Creepy Susie and 13 Other Tragic Tales for Troubled Children

The first story starts with Helga believing she fits into society and being a source of entertainment for the Debbies which made Helga want to get even with them whilst the Debbies wanted to quash any hope Helga had of believing she could coexist socially with others. Meanwhile Helga goes incognito to learn more about the Debbies habits, interests and whatnot, they soon deciding to have a sleepover and Helga eating all their pizza crusts, in the same night snipping their heads off as they slept.

We then move on to ‘Stupid Betsy’ who did ridiculously dumb acts for no apparent reason, her mother then needing to get her to the hospital to have the items stowed away in her body, removed. We then get a plot twist, being told as much and how it didn’t change how stupid Betsy was, the ending of which is final and her mother being indifferent to the outcome.

We’re then introduced to a boy from Nantucket called Waldo and his sausage dog, Bean. When Waldo excitedly shows his mother what Bean had done, his Mother doesn’t appreciate it the same way he does, due to her drunkenness and it not being impressive, disposing of the dog and making herself sick.

Next on the docket is Little Scooter who had an irresistible head which left him with a “loose brain” which he couldn’t be cured of and getting the medical opinion with the finality one would not be able to come back from easily and still had the same effect on people to harass the little guy.

Little Sammy is then introduced as being happy to a default which he had to be cured of, leaving him normal.

We then meet Milo who sees reality in a different light which permeated his every thought and action, but was cured with the same treatment as Little Sammy also including the same “happy” ending.

The namesake of the collection is then shown, Creepy Susie having odd collection habits and weird objects making her smile; her family was “normal”, if not quirky. One day a boy starts crushing on her, she not knowing how to handle his feelings, even though she had similar feelings for him she didn’t understand and when she tried to do research, romance novel-style, she had an adverse reaction which didn’t work out for her. She decides to ask a three-times-great-grandmother for advice which also didn’t give much solace, so Susie comes up with her own way of dealing with her issue, making her smile and leaving her with two ways which could do the job.

We next visit Emily Amputee who has a short and sweet explanation as to how she lost her limb.

Narcoleptic Scottie was a shorty who had odd dreams and hated his lot in life as a dog, realizing it to be an inelegant existence and preferred dreaming. He began sleeping so much though, the same fate occurred to Sammie as a man from a story called, The Handler, from Bradbury Stories, unfortunately for him.

Sibling Rivalry shows Tommy and Patty being evil toward each other for not liking the other, their terrible pranks become so torturous and traumatizing one of them commits murder.

We then see Rosie’s crazy mother who would go around topless and shaved their cats and proceeded to gluing long-haired classic singers onto them. Her mother’s habits began to worry her early on in life and made her wonder if she’d have the same fate, which we are privy to by the outcome.

We are then shown Siamese quadruplets three of which are named Jenny, the other Babette and how they were such a spectacle, none of the “normal” or deformed children would play with them and their father being intimidated by them and their mother believing them to be an arachnid, so they go off in search of a conventional life. They get a job and vehicle, even getting illegally married and after some time passed, they journey back to their old locale incognito and we see an unfortunate outcome for their parents.

We are introduced to Dick and Muffy after, they playing with each other nicely and having a farm-saturated life-style, we then getting images of them displaying funny, dirty jokes until Dick disappears inexplicably — unless it had something to do with the exploding champagne bottle.

Mary’s chainsaw is in a rhyme which matches Mary had a Little Lamb and left Mary as a butch adult.

These were quite entertaining and I’d gladly read more by Angus Oblong having been a fan of the show The Oblongs and the two being very similar, if for the show being a bit watered down for children viewership, his author’s description concluding the book reminding me of The Dark Backward, with Judd Nelson (also entertaining).

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Adventure Time Summer Special

The Summer Special starts with Finn and Jake lost in the desert with Jake believing Finn is reading the map wrong, but Finn claims otherwise and so points the right direction and Jake slings him in the direction of a cave, where a Troll Guardian is standing outside. They realize it’s the right place, but they can’t pay the toll so are turned away. They decide to put up a lemonade stand for travelers to raise money, but their lemonade was not of a cool temperature and so money was returned soon after raising it. The Ice King shows up asking for lemonade, but Finn and Jake refuse to sell to him and in anger the Ice King freezes the stand for being denied the lemonade, which then Finn realizes their efforts have been turned into icy pops, ending up with them selling and so don’t even need the treasure for cashing in with the pops they sold. The next story starts with Jake frying some eggs and singing a song about it. Then he sees a pigeon near him, which Finn explains he found in an unlikely spot in his unmentionables. Jake asks why he’s holding the bird with tongs which is explained with the facts of the creature possibly being diseased. Finn figured the bird could stay a couple days, roommate-style, since the little guy wouldn’t leave.

After a couple of weeks, some of their articles have been going missing, Finn not having his pants handy and Jake bereft of his teapot. They they see the bird is using their belongings as bathing material and isn’t helping around the house either, which spurs Finn into deciding the bird should go. The bird then speaks, to their surprise, but turns into something un-bird-like, at the same time. Jake figures out the creatures origin and Finn begins fighting it, but Jake informs him the only way to beat it is through a voting system, which the creature had to obey, getting him to leave. This was also a good mini-story. The next one starts with Marceline reading and notices PB walking by. Curious, she follows her not making herself known. She follows PB to a crystal-heart tree hidden through a cave, for an experiment. PB tries to snap one off, but in her efforts, Marceline gets some entertainment from her failure.

PB then sleeps over for another try later. Whilst she sleeps, Marceline successfully gets one of the tree limbs broken off and leaves it next to her, then leaving, her job complete. Which was a sweet one in its simplicity. The next story is a Fionna and Cake mini, starting with Fionna kicking debris off of the dirty yard as Mr. Stumps complains about its mess. Cake claims she can clean it up and proceeds to eat the mess up, with Mr. Stumps in agreement to it’s cleanliness afterwards, awarding them some cash. Fionna plans on using the money to attend a Heroes and Adventurers Caucus for souvenirs, but then the money bursts into flames. She runs quickly to get her ticket, but then is shown a sign which excludes her from attending, this doesn’t stop her from trying though and so disguises herself into looking like Finn; I won’t even go into the ending, but it was cute as Bonkers. I’ll be happy to start the Fionna and Cake series.

Adventure Time Annual Issue #1

The annual issue starts with an alphabetical rhyme which take Finn and Jake through different parts of Ooo and end up at a radio station. It was a quick and fun read. The next story is with Finn and Jake playing a game called Cave of the Game-Sword. Finn gets through and sees the sword, when he reaches it, it says he’s won the game. Then it tries to get Finn to make the sword his best bud and to forget BMO and Jake, which totally ruins the win and he goes back to Jake to inform him of what he thought of it. The next story is a rap-style story of Finn and Jake going to a party and how Jake is almost carded, for being a dog, but it ends positively. The next story starts with the Ice King and Gunter doing a D&D-like quest. Finn and Jake are the bad guys in this one and Ice King tries to defeat them with his penguins. When he succeeds, Gunter takes the glory and the Ice King shouts of betrayal. Ice King is properly prickled by this and Gunter stays victorious. The next story starts with Jake being a musician and then zombies begin to attack, when he’s woken by Finn with a poke to the ear. The goal for today is to climb the tallest mountain in Ooo, but Finn gets tired before even starting and then a cloud which seemingly turned his back-pack into a life-form, asks if he would rather be carried. Jake asks why he’d want to do this and the knapsack says it’s to return the favor.

After making some headway, soon they run into ski ninjas fighting surf samurai’s for some reason on the mountain, which Finn doesn’t get to see for being attached like a backpack to his backpack. Jake doesn’t help the matter by divulging of it’s once in a lifetime awesomeness. Then they move on to witness Yeti congressmen having a meeting and Finn is having a conniption for not being able to see anything still. After an avalanche comes down whilst a goat-cheese race was in progress, so it took Jake a bit longer than normal to dig Finn out for eating cheese, as well. When they reach the summit, Finn is so mad at not having seen anything the whole trip, he whacks the sack with his stick of forgetfulness and also gets a swing at Jake too. The next time Jake wakes up Finn has planned to climb up the mountain again, but his idea is spoiled by his beanie trying to eat his face; an exceedingly good story. The next story begins with Lemongrab going to the beach, catches a lemonopus and makes lemon pie. There are more animals who get turned into snacks as we go through the story and then Finn and Jake show up, Finn getting a bit defensive to what they’re doing to the wild-life, but once seeing lemonade, joins their picnic. Funny, but disturbing.

Adventure Time Issue #’s 15-18

For the first fourteen issues.

  • Issue # 15 starts with Finn using Jake-suit mode to defend citizens of Ooo from Magic Man, who is the only one who can’t be hurt by magic, of course. We then go back in time 15 minutes and see Princess Bubblegum is having a tea party. Then Lump Princess goes off on one of her long story tangents and everyone gets a bit annoyed at her continual talking of inconsequential subject matter. Then Magic Man shows up, responding to the last question Lump Princess posits, with Princess Bubblegum calling him out and wanting to know his reasons for crashing her party. When Magic Man starts messing up the party, we see Finn and Jake seated on a hill overlooking the party and Finn wishing he could go, Jake reminding him it was for princesses only. Soon they’re talking randomness as usual and then some specifically named elephants appear. Jake is the first to notice there’s something wrong happening at the tea party and points it out to Finn. Finn then gets Jake to suit him as they do, for the second time whilst Magic Man is setting the “room” on fire, with puns. A water-filled princess washes the burning princesses and Lump Princess is freaking out. The Magic Man is about to take away Lump Princess’ voice when Finn in Jake-suit jumps in to intervene. Finn and Jake fake Lump Princess out by playing dead for a moment when they save her from getting hit by the magic blast, then they realize the magic had affected them after PB asks them if they saw where Magic Man had gone. PB figures out they do still have a way of communicating through pictures and Lump Princess is affected by it’s beauty. PB decides the boys can’t do anything more for now but wait for the princesses to devise a plan, sending them home until being sent for. Finn and Jake aren’t happy about this of course, but they converse pictorially of all the different ways they wished the Magic Man could be dealt with. BMO walks up thinking Finn and Jake are doing emoticons, joining them since announcing his professional abilities in the field. Once going inside, they soon start “talking” of food and once making their “sammitches”, BMO joins them with their meal and confides how eating will make him strong, Finn giving him a thumb-up thought cloud, which I deduced as “awesome”. After, Finn and Jake go back outside and begin practicing what they’d do to the Magic Man with a stuffed dummy which looks similar. After disagreeing over Finn’s fighting skills, he shows Jake what he would do, but the dummy fights back, knocking Finn in the gob. Soon, Finn figures neither of them would be able to take out Magic Man one-on-one, but together, are unstoppable. BMO starts speaking when they were all jumping and saying Adventure Time in signs, he then thinking he broke the no-speaking rule, being horrified. BMO gets the call from PB they’re ready to reconvene and soon is asking Finn again if he knows where Magic Man is hiding, he showing her a map in his pictorial speak. When they get to the Magic Man’s house, they mistakenly go over the plan outside his door, he overhearing it and deciding he won’t give Finn and Jake their voices back, but Lump Princess comes up with another plan and they walk off to discuss it out of earshot. PB approaches with the other princesses, heavily armed and threatening to fire on him unless he gives Finn and Jake their voices back, but Magic Man uses another spell to turn what they’re holding into slithery awesomeness, but in the end Magic Man gives their voices back because another princess punches holes in his roof and he’d gone through a lot already to design his home how he pleased. The story ends in an upbeat way, everyone going back to PB’s for snacks. The next story starts late at night and Finn and Jake are about to go to sleep, it being one of their busiest days, but “rocked it” and know the next day will probably be the same. Then Jake shows some love after lights out, in a not overly weird way. The next story starts with Finn and Jake questing to save BMO. PB soon reveals she may have caused BMO’s defense-mode to turn on for an innocent reason in relation to the party they were going to have later. PB also adds she has a plan to fix the problem, but not without some damage done to BMO’s memory files. Jake wants to save his files for personal reasons, but they try PB’s plan anyways and they catch BMO as he falls, Jake asking his important question involving his selfish reason for keeping BMO’s memory files intact, upset with the answer BMO gives him. This ending the issue, these being as entertaining as ever.
  • The 16th issue begins with Finn, Jake, and the Ice King facing off in large “war” suits, Jake being Finn’s and an Ice penguin being Ice King’s, in order to save Lump Princess from Ice prison. The awesome duo smash LSP out of her ice jail when Finn, Jake and the Ice King fall down a crumbling hole in the ground, Finn wondering why Ice King fell, for his ability to fly; it being simple enough to explain since he thought they wanted him along for bonding purposes. The Ice King then realizes he may have built the place they’ve fallen into with another guy, whom Finn recognizes and the Ice King then launches into his back-story; which he doesn’t remember the most of other than it was “good times” and then informing the boys it was a dungeon for ultimate heroes to try and get through, with prizes at the end, getting Finn and Jake totally ready to check the place out. Then the Ice King offers his help to get through it, but Finn points out how he isn’t a hero, but the Ice King believing otherwise and when Jake asks how he believes he’s hero material, the Ice King launches into the idea of how he isn’t “kidnapping princesses”, but rescuing them. The Ice King is so good at embroidering a tapestry of heroic-ness and making Finn and Jake feel badly for having messed up his plans all the time, they agree to teaming up so Finn can do what he was born for. They start walking and Finn finally has a chance to use some items he carries in his back-pack, when they reach the Ice King’s Hall of Just Ice. When Jake opens the door, they fight and easily win an ice sculpture monster. Then they have to fight some eyeballs, after which the Ice Queen is defeated by Ice King, with only a little stick figure creature to escape after years of being a part of the Ice Queen. Then the Ice King bring them down again with talks of not being able to remember things from his past, but distracts them with looking through the Ice floor for treasure, not seeing anything. Finn then sees a huge monster and we end there until the next issue. The next story starts with PB having nothing to do on opposite day, which should mean she should be totes busy, but isn’t so far. Then she gets a bit existential before the Ice King pops up and demands she be his bride; and she agrees! He’s so surprised, he continues to be sure she’s sure and then whisks her off to his Ice palace. PB then is shown on a throne deciding what she wants at the wedding. They make it as far as the vows, but the wedding is started so late, PB is able to take back her agreement as the clock strikes the allotted time. The author of the previous totally gave PB a persona which is nothing like how she is, but the story moved along alright. I’m hoping the next one’s better, though. It begins with Finn and Jake being surrounded by ninjas and taken to Ninja Island where they’re told how the Ninja princess has been kidnapped by the Ice King. They’re given a Ninja Fire manual and go after Ice King, who, once found, kicks the boys butts. Finn and Jake think they’ve found the Ninja princess, but it turns out to be Gunter. They learn that the Ninja princess had escaped long ago and was unnoticed by her people due to her awesome ninja skills. A weird and pointless, but pretty good mini.
  • The 17th issue we see Finn still didn’t actually see the monster whom dwells under the ice, so Ice King uses his ice powers and looks for compliments which aren’t forthcoming due to his consistently using them. Finn still doesn’t see anything below and they begin walking away, when the monster finally pops up. We see the moniker she is given, comic book-style and then as Finn and Jake fall, Finn comes up with a comfy idea for landing which Jake is in agreement upon; a pretty funny way, considering. They then are ready to fight the monster, but Finn is surprised to discover a chainsaw arm on the beast, which the Ice King believes should have been a normal possibility, but he saves Finn from becoming sushi himself. Unfortunately for Finn, he gets covered in fish guts twice, which he finds upsetting, of course, but Jake reminds him of how his horoscope somehow predicted the happenings. They explore underwater in a usual way and uncover a chest. When they open it, the Ice King pulls out a photo of what must be himself and a lady, which to him was great treasure, but to Finn, was a disappointment. The Ice King then informs them the next dungeon which will be coming up, which Finn is excited to see since it’s Marceline’s dad’s design. Jake does the honor of opening the door to detect Peppermint Butler inside, who has apparently been changed in some way, climbing the walls away from them, but the boys aren’t surprised by how Pep-Butts seems to get himself into this kind of situation. He’d started writing a message on a stone which the trio then decide to finish, adding their own style to the dark message. Then they travel through a corridor which closes up behind them, Finn and Jake complimenting the style so much Ice King feels a bit put down by their being underwhelmed by his dungeon. Even more so when they run into the first monster, impressed with its hardcore-ness. So far the two “monsters” they defeat, are both vulture in nature, but in different styles. Finn gets the feeling the dungeon might be too easy again, but Jake feels he’s earning the prize when a giant fist from the wall punches him in the face. Which is the beginning of the “boss” monster which knocks out the Ice King, so Finn and Jake begin fighting it, but then Jake gets taken out of the fight. Finn gets mad and takes off his beanie to get down to business, which we don’t distinguish the details of until the next issue. The scene after beginning with a recap of the picture of the Ice King and an extension to the message on the back of the frame. The next story starts with Finn and Jake visiting PB’s lab, she wanting to ask a favor. She then shows them her silly-string theory device and how she is unsure of the results, which of course fascinate the boys. She asks them to guard the machine whilst she looks up some facts in her library, not wanting sabotage before the science conference. They of course accept, with funny one-liners to boot. Finn becomes hungry and Jake suggests noshing on the string theory experiment, which doesn’t take much convincing with the possibility of helping PB’s experiment along, but upon blowing a bubble, Finn has changed the innards of the silly string to a universal degree. Jake begins seeing the innards of the bubble becoming populated, when an evil princess smashes through the wall and threatens to mess PB’s equipment up, starting with the Bubbleverse. Jake decides to look for help in the Bubbleverse whilst Finn tries to use the weeping blade to defend the orb attached to his face. Then the evil princess gets schooled by her mama, which Finn realizes Jake was actually a Yermamasaurus from inside the Bubbleverse which can shape-shift. The Yermamasaurus also shares with Finn about how he can get the Bubbleverse off his mouth area by doing a Peter Pan, the fairy part, anyways and the Bubbleverse changes; this was an entertaining one.
  • Issue 18 shows us what Finn had in mind to stop the big ‘ole monster whom popped up in the last issue. His plan is to slice off parts of the monster, which doesn’t do much since it can regenerate limbs. Finn resorts to picking up the guys and trying to wake them up so they can help him, since he seems to be out of ideas. Finn’s recourse is to using the Ice King’s powers since he realizes he can move him to freeze objects. Finn is then able to revive the Ice King after he freezes the monster, focusing reviving Jake after taking a ribbing when he’s unable to speak for being lip-locked with Jake in the kiss-of-life. After the monster is destroyed, they expose the treasure which was inside its body, which also didn’t impress them, identifying a strange exit from the dungeon, or possibly an entrance to “Skullberg”, as Finn supposes. The Ice King then sets him straight, letting them know it was the entrance to another guy’s dungeon, with the name of, Lich Land. Finn wants to rid it of it’s evil connection to the Lich, but Ice King advises against it, the boys set on going now. When they enter, Finn is decidedly changed and Jake has some worrying alterations, as well. Jake sniffs out a remnant of the Lich and after destroying it, being evolved into a helmet. Then we see Finn and Jake, again looking different and believing they’ve been taken back home. We then see Finn has Jake’s powers and instead of going back through the door yet, they decide to go after the Lich. Finn uses his Jake powers and it’s well taken care of without either of them going far. Then we see where Ice King ends up, which is into a room and his old flame is bound to a wall. He’s able to release her easily enough and then we see what’s actually going on, the boys didn’t seem to go anywhere, but other things were coming in, with them all hallucinating something else. Which will be ended in the next issue. The next story starts with Finn and Jake spying on something and how uneventful it can be, since it’s usually the waiting game. Then they see some why-wolves and decide to stop them from turning PB into one of them. They stop them and confess to PB of their counter-espionage, then getting the why-wolves side of the story. It’s much more scientific than Finn had expected. The boys are still suspicious though, so even though they’re conducting experimental research and then go to a conference, once denied entry they watch from outside what’s happening within. It ended with a total criss-cross espionage resulting in a surprise ending. Quite entertaining. Here’s the Summer Special.

The Tin Drum

I got this edition from the library so I only decided to read the first story, The Tin Drum and the third, but due to the due date and subsequent move out of the city of “Hell’s” Angels, I’ll have to wait to continue to the third. This story, however starts with Oskar, who’s interested in writing his thoughts down on paper and resides in a mental institution. He has periodic visitors, among them a lawyer and Bruno whom he refers to as his keeper; the latter brings him reams of “virgin” paper whenever he runs out. He then begins to share a story about his grandmother, which is when it feels like the story truly begins. (This is also where I’m noticing if I continue to read German novels it might be in my interest to look for the Polish authors, since so far I’m distinguishing this text more easily read and less depressing than more Germanic writers are. I also learned this is where Alice Cooper got his inspiration for his out-of-school song. It’s so blatantly similar I was surprised to recognize it so nonchalantly mentioned near the beginning of the book.) Oskar is precocious and quick for his age, which is shown throughout; it’s mentioned he’s a Virgo and shows the personality traits of one, also with the large ego of being even more clever than everyone around him, he plays dumb so a neighbor will teach him to read (since he blew his one and only chance to be taught at school; ignorant rigidity of the teachers of the era).

Once truly in the story, it’s easy to delve into Grass’ world; or so I believed, soon changed. Oskar starts to become something of a super-hero with his precision glass cutting scream with a side of mischief making and also with his drum sabotaging anything instrument-related he discovers within stomping distance, but there’s bits which are quite dull to get through and I identify myself plodding difficultly. Although after a rough patch, I read an article which made me stick with it. I’ve now made the connection between Grass and John Irving. They’re both clinical in their descriptions at times, sexual in a backward interest topic, and extremely vivid. (It’s also quite like a reverse Benjamin Button, but only if I want to stretch the analogy as far as it can go. But once I plodded ever vigilant to getting finished with this book, I realized how obsessed Oskar was with his mother; it was a nice realization once it dawned on me, which made him protective of her. Although once I was 124 page’s deep, it made perfect sense why he would be allowed this odd relationship with her, since he ended up suffering far more due to the unfortunate circumstances which occur to them).

Oskar befriends Herbert Truczinski when he is around 14 because Herbert has a plentiful amount of scars with “back” stories; Ha-ha. He is an old friend who influenced Oskar. (Later on Oskar’s Western Astrological sign is mentioned yet again, for personality quirk purposes, I suppose.) It describes, in some detail, many streets and stores in the city, and then gets much more interesting. He convinces Herbert Truczinski to buy him a ticket to accompany him, since Oskar still looked so young he was able to get in for the kid’s price. The only problem and good thing about this book, is it’s detailed structuring. (Sometimes it’s wonderful, other times it drags on and I need frequent breaks. This is like the German Les Miserables. And I believe I enjoyed Hugo over this by a bit. And then it shifts again and I realize I’m enjoying the story.) It is a book with waves of good and tired bits.

Oskar then discloses of keeping a book of all his drums and their “careers” since 1949 (the list-taking is a Virgo thing for sure, I can relate, and know many who do, as well.) Oskar also deals with a point where he had to question who his father was. Which was entertaining to figure out. (This is also the only book I’ve read so far which could make a card game called skat, let alone any card game, sound exciting and maintain it’s feel of camaraderie. I’m also realizing I’m relating to Oskar having to begrudgingly take command of the situation whilst under the stress of being bombed and keeping up a game of skat with his Uncle/Father and dying postal worker and staying calm and keeping Jan focused and the postal worker moving so he doesn’t literally lay down and die.) The end of the story is a grim one, but fascinating none-the-less.

Then, once I start thinking this is beginning to sound Don Quixote-like, lo and behold, he’s referenced not too long after my thought. Also Maria sure does become a good friend to him in the way of drums for awhile. Which was satisfying in a small way, but then to learn she eventually becomes Oskar’s first love when he’s almost 16 feels awkward, but doesn’t linger; instead, it’s more embarrassing for Oskar, since he allows himself to be treated like a small child still, but doesn’t consider changing since he knows how to work adults more easily in his current state. (Due to many of the course sexual references, I keep wondering why I’m continuing the story: it’s well written, descriptive, imaginative, also Grass shares a birthday with Oscar Wilde, which I believe foretelling since I read Wilde’s complete works and it may be the qualities which are helping me stick with this: those being listed above.) Although, Oskar’s introduction to oral is quite surprising and amusing, but also odd since the reader has to catch the metaphor. Any 15-year-old would hate to remember or at least truthfully divulge a story like this, but he does “get lucky” in a lucky way.

Grass, through Oskar also makes known something which should become a more known disgust if not fret of men. Oskar says at one point he despises how his downstairs takes over at the most bewildering of times, with no rhyme or reason. There are also many strange and sexually ambiguous characters whom are thoroughly explored. Some are more fascinating and easier to read than others, but they are all well-written and the ones who emote a sense of respect towards one another and pure friendships bloom because they are good, but some are troubled more than others, as well. Oskar becomes more desperate after meeting Maria and she becomes a more constant presence in his life, until she decides a different path and he’s surprised by what she does and doesn’t do in this time in their lives apart. Oskar has some strange fantasies about his family revolving around his grandmother’s skirts. Oskar gains a crew when he is followed and then shows them his breaking windows talent. The leader takes him in as one of them, begrudgingly, and Oskar takes the opportunity to make himself seem beatific by introducing himself to them as Jesus. Oskar then becomes the new leader of the youthful gang and proceeds to get them to implement troublesome plans, which he designated out to his crew as he sits back and hears about the wonderful mayhem. Oskar becomes more egotistical, once Lucy starts ruffling his feathers. He at one point sees himself as a, “human unicorn” and the most important of his group, the Dusters. They certainly do undertake some blasphemous missions which Oskar shows mild guilt at the start of the discussion of his Catholicism, but by this point, he’s obviously reached a new more contemptuous viewpoint of what he feels acceptable sacrilege.

It starts to adopt a dark humor I enjoy, in the church during their prank and how one of the Dusters gives a speech so moving, even Oskar has the desired feeling of soul-saving sermonizing. The next episode of Oskar, preludes us with a story of a young man who climbs a high-jump dive-board at a public pool, to see the view, when his buddies put him on the spot whilst everyone’s attention was already being diverted by his climb, from the start. Oskar introduces his similar story with the Dusters, but for them, it’s Lucy who’s a part of a panel of judges who was to encourage the Duster’s to jump. Then she tries and fails to get Oskar to jump, proving one does not have to be conquered by suggestion. Even when Lucy tries her whispering tactic, “Jump, Sweet Jesus, jump.”, doesn’t work, Oskar makes his way back the way he got there. Matzerath is then approached by a court official mysteriously alluding to getting, “the child off the streets.” Calling him gullible and easily swayed by “bad crowds”, essentially. Lucy does become a thought of dread to Oskar since he doesn’t see her again, so when he hears of unexpected visitors at the mental institution, he fears it’ll be her. Oskar still does utilize his size and his ability to act toddler-like to get him out of trouble, if he can. Even though by this time he should be around eighteen or nineteen years old. (I must remind myself he wouldn’t necessarily have found maturity at his age since he became counter-obsessively using his “baby” act for so long.) Oskar has also kept his respect for Goethe and Rasputin since his first discovering and learning to read by them so long ago. Oskar usually feels the need to show off his talent to those who show talent themselves or to help others through his talent. He liked pretending he didn’t care, out of arrogance and ego, (in line with what I would expect) which doesn’t change through his childhood or young adulthood.

Matzerath’s cellar is shown, along with the rest of the family, plus Oskar to await the invading Russians with devastating results. The next bit gives background on the city name and who pillaged it. It goes on about the history of how battles started and how the people tried to defend their homes. The Russians are still about, so Oskar and the family stay hiding in the cellar, to wait. The man who takes over the grocery story helps the family deal with some hard tasks Lina Greff would have done, if not for her hosting a houseful of Russian soldiers. They move in to Mother Trucszinski’s flat. (Then I learn Matzerath hates margarine as much as I hate it, today!) Similarities throughout the ages. Also something similar is how the newly adult military “kids”, goof off during their tours. These Russians take what now is considered one of the world’s most beloved pastimes and wheeled transportation, free-style bicycling with items taken from homes and jumping ramps off them and using bathtubs, grandfather clocks and radios, among other items, doing stunts. Meanwhile Oskar is studying Fajngold the grocer to see if he can deduce what he’s contemplating. Whilst trying to get where they’re going, they accrue two young Russian cadets with tommy guns to escort them wherever they’re going and they make their unwanted presence known by their obvious clumsy inexperience trying to cover it up with silent, serious exteriors. How serious would you take a sixteen year old? Exactly.

Oskar starts feeling cheated by not having the shop go to him and only having Kurt and Maria to show for his years with his family. Their goal of destination is shared, and they continue on foot due to the obstacles being too large to get to where they needed with whom they had in tow. Kurt doesn’t change, his brandished reckless violence making him easy to see him as an expendable brat. No one is beyond Kurt’s abuse, but in this section, he goes after a caged lovebird. Oskar has come to a life-changing decision near the same time his son, Kurt does. A long coming confession from Oskar regarding the Party pin Matzarath almost got caught having in his possession is also confessed. Oskar’s main memorable moments of Matzarath being about his cooking and nothing so sentimental as his possible paternity. He lets his last Bebra-bought drum symbolize his farewell to Matzarath. Oskar believes the nosebleed which follows is the start of his growth. Shugger confirms this when reacting with fear as Oskar faints out the end of the scene,ths also when Oskar’s height is learned. Also, by this time it’s determine he’s older than 21 and he was only three feet by then. A reiteration of the cemetery and Heilandt’s strange reaction to Oskar’s growth spurt is gone over. He also tries to forgive his son his violent act against him by trying to believe he did it to help him accelerate his growth, so Oskar would finally get some acknowledgement from Kurt he is his father. Doctors also come up with a physical explanation for Oskar’s stop and then spurt of growth later, which Oskar doesn’t believe at all. His thinking was, he had started growing and stopped after, and before the physical “traumas” occurred.

When Oskar becomes ill due to his sudden growth a lady doctor is found, and he appreciates her upfront and terse countenance, which I can relate to, Grass was thorough in at least his astrological and most likely his geographical knowledge. I also learned more about the characters of Rasputin and Goethe both of which I haven’t read or done much research on, but soon enough, I will be. Fajngold realizes his family plus Maria and the children (Oskar included) were infested with lice where the explanation goes on with Oskar feeling more relief whilst his illness when Fajngold disinfected everyone putting him completely at ease. (It then mentions a concentration camp story involving Fajngold, which is engaging, but I’m indifferent to, since I’ve sworn off reading Holocaust related materials due to the overabundance of reading them in school.) Oskar’s illness continues to recede and flare through the spring. Fajngold changes the grocery store’s merchandise and Kurt becomes a prolific salesman at the age of 5. They get a visit from Oskar’s Grandmother where Fajngold and she swap stories. After, Maria decides to go live with her sister. Mr. Fajngold bids them farewell and Oskar uses a way of seeing the world which has become easy to adopt and quite calming to apply: He says, Fajngold waves them goodbye from the train station until he no longer exists. I use the same concept, depending on mental faculties and if the person has done everything in their power to combat it, if they haven’t I don’t consider them “real” and don’t necessarily give them the deserved normal courtesies all “healthy-minded” individuals worked at receiving through normal means.

The next section is told by Oskar’s nurse, Bruno, of when Oskar and family are on the train and it keeps being stopped by gangsters and such and when Oskar showed a picture of his Grandmother, it saves their belongings from being stolen for an odd reason, which is why I bring it up at all. Oskar also attributes his growth, lengthwise and of his, ahem, nethers, were aided by the jiggling and jolting of the tracks, also relieving the constant pain so much growing gives, another funny observation. He also lost the ability of breaking glass with his voice on this trip. After getting Oskar to a hospital, Maria gets him transferred closer to where her sister lives. By the close of this part, Bruno finishes his writing and a full description of Oskar’s person and also a mysterious charge Oskar was put in to the hospital for in the first place, is mentioned finally. Oskar continues saying he doesn’t even bother reading what Bruno wrote. He than says he’s grown another inch and was released from the hospital. He then goes to Maria’s sister Guste’s house to discover Maria dealing black market synthetic honey and Kurt begins a business venture of his own, even having a mysterious source which irritates Oskar for not knowing whom it could be. Oskar reiterates Bruno’s description of himself and what his view is toward himself: handsome, despite his hump which now developed on his back.

Oskar applies an everyday exercise I use, except he conceives it, perhaps more “fun” to label, in this case, happiness according to various types of stone since he was able to acquire a job helping a tombstone engraver, similar to Simon Birch now I think of it. Possible tsk-tsk on John Irving?Anyways, they both get fitted for suits and Oskar pulls off a demonic intellectual look whilst Korneff, his employer, who has boils all over his neck looked quite impressive as well. Oskar was feeling lucky, so he decides to ask Gertrude, a nurse from the hospital he stalks once in a while and they go out to dance. Oskar was going to back out of the date if he could when he realized Gertrude is normal looking outside her uniform, but doesn’t get the chance, so when they get to the dance hall, they wait a bit to get settled and then Oskar asks Gertrude for a dance, which is hesitantly accepted. The completion of the dance has everyone clapping to them and Gertrude becomes embarrassed and excuses herself. The night gets more eventful when he meets two young telephone-operators, one of which asks Oskar to dance. Gertrude isn’t seen again, other than the hospital. Oskar then talks of the headstones he’s carved and where they were put. He witnesses a woman’s exhumation and when he tries to help the diggers (since he had his spade handy) he shovels some of the woman’s corpse fingers and notices their beauty, oddly. Oskar spirals his conversational thoughts to himself until ending up acknowledging he may have hallucinated Lucy Rennwand when he thought he saw her on the train.

Oskar decides to move on from his telephone girls and their connections in favor of taking Maria out and recognizing he’s been responsible for Maria and Kurt’s financial well-being for over a month already and how he was in preference of this, also being told it was partly due to Kurt’s connection drying up. He proposes to Maria and gets strung along until she locates the scissors to finally cut Oskar’s hope of typical family living loose. Oskar mopes about his declined proposal, thinking it would have led to his career as a stonecutter being expanded etc., but because of the plan not working, now he must capitalize off his hump instead. He also spent his time sitting in the park for long periods and letting his appearance go, naturally. On one of his sittings he’s approached by a girl at the behest of her companions to uncover a model to paint. Oskar took to the offer seemingly readily, but he soon realizes being sketched may not mean it coming out flatteringly. He isn’t bother by this for long, since Oskar keeps an aloof exterior, and is soon offered a position to pose nude for the instructor who sketched and molded Oskar’s form in clay. They bonded over their previous careers and Oskar continues to pose for the students on the side. As he advances forth to posing, he becomes something of a hidden gem, until the painters on the floor above discover him and see what the sculptors have been studying and Oskar poses for them also, which seems to satisfy his obsession with wanting his blue eyes to be accounted for, but like the others, the students use blue for most of him, (which reminds me of Sacré Bleu) which describes the reason of some painters obsession and fascination with it.

Oskar decides to join in what is known as carnival week where his costumes makes Kurt laugh so hard he can’t stop coughing. His costume didn’t have the same effect on the carni-revelers, though, but he makes it to the party, where the artists try to sell food and whatnot rather than actually partying. Oskar makes acquaintances with two Chinese lesbians, interestingly and they “make use” of his hump in a way which gives him confirmation of his hump being lucky for women. His companionship with them and the champagne turns him introspective, though and he contemplates the meaning of life. After, he is asked for a cigarette from an old acquaintance, meanwhile being captivated by the soldier acquaintance’s young, drunk date while reminiscing. The girl’s name immediately reminds me of Wonder Boys since they share the name Ulla. Michael Douglas’ character says, “I never forget an Ulla.” Which apparently helped me not to forget either. Oskar decides to help Ulla in her want to becoming an artist which makes Lankes happy. They all retire at Lankes’ place and Oskar gets a chance to be closer to Ulla; the horn dog. When Ulla confesses to them of not wanting to be a muse to artists, but only wanting to “belong” to Lankes, he institutes the usual acceptable response to women in those days and she accepted being a model to the academy, with the help of Oskar. For a “young girl” she is of model-esque height and Oskar and she become the popular duo with the title of Madonna 49, where Oskar poses as a broken Jesus. Maria is upset by the poster which is made of them, but it does get sold for a generous sum and Oskar and Ulla become a popular modeling team. Ulla doesn’t escape Lankes’ wrath, though, since he seemed to be of the malevolent nature he had shown from the start. Oskar also developed these feelings toward Ulla, oddly, but instead of succumbing to assault, he treated her to going out, either to a pastry shop or to buy her small gifts.

One of the artists had a more intimate relationship with Ulla, later described by getting her in a certain position and doing a similar act as those of porn-buffers without having to touch her; ha-HA. Oskar was used to being made to have some object put in his hands to offset Ulla and eventually he brings the one object Oskar had no desire to hold and he says so. Ulla convinces him otherwise, with much distress on Oskar’s side. Maria sees this version of the Madonna 49 and cracks Oskar with his son’s school ruler. She believed it was vulgar and felt above him due to her upstanding position in a delicatessen, she wanting nothing more to do with Oskar. She takes it back, but Oskar didn’t want to continue living with his son and her sister. Maria agreed and offered Oskar to look for a place not far from them, which he seemed to agree to. Oskar stays with the Academy of Arts to be painted and drawn for the winter through the next summer and has no trouble admitting his own foolishness, identifying with Parsifal, a fool also. Besides, he visits Korneff the stone-cutter once again and ends up being offered some part-time work on top of posing as a model due to rent being raised.

After starting a carving and finishing in 3 hours, Oskar’s paid and goes to look at an apartment, which he accepts and learns a nurse, among other tenants share Zeidler’s home. Then sufficient description of the abode and Oskar witnessing a spat between Zeidler and his wife. Zeidler’s outburst resulted in him breaking and cleaning up a glass which made Oskar remember his glass shattering days, minus the clean-up after. Before Oskar takes his leave of them to go to his room he demonstrates some acrobatic moves to show how healthy he is since Zeidler asked how he stayed so small and also about whether he still played the drum attached to his suitcase which he didn’t care whether he did due to his absence from the house on most occasions, which didn’t impress upon Oskar since he played little, if at all. Oskar begins to think of the nurse which he admits is an obsession he can’t and doesn’t want to give up on. Bruno believes only men make proper nurses since they give particular care and sometimes are cured whilst women have the ability to seduce the patient sometimes to recovery and sometimes through “seasoned” erotic death.

Oskar won’t let Bruno’s view mar his of lady nurses though, due to being saved by them every few years. Oskar believed Bruno’s opinion was a professional jealousy. He then lists all the nurses he’s loved and been saved by through the years until the one he’s rooming with is related. He explaining having to take a bus which brings him straight to the stop which picks up nurses and it’s the same as his own and at first he acts with distaste to them, but than hunts them, essentially for their smell coming off the uniforms. He begins noticing them pass him at work which costs him an indiscriminate amount of money. After, Sister Dorothea, the nurse rooming next door begins to catch Oskar’s attention more by her noise of coming and going. He also has a tendency to check the door whenever he hears her and when the mail comes, he would take special interest in what she received. Obsessive little Oskar even has an inventive fantasy involving becoming a physician to be closer to Dorothea. Oskar goes on to say how his whole life wasn’t completely overrun by nurses and how he had to stop inscribing tombstones once the summer semester started at the Art Academy. He teamed up with Ulla once more and they both made good wages from modelling. Lankes has left Ulla to which she easily forgot by immersing herself in the art of Meitel; she believes her relationships will be long-lasting and serious. She did learn one thing stuck from him and their engagement, which was an extended vocabulary which she tested on Oskar, after which another artist began collaborating ideas of Oskar’s which eventually included the addition of a nurse being portrayed by Ulla.

One day though, Oskar tries Dorothea’s door, which is unlocked and he decides a bit of breaking and entering is in order since half the job was already done (her room was unlocked already). The room is described in a dilapidated way and Oskar identifies the smell he’s been noticing is vinegar and then wonders if perhaps she’s been having to use her meager sink to wash her hair with said liquid considering she may not have been able to use the more pleasant accommodations of the hospital bathroom facilities. He then discovers her hair color and she might be losing her hair to which, in his blind love of her, he wants to help her with by supplying her with some hair treatments as soon as he can. Then he takes some of her hair from a comb and stores it in his wallet, removing what was in there to make room. After slight examination of her bed he decides to give in to the temptation of curiosity to look in her cupboard. Oskar deduces even more about Dorothea from the cupboard which fascinated Oskar, making judgments about the articles she did have and the amount of importance she must have had of them. Oskar then becomes intrigued by the type of books she stored in her hat compartment. He wanted so much to become a part of her cupboard area, he moved into an area which fit him perfectly and closed the doors most of the way shut. An item he discovers in the cupboard behind his back brings a reminiscence to him of his mother, Jan Bronski, and Matzerath when he was three. Dorothea’s belt reminded him of an eel from his memory. Oskar’s recollection expands to eclectic thoughts of his mother, which ranged from her singing a particular song to how she would gorge herself on a particular foodstuff until she couldn’t divulge in it any longer, to her graveyard of choice. Then it’s alluded he may have masturbated and smudged the belt to the point of needing to buff it to make it look like it did, before leaving her room. Cheese and crackers, nasty little Oskar.

Oskar becomes quite interested in learning who a Dr. Werner was to Dorothea and searched her books for an inscription or picture and found neither, which pleased him since he seemed to have the upper hand in personal details about Dorothea. Meanwhile another tenant, Mr. Munzer seemed to want to get Oskar’s attention to which Oskar failed to notice nor care due to being consumed with Dorothea, but he did feel a little guilty after, since talk with Mr. Munzer would at least break the lonesome monotony. After a few days past, he continued his modelling with Ulla and they posed as different Greek mythological gods and demigods. Not long after, he was getting the mail and noticed a letter from Dr. Werner and Mrs. Zeidler set it at her door and Oskar bided his time calmly and then boiled some water to steam the letter into opening, the little blighter. He learned Dr. Werner did have feelings for Dorothea even though his letter was extremely conservative in intimate details. When finished he reseals it and leaves the letter where he found it, then hears Mr. Munzer speaking to him from the other end of the hall asking for water. Oskar makes an excuse for himself to comply with the request since he didn’t think it right to do it because he asked unless he were ill. Mr. Munzer or Klepp as Oskar began to know him as, had such a pungent aroma, from his first moment well into the times he would come to visit Oskar in the hospital which Bruno would open every available window once he left (similar to a character in Kingdom, another Stephen Fry TV show). Klepp, at the time of his bedridden-ness had taken to pissing in empty beer bottles; his living in filth is quite extensive. Oskar, at the time, introduced himself as Matzerath for some reason, since he was feeling humiliated at the moment. Only on rare occasions did he use the name Bronki, usually using his Grandma’s name Kojaiczek or by his first name. Klepp looked older, but proved younger than thirty.

Oskar then is told by Klepp of he believing in destiny, but doesn’t believe everyone may be born for a reason since he was certain he was born by mistake. He also discerns the length of Klepp’s stay thus far at Zeidler’s. They agreed it was a shame they hadn’t met sooner and blamed him for not mentioning it sooner. Oskar then learns the reason for Klepp’s being bed-ridden is because he’s determining the state of his health…(Okay). Then Oskar shares a pot of spaghetti which would make anyone pause, if not throw away all set before him and run to the nearest five star Italian restaurant, but Oskar, bless his heart, first stared and then ate it down like a little champ, then to his surprise and my disgust and dubiousness, enjoyed the contents. Oskar and Klepp share their interest as they get to know each other spending their day together, then Oskar decides to pick up his drum once more for Klepp and to Oskar’s surprise and pleasure, Klepp joins him with his flute. After finishing their impromptu jam session, Klepp gets up from bed and washes himself, like a purification process, then they congratulate each other warmly, for their musical moment was to them, like a resurrection. Klepp’s new lease on life had everything to do with Oskar deciding to team up in his jazz band idea. He bacame a new man, but because of this, Oskar believes Klepp is trying to do the same for him, to get him out of his mental hospital bed, because he had “deprived” him of staying in his own. Oskar is then mentioned to possibly not being in his bed on his own recognizance, but also because it was court-appointed and so Klepp, besides his futile attempts of convincing Oskar out of bed, also petitions the court, all because Oskar begrudged Klepp of his own and although they had the two of them in the band, they felt a guitarist was needed and took pictures and enjoyed the movie theater a lot. In the end, Klepp found a wife instead; ha.

Bobby, who led a dance band in a bar would let them play with him sometimes because he got a kick out of Oskar’s drumming even though, he also was a percussionist, despite a finger missing on one hand. Oskar meanwhile, was getting distracted with thoughts of Dorothea during their gigs and so would miss his cue periodically. Klepp would misconstrue these moments as hunger pangs and order sausage. Oskar let him believe this was so as to let him torture himself with thoughts of her independently from Klepp. Oskar had also given up modelling unless with Ulla, who was engaged to Lankes for the Nth time, but only if they needed cash for more movies, otherwise Oskar was dedicated solely to Klepp’s band. He also rarely visited Maria and Kurt since her new husband stayed present.

Klepp and Oskar then had a task of tacking down a fiber carpet-runner for Zeidler so as not to break anymore glasses, so when they finished and tested it, they were in the midst of congratulating themselves, when their doing so put Zeidler in a spiteful tantrum and began breaking glasses. After this Oskar finally meets Sister Dorothea. It was after a late night with Klepp and having left him to continue the search for a guitarist, Oskar goes home with the intention of sleep and failing to do so, comes up with the idea it was due to having stood on the leftover coconut-fiber mat and the stimulation had perked his brain into restless activity. He hears two doors of the front half of the home open and close and decides it’s Klepp, though not believing it at the same time. He resolves to actually stand on the mat since he kept thinking about it, then he uses it to cover his lower half, since he left his pajama’s at Maria’s for washing. He then enters the hallway and aims his trajectory for the toilet, determining one had occupied it already, but didn’t leave since it was the only un-fiberless-carpeted area, to the dismay of the female sitting there already. Oskar tried to make a light bantering response to her scream and cries of him getting out in the hopes of distracting from the awkwardness. She wasn’t having it and tried to push Oskar out, but aimed too high.

When Maria re-aimed lower and felt the fiber she screamed again and thought Oskar an evil entity, which amused Oskar when she asked again who he was. Oskar playfully goes along with her feared presumption and reveals to her he’s Satan, coming for her which makes her ask the reason and Oskar, given the opportunity to confess the truth, replies he’s in love with her, which Sister Dorothea wasn’t about to tolerate and said so. Then when trying to escape, she runs into Oskar and the pelt and his body made her feel faint. She fell and Oskar helped guide her descent onto the carpet outside the toilet. He continues his joke in the hallway and tries to “excite her with the carpet he had used as cover for himself; what a little pervert. Meanwhile Oskar couldn’t get excited himself to his own embarrassment and tried to think of his past exploits to help him along whilst referring to “it” as “Satan”; in this case, suitable, but he couldn’t unearth the feeling. When she felt his skin and humpback, Oskar admitted the truth of his name and feelings for her. She responded with sad tears and left him sitting there and locked herself in her room, rightly so. Then Oskar, still not having given up, goes to her door and scratches at the front whilst hearing what must be her packing up her belongings to leave; sensible lady. Oskar gets this confirmation when she opens the door finally, kicks him aside and leaves, to Oskar’s dismay. He also has woken the Zeidler’s with all the noise and should leave the hallway for his room, but he stays lying there whilst Mr. Zeidler instructs him he should get to his room, and when he stays silent, unmoving, admits to Oskar they should put him out because of his behavior, whilst Mrs. Zeidler giggles until being told to be quiet by her husband who is getting properly rageful, but Oskar is saved by the entrance of drunken Klepp with their equally drunken new guitarist. They pick him up and dress him, then get his drum on him and take him out as he continues to wax woe. They sit on the river Rhine and jam, during which they come up with a name and Oskar treats them all to breakfast.

Oskar and the band liked playing alongside the Rhine so much they befriended a restaurant and nightspot owner through mutual environmental interests. Whilst they played, Schmuh, the owner, “hunted” sparrows. They didn’t start off friendly, though and had met whilst both were occupying space in the area. Schmuh had been annoyed of their playing scaring away the birds whilst Klepp complemented his rhythmic shooting perfectly in time with their music, making Schmuh pleased. Schmuh’s wife thought it would be serendipitous if he employed them at his restaurant and he agreed. Klepp negotiated their salaries to everyone’s satisfaction. The Onion Cellar, was a newer higher class restaurant nightclub which a list of other quirky sounding titles are listed. It was like any dance club one would wait in a line to get into these days. The Onion Cellar was actually at one time a ground-level apartment, so whilst it didn’t have a cellar, the name still suited the place. (Similar to some cafe’s and restaurants in downtown Phoenix , as I’m told and I’m sure, as well as other interesting cities, but couldn’t say off the top of my head.) Anyways, a summary of The Onion Cellar and how artsy and classy it is follows, along with the other restaurants, old and new in the vicinity, the impression being about the reason for The Onion Cellar’s popularity revolving around Schmuh, a shawl and the entertainment he gives and interaction with the guests.

It’s then shared why the place is called The Onion Cellar. (I also found a pairing of food I have yet to try, but am curious about: Onions with apples, and/or onion rings; I like the idea.) Also there’s a second, more “human conditional” reason people flock to The Onion Cellar, a sad and pathetic one, but still a reason we struggle with in this century as well. Meanwhile, Oskar and the band, have their out-of-the-way sitting spot and hear all the people confess here and Oskar goes on to mention a few guests appearances as well as a favorite confessor. Oskar is one strange character himself, suffering abuse from the same person the confessor spoke of. All for love, interestingly enough. Oskar loses both big toenails because of it. Oskar also speaks of a young odd-couple who meet through the train and end up at The Onion Cellar. (It worked out quite well for them, which I believe, the first couple had a good outcome as well.) The band was there to help get the people back to normal and move on for the next group to come in. Quite odd reasons for a band to be hired, but this seems to be Grass’ shtick. Also like certain jobs, the band had a clause forbidding them to use onions how they are used in The Cellar, which suited all of them one way or another: Oskar had his drum to help him, Klepp was backwards and didn’t understand the right time for such emotions, and Scholle was too happy of a person. I can identify with all three, some moments are easier to laugh at, plus a sunny/realistic disposition doesn’t hurt.

Then after Schmuh’s wife gets a hold of an onion whilst with her friends Schmuh is partial to, she confesses terrible habits he had making him give an extra round to the group after his wife and her entourage leave, which makes everyone go crazy to the point of Schmuh asking Oskar to do something since Klepp only found amusement in the debacle and Scholle followed Klepp’s suit. Oskar drums them like the pied-piper to get themselves together, out the door and apparently thinking they’re kindergarten age making them all have a surprising reaction, which stays with them, including Schmuh well after releasing them, leaving them all wet, but not worse for wear.

Schmuh couldn’t forgive Oskar his charade, though since it didn’t include the “power” of his onions. He fired Oskar and the band then goes so far as to hire a fiddler passing for a gypsy, but when complaints and steadfast refusal to continue attendance at The Onion Cellar from regulars, Schmuh had to accept a compromise. It being only to play three times a night with the fiddler playing three as well, plus a raise and tips. It goes well until the day of Schmuh’s death. The Schmuh’s and band had gone on a Rhine outing. On this day Schmuh goes against his 12 cap limit, the dope. When they’re ready to leave, Oskar decides to stay for a walk instead and they go on without him. Oskar takes the same direction and soon sees the Schmuh car overturned with only one serious victim. The reason behind the crash is reminiscent of The Birds, except with sparrows. At Schmuh’s funeral, his widow still in the hospital, Oskar is approached by a doctor who was a guest at The Onion Cellar and present for Oskar’s regression session, wanting to offer him a contract as a solo drumming act to perform large concerts for equally large sums of money. Oskar would have done so if not so shortly after Schmuh’s death and declines until a healthy mental-health vacation is had, to think it over. Oskar does accept an advance along with calling card, though and goes on his trip with Lankes, preferring Klepp, but hospital-bound and also Maria, but she would have had to bring Kurt and they both were still tied to Stenzel. Oskar also wanted to invite Ulla, but Lankes hi-jacked the offer as well as boxing Ulla’s ear for considering going. Oskar was now on vacation with Lankes and they head to Normandy where a taste of how stingy he is being related. He had brought his easel and Oskar his drum along with luggage.

They stayed on the Atlantic Coast and Lankes traded his picture for a fish, which Oskar cleaned and made ready to cook as Lankes found wood and cartons for himself to paint on. Lankes then, needing to make sure he got the best of everything wanted Oskar’s opinion as to which side of the fish was best, Oskar gave him the advice he remembered from both of his parents, which conflicted, and of a doctor which Lankes didn’t trust the advice of, anyways. He does the opposite of the doctor’s advice to be safe, but it didn’t fully satisfy him until not only did Oskar offer him to try his piece, but reassure him his tasted better, after trying his in turn. What a Seinfeld; his mother told an anecdote where he wouldn’t accept a slice, but wanted the whole pie or nothing at all. Then Lankes informs Oskar he ran into Lt. Herzog and how he’s been going to Cabourg for years and would visit them, which he did, surveying the area and then trying to inspect inside their nature-made abode, which Lankes refused to allow him to do. When Herzog wouldn’t take no for an answer, Lankes puts him on his back with fork from fish still in hand. Then Lankes made sure he got the point by dragging him, then tossing him over a dune. Herzog made a quick exit after. When done reminiscing about some nuns Lankes and Oskar had met way back when, some real nuns come walking along the beach, one young, far ahead of the others, which Lankes keeps an eye on from the start. At first she declines the advances and follows the others calling to her, but when the nuns are ready to leave, she makes her way back on pretense of shell-gathering for children and does naughty business with Lankes in their hut. After she leaves to go swimming, Lankes detects inspiration in her being a nun along with titles for the art inspired by her which he makes some success from which prompts Oskar to call up the doctor to do likewise for himself. Klepp was feeling spurned because of Oskar’s growing lack of interest to playing jazz, until he discovers a replacement.

Oskar discloses how he couldn’t consider moving back in with Maria and how he’d occasionally drop by the Academy as a guest model. Ulla, proving to be a ditz or at least in the eyes of Oskar, dropped Lankes again because he kept cheating on her and didn’t beat her any longer; odd. Oskar seemed to be struggling with the idea of calling Dr. Dosch and so tore up his card to realize it was engraven to his memory. He was obsessed with the thought of calling, he finally did and was asked to come in the same day to meet with the boss. When he arrives he’s surprised to see Bebra in an interesting condition. Bebra begins by going through all the terrible acts Oskar’s committed. A contract is then set before him which allowed him to drum in concert and start touring. Though Oskar had the money advanced to him to move, he stayed on for Klepp’s sake who didn’t like Oskar’s official contract dealings, but Oskar didn’t care. When he started his tour, the publicist had made him out to be a faith-healer and so the crowds were drawn to him were of the mid-to later years. Oskar became so popular, a word was made from his name. After his third tour he made a studio album which made him a rich man, but he still didn’t move out of Zeidler’s, because of Klepp and due to the room where Dorothea resided. Oskar decided to proposition Maria with a promise most would consider difficult to refuse: He’d finance her own delicatessen if she didn’t marry Stenzel. She, being a proper business-woman, goes for it and now has two branches.

Oskar then has a nice inheritance given to him after learning Bebra had died many weeks before whilst he was touring. Due to grief, Oskar cancelled some tours without giving sufficient notice and was sued. To make matters worse Klepp had decided to get married and didn’t invite him, then left Zeidler’s, Oskar being the only tenant left. Zeidler had begun to treat Oskar with respect once he became famous. To prevent further depression and/or loneliness, Oskar rents a rottie named Lux and he’d walk him in the hall. They also ended up walking the Rhine where Lux would lead him. Oskar began disliking Lux’s loyalty, even when setting him off the leash, the dog still following and when Oskar kicked him and the dog would run, he’d loyally return, acting guilty. At one point at a rye field, he gets the dog to stay gone for longer and reminisces until noticing, upon Lux’s return he has some object of doggie desire with him. It turned out to be something of human relation and so Oskar took the object with him and then Vittlar, noticing Oskar and dog, compliments the dog. Oskar, not in the mood for conversation with Vittlar asks him why he’s up in a tree, and he responds it’s to do with apples. Oskar gets more annoyed when he’s dragged into an allegorical conversation and Vittlar asks what Lux found in the rye field. He continues to question Oskar until getting to his point, since he had seen more than he’d let on. Oskar, after being properly introduced to Vittlar, called him a friend from then on, even though Vittlar had, after turning him into the police. Then Vittlar’s testimony in court is shared, during which Oskar is described acting oddly with the object found, making stops to drop off Lux and visiting Korneff. Oskar then informed Vittlar of his intentions to keep what was found, giving his reasons.

After ending their day and making arrangements to meet again, they meet up three days later with a surprise for Vittlar from Oskar. Soon it is identifed whom the object belongs. Vittlar goes on to testify the goings on after they had commandeered a streetcar and thus ran into someone about to be executed from Oskar’s past from the post office during the war and the execution was going to take place where Vittlar’s mother lived near the rye field, which both protested. When Oskar drums at the execution though, it puts them off and Vittlar becomes bothered by Oskar’s indifference to success, which Vittlar hadn’t experienced, this being when it’s realized the reason it being Oskar whom was given up to the police and how they still could have stayed friends. Then a jump to present and on Oskar’s 30th birthday, his lawyer gives the news the police reopened the case due to uncovering the real culprit of the crime, to Oskar’s dismay. Now he’ll have to leave his comfy, life-blocking bed, which he’d stayed in for nearly 2 years and contemplated going to America to be with his Grandfather. Then it seems Oskar has the longest elevator ride as he awaits to be arrested and also at present contemplating his future and what to do now he’s thirty. He seems to digress into nervous confusion and being obsessed by running into the black witch and the poem accompanying it. Strange story, vast and not half bad with its winding interlinking characters.

The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Six More

Henry Sugar and SIX

…But not exactly six more, for me anyways:

The Boy Who Talked With Animals

This is the first truly odd story I’ve read of Dahl’s so far. A man vacations in Jamaica and tries to have a relaxing time, such as reading a book and watching a lizard-fight which also could have been a mating ritual in between paragraphs (I may be exaggerating the moment, but the idea is plain). He then becomes distracted by a canoe having come in with a surplus of fish. Then he realizes it’s because the fisherman has overturned a turtle and is trying to keep the crowd at bay.

One man goes so far as to bid for the turtle’s shell to be shot down and told the turtle was already bought by the hotel manager. The man meanwhile, reminisces how old the turtle must be and what ages he lived through and how much older he must be than these petty humans bidding for his shell. It’s quite similar to the Rudyard Kipling elephant story.

The crowd of men then decide to drag the turtle to the hotel themselves rather than wait for the staff to come and do it. The fisherman protests, but to no avail. Then a little boy’s shrieks of despair make the men stop and wonder where the screams were coming from. The men try to ignore him, but the father explains the boy’s reacting is caused by his love for animals. His father convinces the manager to accept being paid off and letting the turtle go. Then the next day the boy goes missing. Then hilariously becomes similar to Whale Rider when natives see the boy riding the turtle’s back in the ocean from their canoe. When coaxing the boy back with them doesn’t work, they inform the manager and he suggests they all go back out and look for the boy again.

The boy isn’t found until a year later by some Americans who are off the coast of a small island and spot a boy and a turtle who, when the boy senses he’s being watched, hops on the turtle and swims around the island to disappear yet again. The ending leads the reader to believe the boy made his most happiest of decisions and lived there ever after.

The Hitch-hiker

A man in a nice car picks up a hitch-hiker traveling through London to get to a Derby race. The hitch-hiker gets the man to drive his car 120 mph, gets pulled over by a cop and then discovers the “hitcher” is talented in the “butter-finger” capacity. After giving the ride-giver a demonstration, by slowly revealing the items he nicked off him whilst in the car, he explains why he goes to the race-track to “rob from the rich” with his “finger-smith” talent, only going after those cashing in for the “large bundles” and the rich-looking. They both get off free and easy since it ends a bit openly, but still entertainingly.

I unfortunately don’t have enough patience to even bother reading this collection of short-stories, let alone for the namesake, so I’ll have to be satisfied with the couple I have read, and move on to the “sure thing” of Matilda. To read my review of James & The Giant Peach.