammie.

Christ Day was pleasantly begun, minus Percy returning his jumper and not speaking with his parents, still. Molly being cheered up by Lupin before breakies and they all going to visit Arthur again, she noticing new bandages and Arthur making light over his trainee healer giving him Muggle stitches. Molly’s reaction is so palpable, half the Weasley kids bow out for a cuppa, Harry and the rest soon following once she realizes what it meant. The bunch see Lockhart looking through a window from a floor below the tea room, he still memory-damaged, and wanting to provide them with autographs, until being collected by a healer, whom unfortunately ropes them into visiting him, since he hadn’t gotten visitors before, and he was in a locked ward for permanent residents.

Harry hears the healer speak to Mrs. Longbottom when they reach the ward, Ron noticing as well, and calling out to Neville, his grandmother asking about them in return, and recognizing them, also revealing who they were visiting, Ron being a bit of a ditz about it, until Neville’s grandma explains why his parents were there, giving Neville a bit of a hard time upon learning he hadn’t shared with his friends, yet. Before the 2 leave, Neville’s mother gives him a bubble gum wrapper, which apparently she did frequently, his grandmother stating how he had so many he should dump this one, but he keeping it. Lockhart impatiently waits for the kids to return so he could take advantage of his “joined-up writing” skills.

As vacay ends, Sirius’ mood becomes darker, Harry not wanting to leave him, ofc. Kreacher finally is discovered and acts oddly more content. Harry also wasn’t as keen on returning to Hogwarts with Umbridge awaiting them and no Quidditch, Mrs. Weasley begins the process of Harry receiving worse news from Snape, firsthand, he soon learning between jabs from Snape and Sirius, Dumbledore wanted Harry to study Occlumency (the study of defending one’s mind from outside violence) in secret, Snape being his teacher, as well, Harry’s early evening on Monday now scheduled. Before Snape leaves, he and Sirius continue getting deeply bent over insulting each other, until being interrupted by all the Weasleys and Hermione welcoming Arthur back. He’d been cured with a magic antidote, Molly making sure he wouldn’t mess with Muggle cures in future. In January, the kids were set to return to Hogwarts, Sirius giving Harry a package which he could use if he needed Sirius, Harry set on not giving him a reason to frolic off from Grimmauld Place.

The bunch go by Knight bus, the conductor, Stan remembering him and the other bus riders staring as he joined and departed. Lupin gives him the piece of advice to learn well, regardless of it being Snape, Harry still not looking forward to it, ofc., esp., since now he’d have to plan the next D.A. meeting accordingly. When Cho turns up, Harry is obv. too immature to be handling a girl like her, since she’d brought up the Valentine’s Hogsmeade day and he talking and thinking about D.A., but with a few missed beats he’s not dumb enough to not invite her, they sealing the date, fortunately for him. In the evening, Snape describes the power Voldemort has of essentially reading minds, so with Occlumency, one could lie “without detection”, if skilled. Snape impressively shares some deets on why Harry was learning this form and directly after decides a defense match was in order. Harry had hexed Snape as a knee-jerk reaction, he continuing to strengthen Harry by pointing out his weakness, which in turn made it difficult to resist Snape’s assault. He did have a Eureka moment about the door he’d been dreaming of periodically, and upon sharing with his buddies what he’d learned, he decides to got to bed for scar pain and tiredness, he getting a sense of Voldemort’s pure happiness which puts him through he ringer of pain.

Hermione gets her paper next morning, an article startling her about a group of Death Eaters in Azkaban escaping and Sirius being their leader according to Fudge, she also catching another terrible article about a resident at St. Mungo’s being strangled by a gifted plant, Harry recognizing the fellow being an employee in the Dept. of Mysteries. Hagrid was put on probation, and Harry had other students relating to his celebrity due to the Azkaban escapees relatives being noticed, now. Umbridge had also made more rules regarding what was said to students regarding anything other than their class subjects from teachers, another student being punished the same way Harry had been for stating a loophole in Umbridge’s new rule. Since all of Harry’s positive reinforcement at Hogwarts was being taken from him, he and his students focused more on D.A., Neville making great headway with the news of the Death Eaters.

Harry’s new practice course was making his scar hurt worse and gave him bipolar mood-swings from Voldemort. Hermione considering he’d feel better the more time he spent mastering it, but Harry becoming stubborn in his idea of all this being worse because of the practicing, Ron suggesting the idea Snape might be attempting to make it easier for Voldemort to enter Harry’s mind, but Hermione maintaining if Dumbledore trusted him, they ought to, as well. Harry’s day with Cho begins awkwardly and only gets worse as they go, some in-between moments going temporarily well. In the end, Cho, becomes tearily upset, and making a scene, the both not communicating to each other well or the feelings they were having being way off balance from the other, so Harry stops thinking about her and goes to the Three Broomsticks to await for Hermione to show up, he chatting to Hagrid.

Their conversation is mysterious and his cuts being explained away with his job being a difficult one, leaving quickly and Hermione soon after calling him to her table to join she with Luna and Rita Skeeter, oddly. Skeeter still attempts, but is turned down with her idea of writing down Harry having been chilling with another girl by Hermione’s comment. Rita is allowed to speak to Harry, though, but she only asks Harry whether he stuck to Dumbledore’s story about Voldemort being back. Harry confirms and Rita gets down to business with Hermione’s blessing to take down Harry’s list of Death Eaters, but properly and without making Harry sound nuts, Hermione confirming The Quibbler would publish it properly, regardless of the magazine’s reputation. Rita begrudgingly takes the interview, since she couldn’t argue what with the position she was in.

They wouldn’t know if it’d make the issue most recent to come out or the one after, but one of Harry’s roomies did point out the interesting reaction Umbridge would have. Later at dinner, Hermione explains the drama Harry had with Cho, Ron coming in after practice and stating how Hermione could write the manual for boys to understand easier. Gryffindor lost Quidditch by 10 points and Harry dreamt of the door again, Ron’s snoring this time preventing him from glimpsing inside. Harry receives post, surprisingly the next morning from a few different birds. His Quibbler story had been published and he was already receiving fan mail, some believers and some not, but people mostly accepting his version. Umbridge takes it horribly, ofc making a new rule of Quibbler possession = expulsion and Harry receiving more detention and 50 points from Gryffindor, Hermione over the moon about Umbridge’s ban, since it’d only have every student read it asap.

They see this to be true, since they keep overhearing students talk about it, Harry even getting points back for Gryffindor, teachers showing their support in varying fashion, Seamus and Cho even coming around, Luna learning her father had to make a reprint for selling out so fast. Later in the evening, Harry dreams of being Voldemort speaking of info Rookwood had acquired. Harry shares this nightmare with Ron and Hermione, she deciding they should ignore it and Harry should focus more on Occlumency. Harry does make headway with Snape after this, he seeing some of his memories for once. They soon interrupted by Trelawney’s screams for having been fired by Umbridge, McGonagall showing empathy and Umbridge challenges on whether Trelawney was allowed to stay by Dumbledore, he having authority on whether a teacher had to leave the grounds, he also already having replaced her with a centaur, Firenze.

Hermione expects Umbridge would be zeroing on Dumbledore for revenge by appointing a half-human professor, their first class being held on the first floor now and the room mirroring the forest. Firenze shares how he’d been kicked out of his herd upon agreeing to teach at Hogwarts. He certainly teaching them how leaving most predictions with a grain of salt was best, since it was difficult practice even for centaurs to be accurate. After class Firenze asks Harry send a cryptic message to Hagrid, which was not explained further other than Hagrid needing sound advice and Firenze receiving help by Hagrid and he wished to keep Hagrid on the right path. Hagrid doesn’t receive the advice open-heartedly though, and Harry bustles along, D.A. meetings keeping his brain occupied, the students starting practice for their patronuses.

Dobby interrupts with the almost too late warning of Umbridge having found out about D.A. and was coming for them, most everyone escaping except Harry, whom gets caught by a jinx from Malfoy, Umbridge taking him to Dumbledore’s office. They find Fudge, Percy, some other fella along with Dumbledore already waiting, Harry denying knowing what was wrong, Umbridge getting their witness, she being Cho’s buddy and showing the signs of the jinx, which prevented her from wanting to speak further. Umbridge soon crosses the line when she attempts to physically force the girl into responding, Dumbledore stopping this hastily. When Umbridge then provides the list of names with the D.A. title, Dumbledore confuses Fudge by offering to confess, and then states Fudge’s plan for him to await trial in Azkaban didn’t suit him, a hex being set on the 4 Ministry employees, and Dumbledore vowing Fudge would regret ousting him.

Notice of Umbridge taking over for Dumbledore was quite immediate, the students learning more than Harry expected, and Malfoy being promoted to a side project of Umbridge’s so he could take points from students. The twins turn up to confide of giving Umbridge a reason to expel them, not worrying anymore and wanting to give Umbridge a run, for Dumbledore’s sake. Harry is escorted by Filch directly after this, to Umbridge, whom required his presence and attempt to secretly have him drink a truth magic drink, she asking about Dumbledore and Sirius’ whereabouts, not getting any answers and then being interrupted by an explosion the twins had been warning Harry about. When Harry sees the sparkly mess the twins had created, it was impressive as it gained energy, not dying out past night. As he retreats, he discovers the twins hiding spot, the 2 quietly in hysterics as they shared what would occur if Umbridge attempted certain spells to make them stop.

Tonight Harry got even closer to Voldemort’s goal of seeing inside the Dept. of Mysteries for a glimpse of the weapon, but this time some late fireworks wake him. His upcoming training with Snape would be extra dreaded, but they end up postponing with Umbridge requesting his help elsewhere by Malfoy, whom was sure to spread the word of Harry’s remedial course. Before biffing off himself, however he sees Snape had left his Pensieved memories just hanging out, so thought he’d have a little perusal. What he sees is 15-ish Snape and his pops along with Sirius, Lupin, and Wormtail taking their Defense O.W.L.s. Harry witnesses his father’s bullying arrogance and the early reactions of his mother toward him. Eventually, he is caught in the memory and thrown out forcefully by Snape, not wanting to see him return again, he understanding the bullied Snape’s feelings.

Hermione can’t believe Harry had somehow finished his lessons with Snape for good, but focuses on scheduling their studying for the O.W.L.s. Harry can’t help, but be absorbed with the thought of his parents personalities and how this memory was affecting his non-memories of his most prized family members. Ginny helps him out by getting the twins on the case for diversion, so Harry would be able to use Umbridge’s office fire to speak to Sirius about his troubled thoughts regarding his father. His first Potions back with Snape was unusually and pleasantly quiet, until Snape breaks his classwork so as to continue his zeroes. When he has his occupational and coursework discussion later with McGonagall and Umbridge sitting in, the two argue about Harry’s chances on becoming an Auror and then McGonagall straight up offering to tutor him through if it was truly his dream, despite Umbridge’s every attempt at shutting this path down.

Before having him sit through more of Umbridge’s nonsense, she allows Harry to conclude and leave as the 2 yell at each other. Harry truly struggles whether he still wanted to continue the plan, deciding he couldn’t pass up a good diversion and proceeding to Umbridge’s office, invisible cloak and pick-locking knife ready. As he has this conversation via floo with Sirius and Lupin, he isn’t calmed by the information they give him, one being to continue Occlumency at any cost. He scurries to get to his invisible cloak again before Filch walks in. Harry leaves after him and witnesses the best school quitting to get out of punishment performance, ever by the twins. They had students tumultuously cheering at the end, the students from then on making the moment the stuff of legend, and becoming troublemakers, themselves and exacting revenge on Umbridge daily. Ron is currently concerned about his mother being outraged he hadn’t stopped them, but Hermione considers how long they must’ve been planning it if they already had a physical address for their shop.

Harry confesses he’d given the twins the money, Hermione soon reminded to ask if Harry had inquired about his training to Snape, he not glad of having shared this information from Sirius’ chat. (These periodic grammatical nonsensical sentences are hard to ignore, esp. when not much is driving this humungo story, other than narrative statements and updates of what’s happened.) Meanwhile, Ron has Quidditch to ‘look forward to’ and during the game, Hagrid steals Harry and Hermione to accompany him into the forest, they learning a bit more about what happened to Firenze and Hagrid’s falling out with the centaurs. This long trip into the forest though, had to do with Hagrid sensing his dismissal coming and he having to take care of Grawp, his half bro, whom wasn’t quite friendly. What he’d want from Hermione, Harry, and if Ron agreed, was to only chat with him, get him used to English society. As they’re about to leave, a bunch of centaurs interrupt. This interaction proves intimidating further to the 2 kids, whilst Hagrid makes note of the centaurs not hurting children. This isn’t a comfort to them, and they decide to save telling Ron, since Gryffindor finally won a Quidditch since he’d joined.

When Ron is told of Grawp, he only hopes (NOT against bloody hope, the dumbest Bible reference, ever) Hagrid sticks it out til summer vacay. When O.W.L.s weeks arrive, everyone becomes frenetic, focused, and quieter, Harry seeing the exam set up to be the same as the one witnessed in Snape’s memory. All 3 take their first week of exams well enough, esp. Harry in Defense, getting a bonus point for his patronus. Harry’s astronomy exam is punctuated by his noticing Hagrid being visited and eventually fighting against Umbridge and a few Ministry workers, they stunning Fang and McGonagall, before Hagrid concusses all but one and Umbridge. During the final exam for history, Harry struggles to remember what he’d studied, he soon dreaming of the door and upon seeing a conversation between Voldemort and Sirius, wakes by falling out of his chair.

Harry is soon absorbing whom he’d be able to share his vision with, since McGonagall had been sent to hospital, he settling on relaying his vision to his buddies, they not as ready as he is to jump after Voldemort to save Sirius. Hermione however, receives the brunt of his fuming anger, since she was attempting to make sense of what Harry saw, he becoming louder and more frustrated as they continued until Ginny and Luna come in to offer to help. This gives Hermione the momentum to have Harry at least chill the fuck out until they confirmed Sirius wasn’t at home, Kreacher giving away the information after some slight withholding, then Harry’s caught by Umbridge. When Snape’s called in to help have Harry reveal why he’d been there, Harry takes a chance by yelling a veiled message to him. To save time before Umbridge hit Harry with a curse and after she’d confessed to sending the dementors, Hermione fake breaks down, in preparation to share what Harry’d been doing, Umbridge eating it up. By the end, Hermione had convinced her they had been wanting to contact Dumbledore to confirm the finishing of a weapon, she having Hermione and Harry lead her as Malfoy and some Slytherins held Ron, Ginny, Luna, and Neville in her office.

Hermione leads them outside, Umbridge nervous when she shares it was in the Forbidden Forest, she leading them down a different path than the one to Grawp, they eventually stopped by centaurs, Umbridge making an arrogant dumb ass out of herself, she retaliating by binding one of the centaurs after a warning arrow flies past her head. She’s soon restrained and taken away further into the forest, Harry and Hermione still in trouble with the 50 strong centaurs, being interrupted by Grawp before they’d decided what to do with them. He apparently was out looking for big brah and in his attempt to pick up someone or other, the centaurs attack him for having knocked one of them down, he chasing them further in, and the 2 soon joined by the other captured kids, everyone arguing on who would accompany Harry, the thestrals soon making it easy for all of them to ditch, Harry annoyed, but wanting to biff off already.

They all arrive quickly and wearily, they getting their visitor badges no problem and without seeing anyone, including security, they proceed to the Dept. of Mysteries. After some time looking for the right door, they don’t discover Sirius, but do detect a jar with Harry’s name labeling it, Lucius soon having him pass it to him. More Death Eaters surround them, Lestrange taunting him as Malfoy continues to demand for the prophecy Harry held. He hoped the others were coming up with a solid plan, since all he had was killing time. Soon, though he helped relay to Hermione to have them all smash shelves as he continued talking with Malfoy, he learned his prophecy had the answer to why he’d been scarred. They take their chance, losing half their party on the way to the 2nd room, Harry, Hermione, and Neville fighting some Death Eaters. They soon do worse and it’s down to Neville being tortured and Harry wasting more time until Sirius and the group of 4 from the Order show up to help. By the end of it, Dumbledore had appeared, but not in time to save Sirius from falling through the veiled archway after being hit with a spell.

Harry is at first in denial, then upon seeing Lestrange attempt escape, follows her and has a one on one until Voldemort turns up, he ready to kill Harry, but Dumbledore protecting him and fighting the 2. Which upon Harry collapsing with scar pain, Voldemort and Lestrange escape which Fudge sees and can no longer deny. Dumbledore then begins giving instructions as to how Fudge shall proceed, he regaining his headmaster-ship. Harry is then sent back to Hogwarts to await everyone’s return by Portkey.

It lands him in Dumbledore’s office which he couldn’t leave, he overcome with having gotten Sirius killed. When Dumbledore arrives, he updates Harry on his buddies temporary condition, as well as Tonks. Harry soon loses his shit though, chucking Dumbledore’s breakables around, he verging on threatening Dumbledore, whom refused to let him leave, he wanting to confess why it was actually mostly his own fault Sirius was dead. This revelation stops Harry, Dumbledore starting again with Harry’s scar, but regarding why he’d been ignoring him was to calm the beast, so to speak, Voldemort possibly possessing Harry to get to him, or like in the Ministry of Magic, see if he’d kill Harry to get to Voldemort.

He goes on to confide how Kreacher had been able to lie to Harry about Sirius, and had revealed everything to Dumbledore, since it was a direct order, but also by truth jinx or whatever. He also regards Snape’s choices and how he’d actually helped, Harry not caring much, Dumbledore taking responsibility for not doing more with Harry’s training. After, he reveals a piece which he’d kept from Harry for 5 years, this stemming from the ancient protection charm his mother gave him through their shared blood, which was locked when her sister had taken him in. Dumbledore recaps his feeling to reveal the truth through each year Harry’d been at Hogwarts and eventually comes upon the weapon being the knowledge of how to kill Harry (which isn’t revealed), this within the prophecy (not) and the prophecy given by Trelawney. Harry soon also absorbs how someday, one or the other would have to die before the other could live, Dumbledore confessing his reason for not choosing him as prefect being due to the loads of responsibility Harry already bore.

Fudge gives the press update on the Ministry’s opinion of Voldemort being the correct one, now. Umbridge is rescued by Dumbledore, somehow unscathed, but she was quite shell-shock, clopping noises putting her on edge. Harry refrains from sharing the prophecy with Hermione and Ron, currently still on bed-rest and is waylaid from seeing Hagrid by the Malfoy trio, they interrupted by Snape, whom he loathed worse now. McGonagall interrupts by giving all the students at the Ministry of Magic points, so Snape could withdraw his measly 10 for almost cursing Malfoy, Harry then continuing to Hagrid’s, but soon leaves when he brings up Sirius.

Umbridge leaves the day before school ends and Harry opens the package Sirius gave him in case he wanted to talk. It didn’t work of course, it being like a telephone, Harry then getting no good answers from Nearly Headless Nick in regards to coming back after death, either. Also, even though he now knows why he must spend time at the Dursleys, it didn’t make the going there any easier. Cho had moved on with Ginny’s ex, she now dating Dean Thomas, this news not treating Ron any better than the first. The D.A. curse the shit out of Malfoy and his goons when they were readying to attack Harry on his way back to his carriage, the 3 remaining oozy messes. When the kids go through the station barrier, they’re greeted by some of the Order, who had the idea of speaking to the Dursleys before Harry began summer vacay with them to make sure they understood, they wouldn’t tolerate any misconduct against Harry, he not knowing how to thank them, so simply allows for all to bid him farewell til mid-end of summer.

The most uneventful, but easy read of a thick-ass book. I know I won’t be a re-reader, like so many others, but I’m glad to be finishing this series, since I’ve gotten through the movies a couple times and I still enjoy seeing the, hopefully fleshed out version in book form. This doesn’t particularly include this story, only because it meandered, which is great for beach reading, but only one spot near-ish to the end of the book being exciting; I referring to the Dept. of Mysteries fight against the Death Eaters. I am most definitely looking forward to the next, more slim book in the series.